Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
@dumbmike.bsky.social
I run a kill shelter for small dogs 💖
Pinned
It's pretty funny that everyone who is a good poster has perfect political thoughts, but everyone who is a bad poster also disagrees with me and is annoying. Not funny ha ha but funny hmmm: like a penis tied in a pretzel shape instead of like a penis whizzing air around like an untied balloon.
November 11, 2025 at 2:10 AM
It's pretty funny that everyone who is a good poster has perfect political thoughts, but everyone who is a bad poster also disagrees with me and is annoying. Not funny ha ha but funny hmmm: like a penis tied in a pretzel shape instead of like a penis whizzing air around like an untied balloon.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Elon I heard Joy Carol Oates say she’s never seen you drink a thermometer. She’s saying you haven’t even ingested one temperature.
November 10, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Elon I heard Joy Carol Oates say she’s never seen you drink a thermometer. She’s saying you haven’t even ingested one temperature.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
are you prepared to experience the most cursed comic book page ever printed?
November 10, 2025 at 7:43 PM
are you prepared to experience the most cursed comic book page ever printed?
Imagine how he would react if you could go back in time and tell George Washington himself that our president, is a dingdong
November 10, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Imagine how he would react if you could go back in time and tell George Washington himself that our president, is a dingdong
My name is Three Small Plops, so when I'm in the bathroom stall at work, my coworkers will crowd around and cheer to hear the third one fall. But it's just my name, not a promise. I can be constipated like anyone else, or, in cases of extreme sickness, I can deal with such situations as diarrhea.
November 10, 2025 at 6:53 PM
My name is Three Small Plops, so when I'm in the bathroom stall at work, my coworkers will crowd around and cheer to hear the third one fall. But it's just my name, not a promise. I can be constipated like anyone else, or, in cases of extreme sickness, I can deal with such situations as diarrhea.
Learning the alphabet has been my most productive 2025 project by far, and to think it all started with a simple “ ᴀ ”
November 10, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Learning the alphabet has been my most productive 2025 project by far, and to think it all started with a simple “ ᴀ ”
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I got deep enough in Hades 2 now that they ran out of plot dialogue and they're all just planning the JFK assassination. Hecate keeps saying shit like "Perhaps a metal arrow from a high clocktower fired shall slay Camelot's fair king. I could enchant it to strike many times. We shall think on this."
November 10, 2025 at 4:41 AM
I got deep enough in Hades 2 now that they ran out of plot dialogue and they're all just planning the JFK assassination. Hecate keeps saying shit like "Perhaps a metal arrow from a high clocktower fired shall slay Camelot's fair king. I could enchant it to strike many times. We shall think on this."
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Whose woods these are I think I know.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
November 9, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Whose woods these are I think I know.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
November 10, 2025 at 12:13 AM
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
I got deep enough in Hades 2 now that they ran out of plot dialogue and they're all just planning the JFK assassination. Hecate keeps saying shit like "Perhaps a metal arrow from a high clocktower fired shall slay Camelot's fair king. I could enchant it to strike many times. We shall think on this."
November 10, 2025 at 4:41 AM
I got deep enough in Hades 2 now that they ran out of plot dialogue and they're all just planning the JFK assassination. Hecate keeps saying shit like "Perhaps a metal arrow from a high clocktower fired shall slay Camelot's fair king. I could enchant it to strike many times. We shall think on this."
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
TEACHER: I'm getting concerned that your son is looking more and more exactly like the contemporary adult Barack Obama.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
November 8, 2025 at 2:44 PM
TEACHER: I'm getting concerned that your son is looking more and more exactly like the contemporary adult Barack Obama.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
ME: Sorry about my pants situation by the way. It turns out my flesh-eating bacterial infection is also a 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴-eating bacterial infection.
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 PM
ME: Sorry about my pants situation by the way. It turns out my flesh-eating bacterial infection is also a 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴-eating bacterial infection.
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
November 10, 2025 at 12:13 AM
COBBLER: Oh woe is me! I'm too poorly to finish these fine leather shoes!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
~next day~
COBBLER: Goodness! My work was finished overnight with perfect craftsmanship by kindly elves!
~that night~
COBBLER: (loudly) Oh how dearly I need to shave my armpits, pubic mound, legs and anus with no razor burn!
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I bet I could wreck a Hobbit open palm slaps only no knuckles allowed. Just one well placed pop across the rosy cheek, thrown from the shoulder, and Pippin goes spinning to the dirt floor. Knock his fucking lights into The Age That Comes After.
November 8, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I bet I could wreck a Hobbit open palm slaps only no knuckles allowed. Just one well placed pop across the rosy cheek, thrown from the shoulder, and Pippin goes spinning to the dirt floor. Knock his fucking lights into The Age That Comes After.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
November 9, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Whose woods these are I think I know.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
He's Mario's evil cousin though.
dropping a tall glass of fresh squeezed orange juice off at the drug testing clinic as my urinalysis sample
November 9, 2025 at 8:03 PM
dropping a tall glass of fresh squeezed orange juice off at the drug testing clinic as my urinalysis sample
It's been a while since I streamed but tune in tonight at 8 PM to catch me giving birth directly into the camera. Don't want to spoil the surprise but it's not to a baby! Not even sure what it will be myself, but its spindly arms are already out and grasping around for a handhold. Could be earlier.
November 8, 2025 at 6:32 PM
It's been a while since I streamed but tune in tonight at 8 PM to catch me giving birth directly into the camera. Don't want to spoil the surprise but it's not to a baby! Not even sure what it will be myself, but its spindly arms are already out and grasping around for a handhold. Could be earlier.
I bet I could wreck a Hobbit open palm slaps only no knuckles allowed. Just one well placed pop across the rosy cheek, thrown from the shoulder, and Pippin goes spinning to the dirt floor. Knock his fucking lights into The Age That Comes After.
November 8, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I bet I could wreck a Hobbit open palm slaps only no knuckles allowed. Just one well placed pop across the rosy cheek, thrown from the shoulder, and Pippin goes spinning to the dirt floor. Knock his fucking lights into The Age That Comes After.
ME: Sorry about my pants situation by the way. It turns out my flesh-eating bacterial infection is also a 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴-eating bacterial infection.
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 PM
ME: Sorry about my pants situation by the way. It turns out my flesh-eating bacterial infection is also a 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴-eating bacterial infection.
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
CASHIER: With tax, the total for one individually wrapped condom is $3.17.
ME: Great, thanks. Hey you free after this?
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My billion dollar idea? A video game called Celebrity Kitchen Smash: you go to a celeb's house and break all their dishware. DLC lets you go to new celebs' houses, but you wouldn't see them, just the hired staff screaming "These are Madonna's plates! What will Madonna eat her coleslaw off of now!!"
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 AM
My billion dollar idea? A video game called Celebrity Kitchen Smash: you go to a celeb's house and break all their dishware. DLC lets you go to new celebs' houses, but you wouldn't see them, just the hired staff screaming "These are Madonna's plates! What will Madonna eat her coleslaw off of now!!"
TEACHER: I'm getting concerned that your son is looking more and more exactly like the contemporary adult Barack Obama.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
November 8, 2025 at 2:44 PM
TEACHER: I'm getting concerned that your son is looking more and more exactly like the contemporary adult Barack Obama.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
ME: That's right. We're raising a new child Obama. He became this way instead of being born like that.
TEACHER: I hope you understand, I am required by law to report this.
Scariest things for a ghost to whisper
👻 I wait for you…
👻 Come… come to me…
👻 Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 It hurts… everything hurts…
👻 I died before the release of Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 I long awaited Octopath Traveler 0 on the Nintendo Switch 2…
👻 Even though the first game was rather disappointing…
👻 I wait for you…
👻 Come… come to me…
👻 Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 It hurts… everything hurts…
👻 I died before the release of Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 I long awaited Octopath Traveler 0 on the Nintendo Switch 2…
👻 Even though the first game was rather disappointing…
November 8, 2025 at 5:38 AM
Scariest things for a ghost to whisper
👻 I wait for you…
👻 Come… come to me…
👻 Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 It hurts… everything hurts…
👻 I died before the release of Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 I long awaited Octopath Traveler 0 on the Nintendo Switch 2…
👻 Even though the first game was rather disappointing…
👻 I wait for you…
👻 Come… come to me…
👻 Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 It hurts… everything hurts…
👻 I died before the release of Octopath Traveler 0…
👻 I long awaited Octopath Traveler 0 on the Nintendo Switch 2…
👻 Even though the first game was rather disappointing…
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In high school I had a used copy of the Scarlet Letter and the previous owner hadn't written any notes in it except one. A chapter late in the book starts with Hester telling her daughter to buzz off "so the child flew away like a bird". The passage was circled and in the margin was "KILL THE WITCH"
November 7, 2025 at 5:50 PM
In high school I had a used copy of the Scarlet Letter and the previous owner hadn't written any notes in it except one. A chapter late in the book starts with Hester telling her daughter to buzz off "so the child flew away like a bird". The passage was circled and in the margin was "KILL THE WITCH"
Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
BORDER CUSTOMS AGENT: What's your reason for crossing?
ME: Mmmmm. M- Mile. Uh, I mean. Mike. Did you ask for my name? Sorry. I'm just nervous because I've been driving for so many miles. I mean mikes. You, uh, you don't have my permission to look in the trunk.
ME: Mmmmm. M- Mile. Uh, I mean. Mike. Did you ask for my name? Sorry. I'm just nervous because I've been driving for so many miles. I mean mikes. You, uh, you don't have my permission to look in the trunk.
November 7, 2025 at 4:14 PM
BORDER CUSTOMS AGENT: What's your reason for crossing?
ME: Mmmmm. M- Mile. Uh, I mean. Mike. Did you ask for my name? Sorry. I'm just nervous because I've been driving for so many miles. I mean mikes. You, uh, you don't have my permission to look in the trunk.
ME: Mmmmm. M- Mile. Uh, I mean. Mike. Did you ask for my name? Sorry. I'm just nervous because I've been driving for so many miles. I mean mikes. You, uh, you don't have my permission to look in the trunk.
My billion dollar idea? A video game called Celebrity Kitchen Smash: you go to a celeb's house and break all their dishware. DLC lets you go to new celebs' houses, but you wouldn't see them, just the hired staff screaming "These are Madonna's plates! What will Madonna eat her coleslaw off of now!!"
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 AM
My billion dollar idea? A video game called Celebrity Kitchen Smash: you go to a celeb's house and break all their dishware. DLC lets you go to new celebs' houses, but you wouldn't see them, just the hired staff screaming "These are Madonna's plates! What will Madonna eat her coleslaw off of now!!"