Jill Twiss
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jilltwiss.bsky.social
Jill Twiss
@jilltwiss.bsky.social
24K followers 830 following 3.1K posts
Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.
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jilltwiss.bsky.social
Thank you @gothamist.com
• Miami yesterday elected a Democratic mayor for the first time in nearly 30 years. • The Miami-Dade County mayor, who is a different person, pardoned a pig named Six Seven yesterday.
December 10, 2025 at 4:06 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Says it all
A bag description that says “CHEESE INSIDEE”
December 9, 2025 at 7:33 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Hi this has been in my gym for weeks. Does anyone…know what it does? Will it make me strong? Fast? Cute?
A purple thing that looks kind of like a badminton birdie but is hard plastic
December 6, 2025 at 8:18 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
HOLY SHIT I DID IT!!! I am so proud that I am posting this video even though I look terrible BECAUSE I DID NOT THINK TODAY WOULD BE THE DAY (also technically this means he has to resign today because that is the rule)
December 1, 2025 at 7:38 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Grand Dame Mabel C. Dipsynoodle. She has had a LOT of work done
A dog that some might say looks like Jennifer Coolidge. Long hair. A vibe of having always been rich. Somehow blonde AND brunette. A real princess of a dog with Long straight hair and a little ponytail
November 27, 2025 at 7:06 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Eloise Bungalo. She will only poop when it’s not raining. Do not let it rain. Her lover was pushed off the balcony of an ancient hotel
A lil white terrier who looks like she has seen tragedy
November 27, 2025 at 6:58 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
This is Sarge.
Grey and white long haired dog that looks like a grandpa
November 27, 2025 at 6:55 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
This is Ambassador Turnips Von Peapod. He has committed three murders.
A cute little Boxer who appears to be winking at us
November 27, 2025 at 6:40 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Zucchini Swiffer, PhD. who is terrified of the Fed Ex man. Oh he knows what he did.
November 27, 2025 at 6:31 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Allow me to introduce you to Detective Dozer Minestrone. I am afraid he has eaten a full stick of butter and will soon pay the price
A good boy that is a normal kind of dog that I don’t know the name of. Gray and white though, and medium sized
November 27, 2025 at 6:17 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Oh god I am so sorry but this appears to be Lindsey Halligan?
A gorgeous blonde dog who would be a terrible prosecutor Lindsey Halligan, a terrible prosecutor
November 27, 2025 at 6:08 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
This is Lord High Constable Gulliver Ruffernutter, who found a treat in the couch cushion once two years ago and now checks there every day
A real handsome unit of a bulldog that they have apparently wrongly named Prada
November 27, 2025 at 6:00 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Back up to a VERY iffy 235
Hex bar with plates on it
November 19, 2025 at 6:29 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to tell the jury to “vote assuming we actually have a whole bunch more secret evidence”
He noted that during her grand jury presentation she appears to have misrepresented a basic tenet of the law by suggesting that Mr. Comey did not have the right, under the Fifth Amendment, to avoid testifying at his own trial. She also appears to have made another astonishing error, Judge Fitzpatrick said. In his ruling, he pointed out that she told grand jurors that they did not have to rely solely "on the record before them" to return an indictment against Mr. Comey, but instead "could be assured the government had more evidence - perhaps better evidence - that would be presented at trial."
November 17, 2025 at 8:32 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
November 14, 2025 at 3:34 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Just found out my loofah did 9/11
New York Times graphic reading “your loofah is probably doing more harm than good”
November 13, 2025 at 6:04 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Genuinely thought this said “The Presidential Waffle House”
Tacky gold lettering that reads “the presidential wall of fame”
November 12, 2025 at 2:42 AM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
225. Body refuses to keep up with my ambitions
Trap bar with 225 measly stupid pounds on it
November 10, 2025 at 6:49 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
"DINGLE for CHANCE" written in Zohran Mamdani font
November 8, 2025 at 8:37 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Hi I am dingle by chance
Facebook message reading “hi Jill. I think j you’re very attractive and was wondering if you were dingle by chance”
November 8, 2025 at 6:21 AM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Furious that once again I have nearly purchased a clothing item that turned out to be for toddlers
A very snazzy white sweater with bright red cherries on it
November 3, 2025 at 12:55 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Update: good but weird!
A white dish of frozen red grapes
October 28, 2025 at 10:52 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Started taking creatine a week ago and back up to 230. Placebo effect? Who cares. But also it makes me feel bloat my and gross. Only 15 pounds left to goal!
Trap bar deadlift record, ending at 230 pounds
October 18, 2025 at 6:06 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Hi what
Headline: “nature’s labubu: why are gen z unboxing conkers?”
October 14, 2025 at 11:58 PM
jilltwiss.bsky.social
Stillllll at 205 post-Covid. Sad! Thank you for your attention to this matter. (Also stopped taking creatine which may be the real culprit)
October 11, 2025 at 6:57 PM