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Jill Twiss

@jilltwiss.bsky.social

23K followers 810 following 2.8K posts

Comedy writer. "Have I Got News For You", "Last Week Tonight", "The Amber Ruffin Show." Author of "A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo" and "The Someone New." Friend to several penguins.

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · Apr 4

My body is not cut out to be this furious all the time. I am built for naming dogs Doctor Reginald Pancakes and telling people about the time two bees stung me while I was on the toilet

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1h

oh one really fun idea i have is that the Supreme Court should resolve the issue before they go around making the whole country do what they say

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 5h

Amy Coney Barrett defends heavy use of the shadow docket: "If we wrote a long opinion, it might give the impression that we have finally resolved the issue, and in none of these cases have we finally resolved the issue."

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 17h

i think it's funny that people thought AI was going to work when i've never once countered an automatic faucet that worked right and we've had those for decades

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 19h

i wonder if your heart stays healthier if you've never used it

Reuters @reuters.com · 1d

Trump, 79, has "cardiac age" of 65-year-old, doctor says reut.rs/4mZNZbu

Trump, 79, has "cardiac age" of 65-year-old, doctor says

Donald Trump was found to be in "exceptional health" in a medical evaluation, the U.S. president's doctor said in a memo released by the White House on Friday, with his "cardiac age" 14 years younger than in "chronological age."

reut.rs

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

all in on Hot Foghorn Leghorn

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

This is the level of commitment I expect from my exes

Hell Gate *subscribe today!* @hellgatenyc.com · 1d

At a dinner last Friday, the mayor's former lover said she's beginning the "Draft Eric Back" campaign.

Jasmine Ray Wants Eric Adams Back (In the Mayor's Race)

At a press dinner for her memoir "Political Humanity," Ray described a man who was funny, romantic, silly, and inquisitive.

hellgatenyc.com

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah but I was lifting 235 before Covid so it’s less of a plateau than a slight bummer. But shall forge on!

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

I took pills because I cannot swallow goopy liquid. Could have been placebo effect but lifting felt easier after about a week. I did also feel bloaty though if you’re worried about that

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

Stillllll at 205 post-Covid. Sad! Thank you for your attention to this matter. (Also stopped taking creatine which may be the real culprit)

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

oh god

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

ahhh so it's just more time for bullying

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

can someone tell me what the long game is with Mike Johnson not swearing in Grijalva? Like, she has to get sworn in eventually and be the 218th Epstein signature. Are they buying time for a certain date? Election day somehow? Something I don't know about?

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

hahahahahah

Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

MY Halloween party is semi-formal, so we’ll be roberting for apples (i am so sorry)

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

it was alarming in the past few days to figure out that this world was just hanging on by a Dolly Parton

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

It is helpful to know I have their permission

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 1d

i loved it!

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 2d

i cannot TAKE it

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Jill Twiss @jilltwiss.bsky.social · 3d

How weak must your beliefs be if you think a kid reading a book is going destroy those beliefs

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

I spotted Marlon Bundo on the "Children's Banned Books" display at The Strand this weekend. It's so sad that we live in a world where this is a real category.