three coats mode. two of my own and a labcoat

it's like 55 degrees fucking fahrenheit maximum in the room where i spend most of my time at work rn, and this is exactly, precisely the thing to make a fibro flare up even worse. the other day it was even colder and my fingers kept going numb

it's been an exceptionally bad week even aside from the flare up and i just want to sleep for 4 days

90 mins of work left when i get off break and then i can go home and try to scrape myself together

like the fact that i can feel my body in high detail and it hurts really bad is how i know that i'm awake

i am trying desperately to find any way to live that doesn't involve physically wearing myself down like a drill bit until i am forced to kill myself. the impossible ask is to find a job that doesn't directly cause me to physically deteriorate

i want to fucking live but it is so hard to stay functional enough to survive with these symptoms and this chronic pain. i am struggling to find any fucking time to exercise before/after work and the deconditioning is making both my fibro and asthma much much worse. i need my inhaler daily now

if i had access to a gun i wouldn't be posting through it i would just already be done and gone

if i can be real i very very much want to die asap because the only alternative is grinding my body down until i'm too disabled to meet the demands of capitalism anymore and then it's just a slow painful death

food poisoning means you're suffering the effects of a (usually bacteria-made) toxin, which usually, the body can clear out in hours to days. foodborne infection means there's microbes living/multiplying in your body that shouldn't be there, its more serious and lasts way longer if it goes untreated

that sounds like a nightmare, i'm so sorry you had to go through that without medical help... when i was in college i got to take a food microbio course, and they taught me that one of the key differentiating factors between food poisoning and foodborne infection was duration-

but yes i absolutely am yelling along to paramore and fox stevenson songs and drinking red wine in my parked car while wearing two coats so i don't have to idle the engine

i mean like, parked in the driveway for the night and not going anywhere, i'm not a piece of shit (at least not In that specific way)

my car is the karaoke bar now

i should have a missile affixed to the underside of my car. i fucking deserve it. do you have any idea how long it took to learn to night drive safely (AND respectfully to other drivers even though the brights help me see better) with visual snow syndrome