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Matt Cohen

@mattcohen.bsky.social

1K followers 490 following 1.2K posts

Eisner Award nominee for "The Ghastlygun Tinies." Writes for MAD Magazine, The American Bystander, and The New Yorker. Created the hit card game Too Many Monkeys. Working on books for YOU. He/Him

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Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Mar 11

It's exhausting watching people tell themselves that their intolerance is actually a virtue.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 1h

We should begin renaming the worst preventable diseases after the monsters responsible for their resurgence. "My grandma died of Andrew Wakefield and my uncle is quarantined with a bad case of RFK Jr."

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 5h

Plutocracy = Rule By The Rich
Kleptocracy = Rule By Thieves
Kakistocracy = Rule By The Least Qualified

Those are all useful terms, but we also need a new word for "Rule By Wannabe Edgelord Comedians."

How about Shockjocracy?

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Jul 9

If you want to submit an online comment to your senator or representative, you have to first use a drop-down menu to select a topic for your message... and the list of topics is going to be sanitized in a way that obstructs you from being heard.
(1/6)

This is the drop-down menu that lets you pick a topic before sending a message to Senator Chris Murphy. Other members of Congress use similar drop down menus.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 15d

In response to someone mocking Emma Watson, J.K. Rowling says "I'm here for ALL the spoofs🤣." Okay J.K., here's a spoof I wrote for YOU and all of your small minded TERF friends. #ALLtheSpoofs

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows:

"This kid poops in the boy's room.
This kid poops in the girl's room.
Everyone poops... including you"

"But some people say that you cannot poop
in this toilet
or that one
or even that one."

(The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...)

"They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts
Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.)
Can girls who wear pants poop?
Can boys with long hair poop?
How about women with strong cheekbones?"

"Who are the people who don't want you to poop?
Good question."

"Fantasy authors say you can't poop.
And politicians say you can't poop.
And trolls say you can't poop.
And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop."

(The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.)

"The people who say that nobody poops
without their permission all have poop instead of brains.
And when they talk, only poop comes out.
And they get their poop all over everything."

(Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.)

"If you can't poop, you can't eat.
And if you can't eat...
...you can't live."

The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 4d

People keep saying that "history will remember" the truth about what's happening now, but it won't. The news is the first draft of history and it is being written and published by cowards.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

Like T.S. Eliot said, "This is the way the world ends..."

(6/X)

a black background with the words this is the way the world ends

ALT: a black background with the words this is the way the world ends

media.tenor.com

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

...to repent for the damage they're doing now? Do their executives believe they'll never be held accountable just because they're wealthy? If so, they're probably right.

Do ICE agents expect forgiveness because we've been taught to value "civility" over justice? They're probably right too.
(5/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

It's an important conversation to have because there are lots of companies (and even a few artists) who are supporting fascism and hate RIGHT NOW.

Knowing why we failed to hold Audi accountable back then could inspire us to hold Amazon accountable today.

What could CBS or Facebook ever do...
(4/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

...we'd hear anecdotes of how certain banks or certain car manufacturers had supported Hitler during WWII. Should we boycott those companies today? No... but we should discuss what they did (or more likely what they SHOULD have done) to re-earn our trust and our business at the end of the war. (3/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

Were we giving him a pass on his bigotry because enough time had passed? Was it because he was dead and could no longer profit from book sales? Had he reformed himself?

The Eliot lessons were a part of a pattern. We were often told to ignore the antisemitism/racism of the past. For example...
(2/X)

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 20h

We need to stop automatically forgiving bad actors.

Before reading "The Waste Land" in high school, the teacher said that T. S. Eliot was antisemitic but that we were going to study his poems anyway.

We skipped oven an important lesson by not discussing WHY Eliot should be let off the hook. (1/X)

This is the actual copy of "The Waste Land And Other Poems" that I had in high school. The other poems include "The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock," "Preludes," "Gerontion," "Sweeney Among the Nightingales," "Ash-Wednesday," "Journey of the Magi," "Marina," Landscapes," and "Two Choruses from 'The Rock.'"

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Katelyn Boo-urns @katelynburns.com · 1d

I wrote a little about some of the little details you might have missed in this video and why it hit me so hard as a trans person this morning:

www.burnsnotice.com/you-have-to-...

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

The Nobel committee should negotiate with Trump. "You can have a Nobel Peace Prize if you resign. We'll throw in one Emmy Award per cabinet member or Trump-appointed judge that you fire by executive order first. We can sweeten the deal with an AVN Best Male Performer award if you go fuck yourself."

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

I saw Buena Vista Social Club on Broadway last week. The lyrics are entirely in Spanish and I didn't understand any of them. And yet -- like everybody else in the audience -- I loved every song.

I'm sure that football fans are equally capable of enjoying Bad Bunny.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyPn...

Buena Vista Social Club on Broadway

YouTube video by Buena Vista Social Club on Broadway

www.youtube.com

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

MIKE JOHNSON: What are you gonna do? Hate America?
GORDIE LACHANCE: No, Mike. Just you.

Ace (Keifer Sutherland) and his gang try to intimidate the protagonists of Stand By Me. Seriously, Wil Wheaton’s delivery of “No Ace, just you” is one of the best retorts of the 80s.

Reposted by Matt Cohen

Weapons Manufacturing Enthusiast aka Worldly Tooter @adamsull.bsky.social · 2d

If you have a problem with people rallying to say "no kings," maybe you're not the best judge of who hates America.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

Did I *want* to play “meth” against my mother? No. Did I do it anyway? Yes.

This is a closeup of a game of Words With Friends. I scored 27 points for playing METH.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 2d

Looks exciting! Since it’s too soon to tell on BGG, but would you estimate the weight to be?

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

What if the AI bros and the crypto bros joined forces to make something SUPER annoying?

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

People objected to a *potty training book.* Did they want kids to just never learn how to use the toilet?

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

"...the cat rapture."

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 3d

I spotted Marlon Bundo on the "Children's Banned Books" display at The Strand this weekend. It's so sad that we live in a world where this is a real category.

Some of the books in the "Children's Banned Books" display in The Strand bookstore include Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi, Sylvester And The Magic Pebble by William Steig, A Day In The Life Of Marlon Bundt by Jill Twiss (illustrated by EG Keller), When Aiden Became A Brother by Kyle Lukoff (illustrated by Kayla Juanita), It's Perfectly Normal by Robin H. Harris and Michael Emberley, The Amazing Bone by William Steig, No, David! by David Shannon, Not Quite Narwhal by Jessie Sima, And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, Green Eggs And Ham by Dr. Seuss, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, Strega Nona by Tomie dePaola, Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown (illustrated by Clement Hurd), The Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak, The Family Book by Todd Parr, The First To Die At The End by Adam Silvera, Charlotte's Web by E.B. White (pictures by Garth Williams), Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin, Jr. (art by Eric Carl), Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love, and many others.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 4d

That's awesome! This blew up back in the day on twitter. It didn't land me any jobs, but it still felt right watching the piece reach a wider audience.

bsky.app/profile/dizw...

Dɪᴢᴡɪʀᴇ🍥 @dizwire.bsky.social · Nov 20

Holy shit, Mad Magazine
👏👏👏
Pulling no punches.

Screenshot of Ghastlygun Tinies comic from Mad Magazine pg 1-2

Screenshot of Ghastlygun Tinies comic from Mad Magazine pgs 3-4

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 4d

You're right -- that's WAY too many Teslas.

Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · 4d

People keep saying that "history will remember" the truth about what's happening now, but it won't. The news is the first draft of history and it is being written and published by cowards.