Clare Blackwood
@clareblackwood.bsky.social
Actor/comedian/writer. Words in The Beaverton, CBC Comedy, McSweeney’s, etc. Pierre Poilievre's personal assistant Mandy. she/her [email protected] https://buymeacoffee.com/clareblackwood
Pinned
Listening to radio ads right now is like "Canadians are strong. Canadians are tough. Canadians never back down. Canadians deserve the best. That's why at Bob's Lube Garage, we know your tire lube should smell like poutine and Lake Erie fish,"
so if I'm understanding this correctly, the democrats are giving the republican party exactly what it wants in exchange for the political equivalent of lucy and the football?
November 10, 2025 at 1:58 AM
so if I'm understanding this correctly, the democrats are giving the republican party exactly what it wants in exchange for the political equivalent of lucy and the football?
Jesus Christ, StubHub, give a woman time to grieve
November 9, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Jesus Christ, StubHub, give a woman time to grieve
I forget about the arrival of Canadian winter every year in the same way I forget about my period every month: because it sucks and I hate it
November 9, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I forget about the arrival of Canadian winter every year in the same way I forget about my period every month: because it sucks and I hate it
HOW WAS BASEBALL ONE WEEK AGO WHAT THE HELL
November 9, 2025 at 3:53 PM
HOW WAS BASEBALL ONE WEEK AGO WHAT THE HELL
my body responds to stress by becoming so perpetually exhausted that all I want to do is sleep so I can forget about the stress, which I don't think my ancestors had in mind when they were running from, like, sabertooth tigers
November 9, 2025 at 12:05 AM
my body responds to stress by becoming so perpetually exhausted that all I want to do is sleep so I can forget about the stress, which I don't think my ancestors had in mind when they were running from, like, sabertooth tigers
it's true, every workplace I've ever had has burned to the ground because I had too many opinions and rights! pweaze take them away, US Government! send me back to the kitchen! 🥹👉🏼👈🏼
November 8, 2025 at 5:40 PM
it's true, every workplace I've ever had has burned to the ground because I had too many opinions and rights! pweaze take them away, US Government! send me back to the kitchen! 🥹👉🏼👈🏼
On the one hand, I already miss baseball
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
November 8, 2025 at 3:36 AM
On the one hand, I already miss baseball
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
On the other, I am getting SO much more work done
Hi, I'm Kevin O'Leary, millionaire, Trump lover, Canadian, fraud, bad investor, and person who worships income disparity and believes people in poverty should admire the 1%. Here is why I am extremely angry and confused that I was not Zohran Mamdani's first priority and favourite special little boy
November 7, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Hi, I'm Kevin O'Leary, millionaire, Trump lover, Canadian, fraud, bad investor, and person who worships income disparity and believes people in poverty should admire the 1%. Here is why I am extremely angry and confused that I was not Zohran Mamdani's first priority and favourite special little boy
When I bring the cheque to the table and everyone starts fighting over who gets to pay
November 7, 2025 at 6:40 PM
When I bring the cheque to the table and everyone starts fighting over who gets to pay
new haircut means you can't sit with me
November 7, 2025 at 4:57 PM
new haircut means you can't sit with me
Wherein I suggest Mark Carney is planning to defend our country with an oil-filled moat that's perpetually on fire
We're giving the military how much?! With @clareblackwood.bsky.social @ianmmacintyre.bsky.social and @mmmegan.bsky.social
November 6, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Wherein I suggest Mark Carney is planning to defend our country with an oil-filled moat that's perpetually on fire
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
We all need a dream. Help Clare throw a heater right across the Blue Jays home plate! (chewing tobacco optional)
I have decided that my only goal for 2026 is to somehow throw the first pitch at a Blue Jays game on behalf of @thebeaverton.com. We can make it happen, friends. I believe in us.
November 6, 2025 at 3:03 AM
We all need a dream. Help Clare throw a heater right across the Blue Jays home plate! (chewing tobacco optional)
I have decided that my only goal for 2026 is to somehow throw the first pitch at a Blue Jays game on behalf of @thebeaverton.com. We can make it happen, friends. I believe in us.
November 6, 2025 at 12:31 AM
I have decided that my only goal for 2026 is to somehow throw the first pitch at a Blue Jays game on behalf of @thebeaverton.com. We can make it happen, friends. I believe in us.
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
New podcast just dropped!
-Carney gives all our money to the Armed Forces
-Conservative MP crosses the floor
-We pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays
+ More!
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/3Ej4...
-Carney gives all our money to the Armed Forces
-Conservative MP crosses the floor
-We pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays
+ More!
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/3Ej4...
November 5, 2025 at 2:32 PM
New podcast just dropped!
-Carney gives all our money to the Armed Forces
-Conservative MP crosses the floor
-We pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays
+ More!
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/3Ej4...
-Carney gives all our money to the Armed Forces
-Conservative MP crosses the floor
-We pour one out for our beloved Blue Jays
+ More!
Spotify: open.spotify.com/episode/3Ej4...
If this man is spending 81 BILLION DOLLARS on defence, we'd better be getting some fucking armoured moose battalions or Canada geese modified to shoot lasers our of their eyes or I'm taking my tax dollars back. www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
Budget touts $81.8B defence investment as a sovereignty 'blueprint' but offers only rough fiscal sketches | CBC News
Prime Minister Mark Carney’s first budget delivers a historic investment in defence and the defence industry. But the fiscal plan is light on specifics on how and when the roughly $81.8 billion will b...
www.cbc.ca
November 5, 2025 at 1:50 AM
If this man is spending 81 BILLION DOLLARS on defence, we'd better be getting some fucking armoured moose battalions or Canada geese modified to shoot lasers our of their eyes or I'm taking my tax dollars back. www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
This season on the Hallmark Channel:
“He’s a no-nonsense banker trying to run a country. HE’S a shit disturber who needs to learn the meaning of Christmas. When they meet under the House Floor mistletoe, sparks (and reindeer) fly, in “A Very Ottawa Christmas.”
www.ctvnews.ca/politics/art...
“He’s a no-nonsense banker trying to run a country. HE’S a shit disturber who needs to learn the meaning of Christmas. When they meet under the House Floor mistletoe, sparks (and reindeer) fly, in “A Very Ottawa Christmas.”
www.ctvnews.ca/politics/art...
Government needs opposition support on budget vote to avoid a winter election
Federal politicians of all stripes say they don’t want the coming budget vote to trigger a Christmas election — but nobody’s ruling it out, meaning voters might soon have to resist the temptation to d...
www.ctvnews.ca
November 4, 2025 at 4:37 PM
This season on the Hallmark Channel:
“He’s a no-nonsense banker trying to run a country. HE’S a shit disturber who needs to learn the meaning of Christmas. When they meet under the House Floor mistletoe, sparks (and reindeer) fly, in “A Very Ottawa Christmas.”
www.ctvnews.ca/politics/art...
“He’s a no-nonsense banker trying to run a country. HE’S a shit disturber who needs to learn the meaning of Christmas. When they meet under the House Floor mistletoe, sparks (and reindeer) fly, in “A Very Ottawa Christmas.”
www.ctvnews.ca/politics/art...
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
"Hey babe, cheating exists, so I basically HAVE to sleep with your sister"
Coca-Cola's annual Christmas commercial is AI-generated again
The company used even fewer people to make it this year
“We need to keep moving forward and pushing the envelope … The genie is out of the bottle, and you’re not going to put it back in"
(via THR)
The company used even fewer people to make it this year
“We need to keep moving forward and pushing the envelope … The genie is out of the bottle, and you’re not going to put it back in"
(via THR)
November 4, 2025 at 4:28 AM
"Hey babe, cheating exists, so I basically HAVE to sleep with your sister"
"Hey babe, cheating exists, so I basically HAVE to sleep with your sister"
Coca-Cola's annual Christmas commercial is AI-generated again
The company used even fewer people to make it this year
“We need to keep moving forward and pushing the envelope … The genie is out of the bottle, and you’re not going to put it back in"
(via THR)
The company used even fewer people to make it this year
“We need to keep moving forward and pushing the envelope … The genie is out of the bottle, and you’re not going to put it back in"
(via THR)
November 4, 2025 at 4:28 AM
"Hey babe, cheating exists, so I basically HAVE to sleep with your sister"
the positions I sleep in to avoid disturbing my slumbering cat would baffle even the most experienced Twister player
November 3, 2025 at 8:53 PM
the positions I sleep in to avoid disturbing my slumbering cat would baffle even the most experienced Twister player
Going from mispronouncing Zohran's name to not pushing back on Trump falsely calling him a communist straight into calling Trump charismatic is a truly incredible eighteen seconds of journalism.
Some have called Zohran Mamdani, the Democratic socialist front-runner for New York City mayor, a left-wing version of President Trump.
"I think I'm a much better looking person than him," says Trump, after calling Mamdani a "communist."
"I think I'm a much better looking person than him," says Trump, after calling Mamdani a "communist."
November 3, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Going from mispronouncing Zohran's name to not pushing back on Trump falsely calling him a communist straight into calling Trump charismatic is a truly incredible eighteen seconds of journalism.
it actually means you're an unfunny little worm of a man, hope this helps!
November 3, 2025 at 2:09 AM
it actually means you're an unfunny little worm of a man, hope this helps!
filming audition masterpieces to distract from sports pain is truly the actor's way
November 3, 2025 at 1:10 AM
filming audition masterpieces to distract from sports pain is truly the actor's way
I'm in a pit of Baseball Despair today and trying to find the positives, and I have to say: there are SO many people I know - friends, family, acquaintances - who had never watched baseball before this year and are now in love with it because of the 2025 Blue Jays. They were something special.
November 2, 2025 at 5:50 PM
I'm in a pit of Baseball Despair today and trying to find the positives, and I have to say: there are SO many people I know - friends, family, acquaintances - who had never watched baseball before this year and are now in love with it because of the 2025 Blue Jays. They were something special.
I truly believe we were the best team in baseball this year. I really do. We just couldn't do it. I'm so sad. I love them so much. I'm so proud of them and I also want to barf, so I guess that's sports for ya.
November 2, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I truly believe we were the best team in baseball this year. I really do. We just couldn't do it. I'm so sad. I love them so much. I'm so proud of them and I also want to barf, so I guess that's sports for ya.