it measures 218cm by 160cm - just enough to wrap me up 😊

UNTIL last year, I had my first family christmas in over a decade. I’d always preferred to host queers and orphans for a party at my place, but following a breakup move couldnt organise it in time, and accepted an invitation to my sisters’. And you can imagine my surprise when I saw… 🧀

I was asked to hand-write a letter to my grandfather, who was ‘not speaking’ to either of my parents until I did so, saying that I loved cheese dish and wanted to know the recipe. He passed in 2018, taking with him the recipe for cheese dish.

At Christmas, age 14, I momentarily lost my mind and declined the cheese dish with the truth. What I said was this: ‘I just think that’s quite a lot of cheese’. Within minutes, my grandfather was furiously withdrawing christmas lunch from the table, multiple people were crying. Someone slapped me.

I always politely declined a serving of cheese dish - which was typically a two inch wedge cut like a slice of cake - because it looked and smelled disgusting. The key is ‘polite’; even as a child I knew that I should pretend that I had stupidly forgotten to have some cheese dish.

ah yeah dont worry i’ll be off soon too i’ll just put the key back through the letterbox dw you can trust me with ur dojo 🐱

the salt and pepper crisps that are the shapes 👏 the salt and pepper crisps that are the shapes 👏 the salt and pepper crisps that are the shapes 👏 the salt and pepper crisps that are the shapes 👏

you 🫵 are a billionaire’s yum nut whereas i ☝️ am the people’s tart

The pesto is really good