Patrixmyth
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patri.xyz
Patrixmyth
@patri.xyz
3.8K followers 580 following 36K posts
The experiment requires that we continue.
My views and opinions do not necessarily reflect my views and opinions.
Some of these are jokes.
Never explain the boat.

(He/Him) Soliloguy⁂
Sufficiently Indistinguishable.

(@yardcrow.com, @previously.blue)
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patri.xyz
It’s not that you can’t get Poke in Germany, but I haven’t found any this good.
Poke bowl with tuna, cucumbers, green onion, edamame.
November 28, 2025 at 9:50 PM
patri.xyz
I said I’m full.
Dr Manhattan obliterating a man who saying ‘you have to try the cranberries. It’s my grandmother’s recipe’. Dr Manhattan says ‘No’
November 28, 2025 at 1:46 AM
patri.xyz
Consider the simple Costco hot dog.
Interior of Costco, which I a primarily visiting for a hot dog.
November 26, 2025 at 6:38 PM
patri.xyz
Ah. A nice juice, coffee, and toast spot. Perfect.
View out of a cafe window. Just a glass wall, a few plants and descriptions of products.
November 26, 2025 at 3:56 PM
patri.xyz
Oh. My midsize sedan rental for the week.
Grey Bronco SUV with an unintended amount of lens flare like a young Spock is going to drive it in a new JJ Adams Star Trek release.
November 26, 2025 at 1:51 PM
patri.xyz
Bun Mee. SFO. It is pretty good for an airport! Upsell to the avocado was worth it.
A chicken banh mi with jalapeno, carrots, cilantro and the upsell avocado.
November 26, 2025 at 1:16 AM
patri.xyz
It’s not as gloomy as it photos, but California here I come.
Rainy airplane portal
November 25, 2025 at 9:41 AM
patri.xyz
I know healthcare isn't free. I'm saying we should all be paying for it responsibly through our taxes, not on weird little websites or when our employers can't avoid offering it.
The Epic Handshake meme- Top is captioned 'Ads against Nationalized healthcare. Carl Weathers arm is captioned 'What if rich people got free healthcare?!!!!', and Arnold Schwarzeneggar's arm is captioned 'What if poor people got free healthcare?!!!'. (not implying their viewpoints on the issue in any way, btw)
November 24, 2025 at 8:45 PM
patri.xyz
"You'll be visited by three spirits."

The three spirits:
Bottles of Tequila, Whisky, and Vodka
November 24, 2025 at 5:57 PM
patri.xyz
Oh, we’re going back in time to pet lion cubs. Ok. Let’s do this.
Me, hanging with a lion cub in 2005
November 24, 2025 at 4:37 AM
patri.xyz
…we'll see you next time here on This Week in Bible Prophecy

And I remember what my pops told me
The new word, follow me
Remember what my pops told me

My family tree consists of drug dealers, thugs, and killers
Strugglin', known to hustle, screamin', "Fuck their feelings!"
Pope Leo clasping a microphone as if at karaoke
November 23, 2025 at 6:18 PM
patri.xyz
Should I keep writing this? #pleaseclap
Traveler I cannot stress enough the importance of choosing the best place to sit for a road trip. That’s the driver’s seat, actually. The driver controls their own fate, and gets to stop whenever they need to pee. I am rarely the driver, sadly. The second best spot, though, if you’re not blessed with hard to get international carriage licenses or expensive forgeries, is tucked back with the gear. Just not with the animals. You don’t want to sit with the animals. Trust me. Set yourself up a niche where you can hang out comfortably and be forgotten. That’s something like a life’s mantra for me. Hang out comfortably, and be forgotten. Keep your stuff close, your friends distant, and avoid your enemies completely. Traveling helps with that. In case you were wondering about the animals reference, let me explain. I’m not an animal smuggler, usually, by trade anyway. I work in circuses. It’s a long proud tradition, actually. Not for my family, in particular, but still a long and proud tradition. So yes, at one point early in life, I packed up everything I owned into my left pant pocket and ran away to join a Circus. There was a hole in my right pocket. Here at the start, let me just politely and specifically ask you not to call me a Carny. That’s a common faux pas among the uninformed. No disrespect to Carnies. I’m just not in the Association, and they can get touchy about us independents. You might be asking what the difference is between a Carnival and Circus. I did that once, and I feel like the beating I took over it was completely unwarranted. Like I said, the Association is a touchy bunch. You can call me Ishmael, btw. Don’t make the obvious jokes, please. Obvious jokes are a bad idea when you first become acquainted. We’ll get to them later. Anyway, ‘The first step is the hardest’, they say, right? Wrong. The first 100 km, straight up, is the hardest. That’s where you cross the Kármán line, the border of space. Once you get up there, you can float along, livin…
November 19, 2025 at 10:40 PM
patri.xyz
I still put normal things on hot dogs, too.
Cheesy spaghetti with a chili dog side.
November 13, 2025 at 6:40 PM
patri.xyz
maybe...
A tiny little packet of sardine paste, ok, pasteta, whatever.
November 11, 2025 at 12:48 AM
patri.xyz
Today’s treat: spaghetti sandwich
Toasted white buttered bread with meat marinara sauced spaghetti
November 10, 2025 at 5:18 PM
patri.xyz
It’s Satacorday!
Tacos! Beef lettuce tomato cucumbers.
November 8, 2025 at 5:31 PM
patri.xyz
It's like they've assembled this team specifically to elicit an SNL response.
California Republican politicians (I guess, never heard of them) lined up to whine about re-districting.
November 6, 2025 at 9:51 PM
patri.xyz
Justice Dog
Hot dog topped with mustard and onions (with a side of chips)
November 6, 2025 at 8:03 PM
patri.xyz
oh but we'll try
elderly lady with a strangely Jay (CEO) looking assistance explains that 'we called it a chi-cum sandwich' while the not-Jay says 'sure grandma let's get you to bed'
November 5, 2025 at 11:16 PM
patri.xyz
String Cheesy Doghetti!
A hot dog with spaghetti on top and not quite melted string cheese.
November 5, 2025 at 9:51 PM
patri.xyz
In before menswear guy!
My cousin Vinny classic burgundy suit.
November 5, 2025 at 9:31 PM
patri.xyz
Ok. This is super comfy in the fall chill, but walking up the stairs sounds like a 70s Kung Fu movie.
Hanging out in gi pants and a hanten.
November 4, 2025 at 10:22 PM
patri.xyz
Drop something YELLOW 🍌
A banana is duct taped to a wall. Possibly duck taped. Look, I'm not the tape police.
November 4, 2025 at 9:24 PM
patri.xyz
🤷‍♂️
Death operates a macabre claw machine that plucks people out. The caption on top says 'Meh'. The bottom caption is 'I'm not going to complain.'
November 4, 2025 at 7:38 PM
patri.xyz
This has no right to be delicious. Sorry, no hot dog bun tonight.
Leftover-oulash: baked pork, beef, garlic stuffed sausage, scrambled eggs, eggplant, zucchini, tofu, noodles, vinegar, kimchi. Rice.
November 4, 2025 at 7:17 PM