Hugh
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hughneill.bsky.social
Hugh
@hughneill.bsky.social
87 followers 140 following 450 posts
every day i cut off my left hand in a single swift strike and then reattach it
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hughneill.bsky.social
i got these
a box of decaf twinings chai tea bags
November 7, 2025 at 3:28 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
he did it, folks
the point where the j-bend pipe under a kitchen sink enters the wall, with the gap between the pipe and the material of the wall covered by a hastily cut sheet of aluminum taken from a white claw tallboy
November 5, 2025 at 8:31 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
resourcefulness in a time of need
screenshot of a message in a group text. the group text is titled “Duskwall Psychonauts Club.” message reads: repair guy is in our apartment right now. needs some sheet aluminum to patch a gap around some piping. he realizes he's all out of it and would need to go to home depot for more, unless... his eyes whip around looking for a suitable stopgap measure and relief visibly washes over him as he sees the white claw tall boys in the recycling from watching the election last night. "perfect," he says. he immediately begins cutting one up
November 5, 2025 at 8:22 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
steaming hot bowl of beef stew check
steaming hot bowl of hearty beef stew on a table, ample with carrots and potatoes
October 29, 2025 at 3:22 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
October 27, 2025 at 2:40 AM
hughneill.bsky.social
vegetarian french onion rigatoni. marmite in the onions for beefiness. give me $5 of onions and an hour and i’ll do a magic trick
a 12-inch steel sauté pan loaded with a mountain of sliced onions that pile over the rim of the pan by a good four inches the same sauté pan full of now-wilted onions sauté pan full of deep brown, jammy, richly caramelized onions a pot full of delicious french onion rigatoni
October 22, 2025 at 5:15 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
i ended up ordering it for delivery because i’ve carried those bags before and it’s genuinely the size of my torso, on top of other groceries i needed. the delivery guy delivered a single bag of small onions comprising ~10% of the ordered onions, and 300% of my requested carrots in the girthiest way
a single small mesh bag of yellow onions next to 3.5 lbs of thick, sturdy carrots, which are almost cartoonishly hefty
October 21, 2025 at 4:31 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
i have had a delivery intentionally fucked up in the most comically blatant way ever
“Your driver took a photo of where they left your order.” The photo is of nothing but a blurry bit of sidewalk barely visible behind a human hand clearly blocking the lens on purpose. There is no evidence of the existence of food at all anywhere in the photograph.
October 11, 2025 at 11:30 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
yesterday i got stuck in a California pizza kitchen bathroom for a few minutes, while i wrestled with the thickest sliding stall lock I’ve ever seen. then i was so flustered i left my debit card behind. luckily the server ran out to return it. not my day
the interior of a bathroom stall. looking at the lock, it’s clear the sliding lock is over-engineered and thick as a deck of cards, providing plenty of surface area on which to get extremely stuck
October 5, 2025 at 2:41 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
normal soup normal color normal thickness. normal flavor
a stainless steel pot of split pea soup that is visibly oddly thick and bile green
October 1, 2025 at 2:31 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
making big piles of spanish rice and refried beans is when i feel most at home
big piles of mexican rice and refried beans still in their steel pans on an electric flattop stove
September 23, 2025 at 11:50 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
literature
And then a big rattlesnake came up and bit me on the penis and I passed out.
September 23, 2025 at 12:59 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
things are bad so i’m rereading the funniest book i own: Quietly, From Afar by @lucasgardner.bsky.social who says he’ll email you the book for free if you ask him so he’s probably fine with me posting screenshots of the first chapter. this book is so joyously stupid and doesn’t relent for a moment
September 22, 2025 at 3:31 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
says the woman who came up with this series of words entirely on her own with no external influence or anybody else who could possibly take credit
stella (normal) 11:42 PM Her float is one of my favorite game animations in ages Floating like Marilyn Monroe Poppins with her bug pussy out
September 15, 2025 at 4:01 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
idk what she’s talking about. nothing funny about this
the top of a man’s head wearing a gay little blue denim sailor hat
September 14, 2025 at 9:55 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
riffing on covers for upcoming projects. is the title legible
a book cover showing the title DOG KILLER in such huge red letters that it fills the screen and there’s a hyphenated line break in killer. a black dog on a dirt road faces away from the camera in the leftover space from the line break
September 9, 2025 at 4:03 AM
hughneill.bsky.social
the tragic tale of Schvantlfeim
Excerpt from page 117 of SINISTER EXTREMITY: A Love Story by Hugh Neill A deep masculine voice with a thick inscrutable accent re-sponded, "Yes. I speak." "Hello sir, my name is Griffin and I'm calling on behalf of Faust Direct Sales. Do you have a moment to talk about Tho Killer?" "You say Dog Killer? No need. Am." "Pardon? No. Tag Killer. Tag Kille is a revolutionary topical treatment for skin tags, moles, skin cancers, or any—" "I kill your dog. I give good price." "I don't — I am the one offering goods. I did not call in search of services. Did you say you'd kill my dog? For a good price?" With a marked tone of pride, Schvantlfeim said, "Yes. I best dog killer of steppe." "Please say you mean you were a veterinarian, where you were from?" "No. If bastard wild dog threaten home, if eat chicken, if attack child, I kill dog and solve problem. I take rock, I throw rock through dog head. My service quality. Much demand." "So do you have any interest in Tag—" "When come to city, find no work. Business fail. City people treat dog like child. Cherish. Protect. Even when see starved dog of wild, they say, rescue. I offer kill, they say, no. No, Schvantifeim! I best at what nobody want! Now look for work. Veterinarian, do not hire. Before when kill dog people say, Schvantlfeim, thank you so much, thank you for killing bastard dog what ate my daughter. In city those who kill dog, crying child beg for dog back. What to do?"
September 4, 2025 at 1:38 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
tinga time
a large sheet pan full of a pile of shredded chicken
September 1, 2025 at 3:51 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
overnight slow cooker pinto beans made with leftover chicken tinga roux… i am achieving great things
lil bowl of pinto beans in a red broth
August 31, 2025 at 3:53 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
prunus looks cool
screenshot of an apple messages conversation STELLA: You should switch your Prunus for a Tranket HUGH: sorry i'm a prunus devotee they call me prunus boy. i bring it everywhere and show everyone my prunus (Hugh sends an image of a black and yellow PRUNUS brand pocket radio) STELLA: Everyone is sick of your prunus
August 30, 2025 at 9:34 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
point your peepers at my pretty petite prunus
A small dial-adjusted pocket radio, about the size of a deck of cards, with high-visibility yellow trim around black buttons and speaker. The brand name of the radio, shown in large white-on-black letters on the front, is PRUNUS.
August 23, 2025 at 3:31 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
did i caramelize the onions enough
a closeup of a sauté pan containing a pile of deep brown jammy caramelized onions. they are definitely caramelized enough
August 17, 2025 at 7:57 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
i am extremely biased but this one is a banger start to finish
A black paperback book titled Sinister Extremity: A Love Story by Hugh Neill sits on a promotional display of books in a large bookstore. The cover illustration is a red-and-white halftone shaded two-color print of a right hand holding a large meat cleaver over a left hand. Other books with more elaborate and colorful covers surround it. The rest of the bookstore is out of focus in the background.
August 7, 2025 at 5:49 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
what in the world is my gay little horror novel doing in a bookstore in the czech republic
A black paperback book titled Sinister Extremity: A Love Story by Hugh Neill sits on a promotional display of books in a large bookstore. The cover illustration is a red-and-white halftone shaded two-color print of a right hand holding a large meat cleaver over a left hand. Other books with more elaborate and colorful covers surround it. The rest of the bookstore is out of focus in the background.
August 7, 2025 at 4:53 PM
hughneill.bsky.social
crackin open a cold one. tgif
It’s a large, open, visibly greasy refill can of olive oil. The joke is that beer often comes in a can and olive oil usually doesn’t. The author is pretending to drink olive oil like it’s a beer. TGIF
August 1, 2025 at 6:48 PM