Mike Blejer
@mblejer.bsky.social
I write words (only some of them). Repped at Range & Verve, unless you hate me, in which case I'm a robot sent from the present to destroy you.
Welcome back to Death, Sex & Money: Baby Edition — the podcast where we ask the big questions. Questions like, “what are those three things, and why are my parents always yelling about at least one of them?”
November 12, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Welcome back to Death, Sex & Money: Baby Edition — the podcast where we ask the big questions. Questions like, “what are those three things, and why are my parents always yelling about at least one of them?”
In this house, we live by the law of:
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
November 11, 2025 at 7:39 AM
In this house, we live by the law of:
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
What makes a good question, rhetorically speaking? (Asking for a friend who is a baby??).
November 10, 2025 at 6:55 AM
What makes a good question, rhetorically speaking? (Asking for a friend who is a baby??).
Teaching baby to water the fake grass so he understands the struggle of pursuing an impossible dream. Also in the sun it gets hot on his little toesies.
November 8, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Teaching baby to water the fake grass so he understands the struggle of pursuing an impossible dream. Also in the sun it gets hot on his little toesies.
🎶 You say “Tomato” I say “face me father, that I may pelt you with a thrown tomato” 🎶
November 7, 2025 at 7:32 AM
🎶 You say “Tomato” I say “face me father, that I may pelt you with a thrown tomato” 🎶
Baby’s a triple threat: He can sing, draw, and break his father’s iPad accessories (often all three at once). Next stop: Broadway! (Gonna try to sell my talented baby to buy a new Apple Pencil).
November 6, 2025 at 7:07 AM
Baby’s a triple threat: He can sing, draw, and break his father’s iPad accessories (often all three at once). Next stop: Broadway! (Gonna try to sell my talented baby to buy a new Apple Pencil).
He nailed it in one take and refused to try again.
November 5, 2025 at 6:56 AM
He nailed it in one take and refused to try again.
DEMOCRACY!*
*while supplies last.
*while supplies last.
November 4, 2025 at 10:13 PM
DEMOCRACY!*
*while supplies last.
*while supplies last.
Caught Baby starting a 1-man band (but on further inspection it’s actually just three 1/3-man bands stacked on top of each other in a Conductor’s overcoat).
November 4, 2025 at 7:09 AM
Caught Baby starting a 1-man band (but on further inspection it’s actually just three 1/3-man bands stacked on top of each other in a Conductor’s overcoat).
I always tell Baby: every generation stands on the shoulders of giants.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
November 3, 2025 at 7:12 AM
I always tell Baby: every generation stands on the shoulders of giants.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
Love being a parent, but humbling to know my baby’s mental model of me and a child-safe step-ladder overlap by about 50%.
November 2, 2025 at 5:05 AM
Love being a parent, but humbling to know my baby’s mental model of me and a child-safe step-ladder overlap by about 50%.
He’s gonna grow up to be a vet, but specifically the kind they have at dog fights.
November 1, 2025 at 8:29 PM
He’s gonna grow up to be a vet, but specifically the kind they have at dog fights.
Anthropologically speaking, the caveman hair-dragging trope is hogwash — but in a vibes-based, and therefore even truer, way? Exhibit B (for Baby the Barbabian).
October 31, 2025 at 6:53 AM
Anthropologically speaking, the caveman hair-dragging trope is hogwash — but in a vibes-based, and therefore even truer, way? Exhibit B (for Baby the Barbabian).
Made Baby this nifty little sound toy in the hopes he passes clean through his DJ phase before he learns the word “career.”
October 30, 2025 at 7:27 AM
Made Baby this nifty little sound toy in the hopes he passes clean through his DJ phase before he learns the word “career.”
So proud of this kid, pictured here not yet two and already in full command of his “r u f’ing kidding me?” face.
October 29, 2025 at 6:10 AM
So proud of this kid, pictured here not yet two and already in full command of his “r u f’ing kidding me?” face.
The secret to a good Baby Heimlich practice sesh is of course step 1: get a non-wriggly baby. You got that? The rest is child’s play.
October 28, 2025 at 6:13 AM
The secret to a good Baby Heimlich practice sesh is of course step 1: get a non-wriggly baby. You got that? The rest is child’s play.
A big part of parenting is teaching your kid to set achievable life goals, that’s why Baby and I are improvising a musical version of Blade Runner, aka Blade Stummer aka Do Jamdroids Dream of Electric Sheep.
October 27, 2025 at 7:11 AM
A big part of parenting is teaching your kid to set achievable life goals, that’s why Baby and I are improvising a musical version of Blade Runner, aka Blade Stummer aka Do Jamdroids Dream of Electric Sheep.
Baby is the bell(e) of my ball(s).
October 26, 2025 at 6:01 AM
Baby is the bell(e) of my ball(s).
Genetic testing came back and confirmed our worst fears: Baby got his mom’s recessive non-KISS gene. With dedication and years of training, he could add an inch—two tops—to that sucker, but he’ll never be a rock god.
October 25, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Genetic testing came back and confirmed our worst fears: Baby got his mom’s recessive non-KISS gene. With dedication and years of training, he could add an inch—two tops—to that sucker, but he’ll never be a rock god.
As a responsible father, I try to prepare for every contingency. That’s why I made Baby a sound toy that plays me singing his name across a range of keys, so he’ll respect my authority under all levels of helium exposure. #HighPitchParenting #BalloonDaddy
October 24, 2025 at 6:47 AM
As a responsible father, I try to prepare for every contingency. That’s why I made Baby a sound toy that plays me singing his name across a range of keys, so he’ll respect my authority under all levels of helium exposure. #HighPitchParenting #BalloonDaddy
For some reason, Baby has an innate fear of group singing — which, as he grows, will not only save us money on terrifying birthday parties but also protect him from America’s two scariest exports: cults and Broadway (but I repeat myself—ahem, theater kids).
October 23, 2025 at 4:39 AM
For some reason, Baby has an innate fear of group singing — which, as he grows, will not only save us money on terrifying birthday parties but also protect him from America’s two scariest exports: cults and Broadway (but I repeat myself—ahem, theater kids).
Been building musical toys for Baby as my gift to the whole family, just so that there’s absolutely *no* question of who to blame when he gets an art degree.
October 22, 2025 at 4:47 AM
Been building musical toys for Baby as my gift to the whole family, just so that there’s absolutely *no* question of who to blame when he gets an art degree.
“He who fights with babies might take care lest he thereby become a baby. And if you gaze for long into a selfie camera, the selfie camera gazes also into you.” - Baby Nietzsche
October 21, 2025 at 6:11 AM
“He who fights with babies might take care lest he thereby become a baby. And if you gaze for long into a selfie camera, the selfie camera gazes also into you.” - Baby Nietzsche
Did a great job of parenting today when I recorded this video, put Baby to bed, and then ate all his crayons.
October 20, 2025 at 6:44 AM
Did a great job of parenting today when I recorded this video, put Baby to bed, and then ate all his crayons.
ACCORDING TO THESE HEAD BUMPS YOU’RE A GENETICALLY LET ME STAY UP PAST BEDTIME DAD. (Editor’s note: may have told baby about phrenology too soon).
October 19, 2025 at 6:56 AM
ACCORDING TO THESE HEAD BUMPS YOU’RE A GENETICALLY LET ME STAY UP PAST BEDTIME DAD. (Editor’s note: may have told baby about phrenology too soon).