i'm not stupid, i know how crazy it sounds

but i often finish or start songs when i'm not awake

i'll probably delete this later, but this is what i wrote down when i first woke up

'don't need you to hate me
i can do that on my own
but how can you love me
& leave me to die alone

i'd love to be happy
& i do the best i can
the sun may be shining
but i'm still a cloud of a man'

the veil between the waking world & the dream world has always been paper thin for me...my brain is full of hamsters in wheels & they're often running in different directions...sometimes it's helpful, other times not so much

but i don't know how to be any other way
for better or worse

i'm happy that i have a weird & beautiful brain but sometimes it hurts me so

sorry

an Aunt died yesterday & my older brother is back in the hospital again, this time in the ICU

i know it sounds insane, but i've been writing lyrics in my sleep again...they're not the happiest of lyrics as you can imagine...i might share them someday but rn i can't even read them w/out crying

apologies...i woke up in a maudlin mood & now i'm burdening everyone else with it

there's a lot going on right now in my world & none of it is good😐

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mO6U...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrgt...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D5P...

it's mind boggling that he is lauded as some kind of genius when he's ruined every company he has bought with his useless ideas...his money is the only thing saving him from failure...he's the personification of The Emperor's New Clothes, the village idiot w/a bank account is all he is.

the fact that the nazi nepo billionaire Muskrat continues to make money destroying the fabric of society is one of the biggest tragedies of this so called modern world

i did watch the first season of Murderbot today...not much of a comedy fan & a lot of Sci Fi doesn't interest me because it's usually too predictable...but i actually enjoyed it

James: does your baby bite
me: no
(James gets bitten)
me: that's not my baby

Roxy has figured out she's allowed on my bed & now all she wants to do is get on the bed & watch tv with me🐶

i think we'll be fine today😂

i don't like eating w/other people (social anxiety & other weirdness) so i'll be in there today with her...& i'll hopefully be working on this

Roxy is a complete & total maniac when she meets new people...so i've been getting her used to being in my room w/me for a week (otherwise she has to be crated) got her a new toy which i'm keeping in my room

she's never been on the sofa or a bed before so i've had to pick her up & put her on it