Emma Chittenden
@emmachittenden.com
Taxonomist | Ontologist | Systems thinker | Polymath | Nerd | Mother of dog and cat | Feminist | www.murmuration.uk
When they finally give you “zee really gut drugz” (he’s stoned on a cocktail of gabapentin, metacam and paracetamol), 1 week post surgery we seem to have got his pain under control, finally - surgery was fine, post op complication not so much
November 4, 2025 at 9:49 PM
When they finally give you “zee really gut drugz” (he’s stoned on a cocktail of gabapentin, metacam and paracetamol), 1 week post surgery we seem to have got his pain under control, finally - surgery was fine, post op complication not so much
“No, exotic… I always get those to muddled up” and “Guinea Pigs for Fun and Profit”
If you know, you know.
If you know, you know.
October 11, 2025 at 2:20 PM
“No, exotic… I always get those to muddled up” and “Guinea Pigs for Fun and Profit”
If you know, you know.
If you know, you know.
I have an important decision to make...
Jumbo battered sausage or battered cod from the fish and chip van this evening?? 🤔
(it's been a fucking long day that's involved getting up 2 hours early so I can have a shower before they turned my gas off, for 90 fucking minutes 😑)
Jumbo battered sausage or battered cod from the fish and chip van this evening?? 🤔
(it's been a fucking long day that's involved getting up 2 hours early so I can have a shower before they turned my gas off, for 90 fucking minutes 😑)
October 9, 2025 at 3:04 PM
I have an important decision to make...
Jumbo battered sausage or battered cod from the fish and chip van this evening?? 🤔
(it's been a fucking long day that's involved getting up 2 hours early so I can have a shower before they turned my gas off, for 90 fucking minutes 😑)
Jumbo battered sausage or battered cod from the fish and chip van this evening?? 🤔
(it's been a fucking long day that's involved getting up 2 hours early so I can have a shower before they turned my gas off, for 90 fucking minutes 😑)
I did not vote for that sack of sh*t Danny Kruger, I am not happy he's my MP and I'm even LESS happy he's now a f*cking member of Reform.
September 15, 2025 at 11:53 AM
I did not vote for that sack of sh*t Danny Kruger, I am not happy he's my MP and I'm even LESS happy he's now a f*cking member of Reform.
Thank you to whoever sorted out the indexing on NHS.uk - you know what would be awesome now? as I'm assuming that services, conditions, symptoms and medications are sitting in three separate root files, you could do federated search (because that sexy search engine I helped implement supports it)
September 11, 2025 at 10:12 AM
Thank you to whoever sorted out the indexing on NHS.uk - you know what would be awesome now? as I'm assuming that services, conditions, symptoms and medications are sitting in three separate root files, you could do federated search (because that sexy search engine I helped implement supports it)
Ben Stiller smashing the shit out of Adam Scott in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is unbelievably enjoyable. (I can’t stand Scott, he’s a talentless irritant).
August 25, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Ben Stiller smashing the shit out of Adam Scott in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is unbelievably enjoyable. (I can’t stand Scott, he’s a talentless irritant).
Dough is my nemesis, but I remembered I've got a recipe from Morito that turned out OK ish. so I thought I'd give it a go using my Gozney (my cooker is shite). turned out *AMAZING* the long batons are Leek and Feta Gözleme, which are Ok but not as great as I thought they would be.
August 24, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Dough is my nemesis, but I remembered I've got a recipe from Morito that turned out OK ish. so I thought I'd give it a go using my Gozney (my cooker is shite). turned out *AMAZING* the long batons are Leek and Feta Gözleme, which are Ok but not as great as I thought they would be.
There are two social housing properties to one side of my home. earlier this summer, there was a house swap (because once you've got social housing you can move around within the network). Unfortunately, I now have neighbours from hell
August 23, 2025 at 5:37 PM
There are two social housing properties to one side of my home. earlier this summer, there was a house swap (because once you've got social housing you can move around within the network). Unfortunately, I now have neighbours from hell
So the Thursday Murder Club is why book lovers have trust issues.
They know what they did 👀
They know what they did 👀
August 23, 2025 at 9:57 AM
So the Thursday Murder Club is why book lovers have trust issues.
They know what they did 👀
They know what they did 👀
American reality shows are all “oh my GOSH” and “oh my goodness!!”
Meanwhile in the uk: “bloody hell” and “holy shit”
It’s at the point of slightly dystopian 👀
Meanwhile in the uk: “bloody hell” and “holy shit”
It’s at the point of slightly dystopian 👀
August 22, 2025 at 9:20 PM
American reality shows are all “oh my GOSH” and “oh my goodness!!”
Meanwhile in the uk: “bloody hell” and “holy shit”
It’s at the point of slightly dystopian 👀
Meanwhile in the uk: “bloody hell” and “holy shit”
It’s at the point of slightly dystopian 👀
Imagine taking out a mortgage, and the mortgage company asks you if you have pets, you say yes, and they either double the deposit you need to pay or they charge you an arbitrary amount, per pet, per month. Because that’s what it’s like trying to find somewhere to rent in 2025
August 21, 2025 at 8:08 PM
Imagine taking out a mortgage, and the mortgage company asks you if you have pets, you say yes, and they either double the deposit you need to pay or they charge you an arbitrary amount, per pet, per month. Because that’s what it’s like trying to find somewhere to rent in 2025
Some excellent news in my week! Dept Q is getting a second season 🙌🙌
August 19, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Some excellent news in my week! Dept Q is getting a second season 🙌🙌
cat.exe has crashed. please poke cat to reboot
August 14, 2025 at 8:31 PM
cat.exe has crashed. please poke cat to reboot
Things I have done in the last week:
Relocated a bumble bee from near my car tyre to a bush (while talking to it)
Escorted a mahoosive dragon fly out of my conservatory before my cats were able to play with it
Cried at seeing a dead hedgehog
Animals are infinitely better than humans
Relocated a bumble bee from near my car tyre to a bush (while talking to it)
Escorted a mahoosive dragon fly out of my conservatory before my cats were able to play with it
Cried at seeing a dead hedgehog
Animals are infinitely better than humans
August 13, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Things I have done in the last week:
Relocated a bumble bee from near my car tyre to a bush (while talking to it)
Escorted a mahoosive dragon fly out of my conservatory before my cats were able to play with it
Cried at seeing a dead hedgehog
Animals are infinitely better than humans
Relocated a bumble bee from near my car tyre to a bush (while talking to it)
Escorted a mahoosive dragon fly out of my conservatory before my cats were able to play with it
Cried at seeing a dead hedgehog
Animals are infinitely better than humans
If a sigh-roll (a sigh + eyeroll)were a picture
August 12, 2025 at 8:16 PM
If a sigh-roll (a sigh + eyeroll)were a picture
cat.exe has overheated.
August 12, 2025 at 2:29 PM
cat.exe has overheated.
things I've already said this morning
"surprisingly, I don't want your bum in my face while I drink coffee"
"I know you want to go out in the conservatory but even you can't handle the heat today"
"will you go and yell at the fat pidge somewhere else please?"
Burmese cats 🙄
"surprisingly, I don't want your bum in my face while I drink coffee"
"I know you want to go out in the conservatory but even you can't handle the heat today"
"will you go and yell at the fat pidge somewhere else please?"
Burmese cats 🙄
August 11, 2025 at 9:03 AM
things I've already said this morning
"surprisingly, I don't want your bum in my face while I drink coffee"
"I know you want to go out in the conservatory but even you can't handle the heat today"
"will you go and yell at the fat pidge somewhere else please?"
Burmese cats 🙄
"surprisingly, I don't want your bum in my face while I drink coffee"
"I know you want to go out in the conservatory but even you can't handle the heat today"
"will you go and yell at the fat pidge somewhere else please?"
Burmese cats 🙄
The dog went grazing on fallen apples in the garden. We are all now paying the price for this. Luna as sensibly left the room. Weirdo and I are being gassed. I think it’s time for bed.
August 8, 2025 at 9:21 PM
The dog went grazing on fallen apples in the garden. We are all now paying the price for this. Luna as sensibly left the room. Weirdo and I are being gassed. I think it’s time for bed.
FINALLY. Carrie has seen sense. Until she hasn’t, which we all know will happen. Why does she keep going backwards??
July 25, 2025 at 9:04 PM
FINALLY. Carrie has seen sense. Until she hasn’t, which we all know will happen. Why does she keep going backwards??
Is it that he's not f*cking welcome? unless he's staying with the Bamfords, they seem to tolerate racists, and I'm sure Clarkson will give him a nice warm welcome
The vice-president is planning a trip to the area. Here’s what he needs to know, says local Simon Mills
JD Vance and the Cotswolds set
www.thetimes.com
July 22, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Is it that he's not f*cking welcome? unless he's staying with the Bamfords, they seem to tolerate racists, and I'm sure Clarkson will give him a nice warm welcome
Why has nobody told me about chorizo stuffed olives before?!?
July 19, 2025 at 6:36 PM
Why has nobody told me about chorizo stuffed olives before?!?
I know 47 is dumb as a box of rocks (poss unfair to the rocks tbf), but threatening a country that already has more sanctions to count against it, and from what I'm aware very little if any trade with the US, with "severe tariffs" is a bit like wagging your finger and saying he's a very naughty boy
July 14, 2025 at 4:39 PM
I know 47 is dumb as a box of rocks (poss unfair to the rocks tbf), but threatening a country that already has more sanctions to count against it, and from what I'm aware very little if any trade with the US, with "severe tariffs" is a bit like wagging your finger and saying he's a very naughty boy
Could I possibly suggest that organisations do an audit of historic complaints against men with problematic behaviour and, oh I don't know, DO something about them before women are forced to go public. TWELVE complaints against that grubby greengrocer between 2005 and 2024 they did f*ck all about.
July 14, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Could I possibly suggest that organisations do an audit of historic complaints against men with problematic behaviour and, oh I don't know, DO something about them before women are forced to go public. TWELVE complaints against that grubby greengrocer between 2005 and 2024 they did f*ck all about.
Why is everyone losing their shit over a social media platform doing the thing most of us left the dead bird site for? i.e. doing something to protect us?? Because it’s sound like “you must do things to protect us, oh no, not like that.”
July 11, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Why is everyone losing their shit over a social media platform doing the thing most of us left the dead bird site for? i.e. doing something to protect us?? Because it’s sound like “you must do things to protect us, oh no, not like that.”
Between my GP surgery patient management platform and the NHS app I feel like I'm being stalked by the Mrs Doyle equivalent of reminders. I've had 3 messages from the NHS app (which is so damn clunky to get into now) and a text message to remind me of an appointment I already put in my calendar 🫠
July 10, 2025 at 11:46 AM
Between my GP surgery patient management platform and the NHS app I feel like I'm being stalked by the Mrs Doyle equivalent of reminders. I've had 3 messages from the NHS app (which is so damn clunky to get into now) and a text message to remind me of an appointment I already put in my calendar 🫠