Matt the Knife
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messerman.org
Matt the Knife
@messerman.org
300 followers 130 following 1K posts
Proud father, lucky husband, decent improviser, experienced software engineer, avid reader, podcaster (Knights of the Rolled Table, Hacking the Grepson), gamer (single player).

Be kind, or shut up.

For legal reasons, this account is satire.
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messerman.org
Everything changed when the Paper Towel Nation attacked.
Three faucets on a sink, labeled Air, Water, and Soap, respectively left-to-right.
November 14, 2025 at 11:54 PM
messerman.org
He probably thinks he’s “getting back” at the Dems or something, but - yeah, please, lock up everyone involved.
A picture of Donald Trump, next to the headline “Trump asks Justice Department to probe Epstein ties with Bill Clinton, other Democrats”, followed by more information: • On Friday, President Donald Trump asked Attorney General Pam Bondi, the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI to investigate Jeffrey Epstein's ties to former President Bill Clinton, Larry Summers, Reid Hoffman and JPMorgan/Chase.
November 14, 2025 at 11:51 PM
messerman.org
This is a new one. #NotEnoughResources @bsky.app
Error text reads: “Hmm, some kind of issue occurred when contacting the feed server. Please let the feed owner know about this issue. Message from server: NotEnoughResources”
November 5, 2025 at 12:38 AM
messerman.org
Do I even need to say anything about this bullshit?
From Ground News: For You - United States News Trump Administration to Limit Refugee Admissions to Record-Low 7,500, Mostly White South Africans
October 30, 2025 at 5:27 PM
messerman.org
Tom Servo’s grandma is staring at me while I eat. #mst3k
Description: part of a vacuum cleaner. It’s “head” is a cylinder in two parts: top is purple with vents on the side and a black dot in the center - bottom is metallic-looking with a vertical switch that suggests a mouth. Under that is what looks like a frilly dress or fancy collar, also purple. Below that is the dust collection cylinder. Context: Tom Servo (who looks basically like a gumball machine) is a robot from the show Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K). And he’s awesome.
September 30, 2025 at 3:09 AM
messerman.org
nerd_level++
Lego sets of the Delorean from Back to the Future, and of Soundwave from Transformers
August 14, 2025 at 6:44 AM
messerman.org
Literally could not be more clear without a big “FUCK OFF” sign to go with it.
A photo of the No Soliciting sign that is directly above the doorbell. The photo has a few pictures of paw prints and girl scout cookies on it. Text reads: Please, No Soliciting • Don't knock or ring bell • We're working from home • Our dog is loud • We don't buy anything at the door (even "free" stuff) • No Religious visits either • Girl Scouts and deliveries are the only exception You're welcome to leave a card in the mailbox. Just do not disturb —thanks!
August 7, 2025 at 5:51 AM
messerman.org
August 5, 2025 at 6:51 AM
messerman.org
Me: no it isn’t <Googles>

Oh, ok then.
Hippocampus on the left. Seahorse in the right.
July 18, 2025 at 4:16 PM
messerman.org
I’m very excited to be playing my Goblin Druid character, Branch, at our show - I love the little guy!
Top: TTRPG dice, and a Knights of the Rolled Table logo. Drawings of : a goblin druid, elf warlock, possum-person bard, and halfling barbarian. Photographs of five people are in the middle of the image. There is a San Diego Comic-Con International logo in the lower left. Text reads: Knights of the Rolled Table D&D Improv Show* Zach Stones, Carlos Guzman, Matt Messerman, Chris Daily, Jen Stopper, Jeff Frank Great for Families! Friday July 25*h, 12pm-1pm Neil Morgan Auditorium, San Diego Central Library *This show will be recorded for our podcast. Audience Participation encouraged!
July 17, 2025 at 12:30 AM
messerman.org
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!!!
July 14, 2025 at 4:49 AM
messerman.org
Someday, I’m going to move to a cabin in the forest & never have to think about the BS that’s happening in this stupid country or the world at large, nor the idiots that run it, for another second.

I’m only disabled because society is broken. If everyone was just kind to each other we’d be fine!
July 13, 2025 at 7:12 AM
messerman.org
Our D&D podcast, "Knights of the Rolled Table" is performing at Comic-Con! Come see us Friday 7/25 @ noon in the Library for some improvised D&D fun!

More details here: sched.co/26z7T
The cast of the Knights of the Rolled Table podcast perform an improvised D&D session where decisions normally made by the DM will be made by members of the audience (including YOU)! KotRT is a family-friendly 5e actual play podcast, airing since 2019, that features a main cast made up of professional improvisers from right here in San Diego: Chris Daily (KotRT DM, Dungeonheads), Jeff Frank (KotRT DM), Zach Stones (KotRT DM), Carlos Guzman-Verdugo (KotRT), Matt Messerman (KotRT, Hacking the Grepson), and Jen Stopper-Crespo (KotRT).
July 11, 2025 at 7:25 PM
messerman.org
My dog is adorable.
July 9, 2025 at 6:52 PM
messerman.org
A person of good intelligence and sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality— it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing— it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. GEORGE CARLIN American comedian, actor, author and social critic (1937 - 2008) HUMAN REFORM POLITICS: a force for positive change
July 3, 2025 at 12:40 AM
messerman.org
If you save millions of lives by making a few phone calls, would you? Because if you have a Republican congressperson as your house rep or senator, you have this opportunity right now. You need too be calling them day and night demanding that they vote NO on this horrendous budget bill, or else millions of American citizens - mostly children and the elderly - will die. Dont let your inaction be the cause of this - or their deaths will be on your heads for eternity. This bill does nothing but screw over the poor to benefit the rich. And I say this as someone who would benefit, at least a little bit, by its passing. It's cutting significantly into both Medicare and SNAP - these are programs that are a net positive for this country (unless you like it when your fellow citizens die from treatable illnesses and/or starvation). Several of you that can see this post are on Medicare RIGHT NOW - how are you going to pay your medical bills when this gets cut? Even if you are not on Medicare, but do live in a rural area, theres a good chance that your locall hospitalls will have to shut down over this. This isn't red vs blue, and it's not a game. This is real life, and your choices and/or unwillingness to take action are going to cause the deaths of millions. The only "us vs them" going on here is the working class vs the ultra wealthy. If you think l'm wrong, or are unsure, please ask me any questions or point out the flaws in my arguments. I'm happy to explain more clearly ir go deeper into any of my reasoning. This is serious, you can't just bury your head in the sand about this - it's YOUR fault if this passes.
July 2, 2025 at 9:53 PM
messerman.org
Just had the best Balatro run to date! Orange-tier Ghost Deck - Burnt, Brainstorm, Swashbuckler, Gift Card, Blueprint, and Card Sharp jokers.

x2 upgrades (usually pair) every round, mult = sell total and +1 each sell amount each round (x2 after initial discard), and double x3 for repeat hands.
My Poker Hands just before final blind of Ante eight. Important part is Level 29 for Pairs - $430 chips x 30 Final jokers before Ante eight’s Boss Blind - Gift Card, Swashbuckler, Burnt, polychrome Blueprint, Card Sharp My Poker Hands just before final hand of the game. Important part is Level 47 for Pairs - $700 chips x 48 Game Over screen 1 made it to Ante 11, Round 27
June 28, 2025 at 8:08 PM
messerman.org
[Nathan Fillion confused GIF]
A HomeKit desired temperature request of 61 will cause your equipment to run excessively and may damage it. To protect your equipment, we have changed the desired temperature to 61. To change the permissible range, tap Menu > Settings > Preferences > Cooling range
June 27, 2025 at 5:02 PM
messerman.org
Seen at the San Diego parade
June 15, 2025 at 8:53 AM
messerman.org
San Diego was out in force today
June 14, 2025 at 8:38 PM
messerman.org
A comic depicting a dinosour and three early humans. Dinosaur: "Your lackadaisicalness is disadvantageous. I propound you all vamoose with great importunity." Human: "Oh crap! It's a Thesaurus!"
June 12, 2025 at 6:26 PM
messerman.org
I'll also be performing with my fellow Knights of the Rolled Table podcasters on Friday @ the Comic-Con museum (www.comic-con.org/museum/event...).

(we'll also be performing at SDCC next month, but I'll share details about that, later)
Knights of the Rolled Table D&D Night Panel & Live show on Friday June 13 5:30 - 8:30 at the San Diego Comic-Con Museum 2131 Pan American Plaza, San Diego. Image shows multiple polyhedral dice, the KotRT logo (with another d20 as the O), and artwork for two of the characters that will be in the show.
June 11, 2025 at 12:34 AM
messerman.org
I'm doing some fun things this week, thought I'd share:

First, I'll be a guest on the Super Geeked Up 500th episode on Wednesday (supergeekedup.com).
Super Geeked Up Episode 500
June 11, 2025 at 12:34 AM
messerman.org
ICE - Ignorant, Cowardly, & Evil
June 8, 2025 at 10:59 PM
messerman.org
Apparently elves (like Nightshade) are Republicans. This is from Terry Pratchett's final Discworld book, "The Shepherd's Crown".

(reposted this observation I made back in 2016)
"I have been watching humans," said Nightshade as they were clumping back up the road. "And I can't understand them. I saw a woman giving an old tramp a couple of pennies. He was nothing to do with her, so why would she do that? How does it help her? I don't understand." "It's what we do," said Tiffany. "The wizards call it empathy. That means putting yourself in the place of the other person and seeing the world from their point of view. I suppose it's because in the very olden days, when humans had to fight for themselves every day, they needed to find people who would fight with them too, and together we lived-yes, and prospered. Humans need other humans-it's as simple as that."
May 31, 2025 at 11:02 PM