Don't let the title fool you. Not much of anything happened this Christmas or last. Only 70 minutes long but felt like 7 hours. Even the actors sounded bored most of it.
I did, however, enjoy seeing the one girl get drowned to death from having her head submerged underwater for exactly 3 seconds.
I did, however, enjoy seeing the one girl get drowned to death from having her head submerged underwater for exactly 3 seconds.
November 24, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Don't let the title fool you. Not much of anything happened this Christmas or last. Only 70 minutes long but felt like 7 hours. Even the actors sounded bored most of it.
I did, however, enjoy seeing the one girl get drowned to death from having her head submerged underwater for exactly 3 seconds.
I did, however, enjoy seeing the one girl get drowned to death from having her head submerged underwater for exactly 3 seconds.
Hilarious The Asylum of all companies turned out to be the one with the sense to say, "Hey, what if we used this popular public domain childrens IP to actually make a movie for children instead of a gory slasher flick?"
And then also turned around and cast Bruce Campbell as the voice of Owl. 🫡
And then also turned around and cast Bruce Campbell as the voice of Owl. 🫡
November 22, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Hilarious The Asylum of all companies turned out to be the one with the sense to say, "Hey, what if we used this popular public domain childrens IP to actually make a movie for children instead of a gory slasher flick?"
And then also turned around and cast Bruce Campbell as the voice of Owl. 🫡
And then also turned around and cast Bruce Campbell as the voice of Owl. 🫡
DEATHSTALKER is a campy fun, creative, gory, monster-filled throwback to 1980's sword & fantasy films. Conan the Destroyer by way of Brian Yuzna and Screaming Mad George. Though, it's odd seeing a Deathstalker film not just devoid of T&A, but determined to shun any sex appeal altogether. ***1/2
November 11, 2025 at 10:49 PM
DEATHSTALKER is a campy fun, creative, gory, monster-filled throwback to 1980's sword & fantasy films. Conan the Destroyer by way of Brian Yuzna and Screaming Mad George. Though, it's odd seeing a Deathstalker film not just devoid of T&A, but determined to shun any sex appeal altogether. ***1/2
The simple genius of the original Predator was that it wasn't a noble savage hunting by some traditional moral code; the Predator was a total asshole using superior technology to kill an already physically inferior species and got really pissed off when one actually put up a real fight.
November 5, 2025 at 7:55 PM
The simple genius of the original Predator was that it wasn't a noble savage hunting by some traditional moral code; the Predator was a total asshole using superior technology to kill an already physically inferior species and got really pissed off when one actually put up a real fight.
Predator Wastelands isn't a total waste. Cast is game. You can sense the people making it were trying. Unfortunately, it's a sci-fi action movie that can only afford the barest minimum sci-fi action so we get yet another Asylum fili(mock)buster that is mostly just endless talking about the plot.
November 5, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Predator Wastelands isn't a total waste. Cast is game. You can sense the people making it were trying. Unfortunately, it's a sci-fi action movie that can only afford the barest minimum sci-fi action so we get yet another Asylum fili(mock)buster that is mostly just endless talking about the plot.
Would you believe me if I told you the new Tubi original horror flick MATCH is actually wildly entertaining?
Kinda dark
Kinda shocking
Kinda gross
Kinda dumb
Kinda heartfelt
Kinda sleazy
Kinda cheesy
Kinda scary
Kinda fun
Kinda unpredictable
Go in blind.
***1/2
Kinda dark
Kinda shocking
Kinda gross
Kinda dumb
Kinda heartfelt
Kinda sleazy
Kinda cheesy
Kinda scary
Kinda fun
Kinda unpredictable
Go in blind.
***1/2
October 30, 2025 at 4:46 PM
Would you believe me if I told you the new Tubi original horror flick MATCH is actually wildly entertaining?
Kinda dark
Kinda shocking
Kinda gross
Kinda dumb
Kinda heartfelt
Kinda sleazy
Kinda cheesy
Kinda scary
Kinda fun
Kinda unpredictable
Go in blind.
***1/2
Kinda dark
Kinda shocking
Kinda gross
Kinda dumb
Kinda heartfelt
Kinda sleazy
Kinda cheesy
Kinda scary
Kinda fun
Kinda unpredictable
Go in blind.
***1/2
The Asylum counterprogramming Badlands with their own Predator/Dune hybrid mockbuster.
October 29, 2025 at 10:26 PM
The Asylum counterprogramming Badlands with their own Predator/Dune hybrid mockbuster.
The Substance meets The Wasp Woman in The Lobster Lady-- I mean Shell. Really wanted to like this more than I did. Starts strong before soon developing a nagging sense of "Would you get on with it already?" Then goes full b-movie silly for what still felt like kind of an unsatisfying climax. **1/2
October 18, 2025 at 8:25 PM
The Substance meets The Wasp Woman in The Lobster Lady-- I mean Shell. Really wanted to like this more than I did. Starts strong before soon developing a nagging sense of "Would you get on with it already?" Then goes full b-movie silly for what still felt like kind of an unsatisfying climax. **1/2
A sequel to a 23 year old movie most hated and you don't even own the rights to the title anymore so you have to explain on the poster what it's meant to be a sequel to. Good luck with that.
October 17, 2025 at 6:38 PM
A sequel to a 23 year old movie most hated and you don't even own the rights to the title anymore so you have to explain on the poster what it's meant to be a sequel to. Good luck with that.
Landsharks stalk British women in toxic-laden bikinis. Bikini-sniffing dolt goes insane from the chemicals. Another wants to shoot his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. Takes itself weirdly serious. Not one scene set in the water. If it wasn't so damn dull it might have been something.
October 15, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Landsharks stalk British women in toxic-laden bikinis. Bikini-sniffing dolt goes insane from the chemicals. Another wants to shoot his pregnant girlfriend in the stomach. Takes itself weirdly serious. Not one scene set in the water. If it wasn't so damn dull it might have been something.
HIM aka ROSEMARY'S BRADY
What if STARRY EYES developed CTE?
No idea what I just watched but it was definitely something. Just not sure a lot of those somethings actually made any sense.
Marlon Wayans is pretty great.
The ending left me thinking, "Really? That's it?"
**1/2
What if STARRY EYES developed CTE?
No idea what I just watched but it was definitely something. Just not sure a lot of those somethings actually made any sense.
Marlon Wayans is pretty great.
The ending left me thinking, "Really? That's it?"
**1/2
September 23, 2025 at 8:34 PM
HIM aka ROSEMARY'S BRADY
What if STARRY EYES developed CTE?
No idea what I just watched but it was definitely something. Just not sure a lot of those somethings actually made any sense.
Marlon Wayans is pretty great.
The ending left me thinking, "Really? That's it?"
**1/2
What if STARRY EYES developed CTE?
No idea what I just watched but it was definitely something. Just not sure a lot of those somethings actually made any sense.
Marlon Wayans is pretty great.
The ending left me thinking, "Really? That's it?"
**1/2
66 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Nothing much happens and even less makes sense. Contrary to the artwork, there are no helicopters or cities. Heck, there's barely even a hydra. Boring as hell. Rating it one star because, if nothing else and there was nothing else, it took itself seriously.
September 22, 2025 at 6:24 AM
66 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Nothing much happens and even less makes sense. Contrary to the artwork, there are no helicopters or cities. Heck, there's barely even a hydra. Boring as hell. Rating it one star because, if nothing else and there was nothing else, it took itself seriously.
UT LAN: THE GUARDIAN DEMON (2025): Everything that happens in this film could have been avoided if only rich people in Vietnam could use a bank like normal folk instead of locking all their gold in an underground vault guarded by a malformed demon they spawned via human sacrifice.
TWO STARS
TWO STARS
September 11, 2025 at 5:00 PM
UT LAN: THE GUARDIAN DEMON (2025): Everything that happens in this film could have been avoided if only rich people in Vietnam could use a bank like normal folk instead of locking all their gold in an underground vault guarded by a malformed demon they spawned via human sacrifice.
TWO STARS
TWO STARS
Odd movie. Bland, almost family-friendly drama about a father/daughter protecting their safari rescue from criminals trying to steal their newly arrived hippos. Except momma hippo gorily bites off limbs, crushes skulls, and squishes folk to death - not all of whom are bad guys.
September 3, 2025 at 10:27 PM
Odd movie. Bland, almost family-friendly drama about a father/daughter protecting their safari rescue from criminals trying to steal their newly arrived hippos. Except momma hippo gorily bites off limbs, crushes skulls, and squishes folk to death - not all of whom are bad guys.
Jason looks like Charlie Brown cosplaying as him, and why does Michael appear to be smiling after having his eyes shot out?
September 2, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Jason looks like Charlie Brown cosplaying as him, and why does Michael appear to be smiling after having his eyes shot out?
If you've never seen The Death of Stalin, it's free on Tubi right now. I highly recommend doing so, not only because of what a brilliant satire it is, but also because there's a good chance it's about to become quite prescient.
September 1, 2025 at 7:48 PM
If you've never seen The Death of Stalin, it's free on Tubi right now. I highly recommend doing so, not only because of what a brilliant satire it is, but also because there's a good chance it's about to become quite prescient.
Terrible news, everyone.
I ate some of those radioactive shrimp from Walmart and... well... I woke up like this.
I ate some of those radioactive shrimp from Walmart and... well... I woke up like this.
August 23, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Terrible news, everyone.
I ate some of those radioactive shrimp from Walmart and... well... I woke up like this.
I ate some of those radioactive shrimp from Walmart and... well... I woke up like this.
THE SUPER NINJA (1984)
***volume up***
***volume up***
August 21, 2025 at 6:45 PM
THE SUPER NINJA (1984)
***volume up***
***volume up***
Rented what turned out to be a true worst of the year contender. Boring. Excessively long. Low energy uninspired action. Sleepwalking actors. Neeson visibly does not give a damn here. Bold move to base a chase flick around busses that can't go faster than 40 mph. Nice scenery. I'll give it that.
August 20, 2025 at 8:48 PM
Rented what turned out to be a true worst of the year contender. Boring. Excessively long. Low energy uninspired action. Sleepwalking actors. Neeson visibly does not give a damn here. Bold move to base a chase flick around busses that can't go faster than 40 mph. Nice scenery. I'll give it that.
Can this movie possibly live up to its just released artwork.
August 18, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Can this movie possibly live up to its just released artwork.
But will this film live up to its just released artwork?
August 18, 2025 at 6:04 PM
But will this film live up to its just released artwork?
Richard Stanley writing Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3?
Well, this is definitely going to be... something.
Well, this is definitely going to be... something.
August 12, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Richard Stanley writing Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 3?
Well, this is definitely going to be... something.
Well, this is definitely going to be... something.
