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brainplan.bsky.social
brainplan
@brainplan.bsky.social
210 followers 530 following 2.6K posts
Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.
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brainplan.bsky.social
happy Thanksgiving, ya turkeys
a cartoon drawing of a turkey wearing a Joey Ramone style black and white horizontal striped t-shirt, black leather jacket, and red tinted shades; the turkey also has a Joey Ramone style haircut the turkey is saying “gobble gobble hey.” and the caption reads TURKEY RAMONE
November 27, 2025 at 12:58 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
folks, it is Thanksgiving Eve
a black and white headshot of Eve “Jan Brady” Plumb that appears to be from the 1980s or early 1990s she is wearing an acid washed jean jacket with the collar partially popped and her hair appears to be pulled back into a ponytail with a side part; her bangs are combed up in a wet look that appears to have involved a good amount of gel and/or some other product a speech balloon coming from her mouth reads “I am going to eat turkey tomorrow” a black and white headshot of Eve “Jan Brady” Plumb that appears to be from the 1980s or early 1990s she is wearing an acid washed jean jacket with the collar partially popped and her hair appears to be pulled back into a ponytail with a side part; her bangs are combed up in a wet look that appears to have involved a good amount of gel and/or some other product a speech balloon coming from her mouth reads “and pie” I don’t think I have used the word “appears” enough in this alt text or the alt text for the other pic in this post, my apologies
November 27, 2025 at 1:13 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
our “we use 100% real chicken in our soups” post is raising a lot of questions already answered by our post
damage control social media post from Campbell’s (following the leak of comments from a former Campbell’s exec who was caught talking shit about Campbell’s products and the people who buy them) with the Campbell’s wordmark at the top of the image; below it text reads: “We're proud of the food we make and the high-quality ingredients we use. Our soups are made with 100% real, antibiotic-free chicken from the U.S. We're thankful for the millions of people who buy and enjoy our food. For more than 150 years, we've made food that we serve at our own tables, and we'll continue to do so for everyone who invites us into their homes. We use quality ingredients and real chicken - always.”
November 26, 2025 at 11:15 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I realize this is low on the list of things that suck but “man, FUCK Vince the ShamWow guy” is not a thought that should be taking up space in my brain these days, I should have zero thoughts whatsoever about ShamWow guy in the year 2025
screenshot from a New York Post social media item featuring a pic of Vince the ShamWow guy; the headline reads “‘ShamWow’ guy Vince Shlomi files for Texas Congress run as GOP candidate” the accompanying caption reads “His decision to run for office was ultimately motivated by a desire to "destroy wokeism" and as a tribute to the late Charlie Kirk.”
November 25, 2025 at 7:07 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
how your email finds me
screenshot of the headline of an article from Vulture reading “I’m Being Driven Insane by Wicked: For Good’s Sex Cardigan”
November 25, 2025 at 4:43 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I know this is a week where no one’s motivated to do anything but I need you all to dig down deep and find it in yourselves to rock on because it’s #RockOnTuesday
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 25, 2025 at 3:18 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
this is, of course, a typo on the banner, which should read:

KEEP CHRISTIN’ THANKSGIVING

(Christin’ = proselytizing = handing out Chick Gospel Tracts to everyone at Thanksgiving dinner)
a banner pinned on a chain link fence which reads KEEP CHRIST “IN” THANKSGIVING
November 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
pictured: Elon Musk, describing what his head looks like HAHAHA GOTTEM
Elon Musk on Joe Rogan’s podcast for dipshits; the closed captioning reads “VULGAR ROAST.”
November 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
when it is 9 PM on any evening after Daylight Saving Time has ended and you ask me what time it is
screenshot from the music video for matchbox twenty’s “3AM” with Rob Thomas singing and the closed captioning reads “it’s 3am”
November 24, 2025 at 2:08 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I used to think that love was just a fairy tale,

until that first hello
until that first smile
the pope singing or speaking into a mic, looking like he’s about to bring the house down during the first top 12 week on American Idol
November 23, 2025 at 2:48 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I hope this is mostly about the making of Rock Swings
ad from HBO featuring a sepia toned pic of a young Paul Anka with the text HBO ORIGINAL PAUL ANKA HIS WAY NEW DOCUMENTARY DECEMBER 1 HBOmax
November 21, 2025 at 7:20 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
“make me look like a Chuck Close portrait,” their clients are saying
pic that accompanied a social media post from huffpost with the headline “Plastic Surgeons Are Noticing 1 Unsettling Trump-Related Trend” above the headline are pics of Trump (at L) and a mystery lady (at R) whose face is pixelated to protect their privacy and is definitely not Kristi Noem so don’t worry about that
November 21, 2025 at 12:22 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
calling off work because I stepped outside and conked my head on a hunk of fog
screenshot from my weather app this morning that reads: ⚠️ WEATHER ALERT Freezing Fog Advisory
November 20, 2025 at 3:57 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
it is International Men’s Day and as a man myself (barely, technically) I think we can all agree that real life men have blown it so let’s focus our energies on celebrating the world’s greatest fictional man:
print ad for the Sport & Shave Ken doll, ad copy reads: It's Ken® with a whole new look for 1980! He's athletic. He's all man. He even “shaves"! Kids can draw a beard on his face, then "shave" it off. Again and again. Or draw funny mustaches. It's fun! They can pretend he's a tennis star or marathon runner with or without a mustache. He's got a big date with glamorous Barbie® doll and he's been working out all day. Never fear - everything's included to help him get ready. Our man Ken comes with beard marker, shaving mug, 2 "shavers,” after shave/cologne bottle, toothbrush, toothpaste tube, hairbrush, comb, hair dryer, wristwatch, tennis racket, jacket, shorts, long pants, shoes. 4-color chip pics included are of a child “shaving” Sport & Shave Ken, detail of the facial hair being drawn on Ken’s face with the beard marker, Ken being “shaved,” Ken in his “Sport” tennis outfit, his “night on the town with Barbie long pants and scandalously revealing satiny shirt, all of the accessories which were definitely not choking and/or shoving up your nose/in your ears hazards for little kids
November 20, 2025 at 1:45 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
FINE, I’ll do it
social media post from Variety featuring a pic of Sylvester Stallone in a snazzy suit and cool guy shades with the headline “Showrunner Wanted: 'Tulsa King' Goes Into Season 4 Without Creative Lead On Set”
November 19, 2025 at 6:01 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
reading rumors that the Pirates are in on Schwarber
Tim Robinson “you sure about that?” face
November 19, 2025 at 1:31 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I found all of that Olivia Nuzzi mess to be pretty funny up until about 24 hours ago, and then it was like a switch flipped and now I every time I see something about it
detail of the panel from Watchmen where Doctor Manhattan is saying “I AM TIRED OF EARTH. THESE PEOPLE. I AM TIRED OF BEING CAUGHT IN THE TANGLE OF THEIR LIVES.”
November 18, 2025 at 7:02 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
people keep asking if we’re having #RockOnTuesday next week since it’s Thanksgiving week and I need you people to focus and practice some mindfulness or whatever, there is a #RockOnTuesday happening TODAY, right now, you should already be rocking on as you’re reading this COME ON
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday
November 18, 2025 at 2:58 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
Von Hayes? The Santa collector?
a mustachioed Von Hayes, sitting in front of his fireplace surrounded by a ridiculous number of Santas (I count at least two dozen surrounding him and on the mantel above him)
November 18, 2025 at 12:56 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
pic of Puddle of Mudd’s Wes Scantlin with headline “Puddle of Mudd's Wes Scantlin wants to move past legal troubles, says he "really seriously don't really do that much wrong things"”
November 17, 2025 at 8:55 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I am SO MAD at this guy for going into the food industry but not doing so for the sole purpose of making a line of handcrafted breakfast syrups called Stavis Maples
LinkedIn profile page for Matt Stavis; bio reads “Hard working cook passionate about food and creating a great work environment” below bio, info reads “GALA CATERING, INC. • Salem State University Gloucester, Massachusetts, United States”
November 15, 2025 at 5:05 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
who among us, amirite
that dumb NYT Olivia Nuzzi “cover” image, with headline changed to “Olivia Nuzzi Did It All for the Nookie”
November 15, 2025 at 12:00 AM
brainplan.bsky.social
I am always saying this
the back of a box from a Department 56 North Pole Series decorative piece featuring a pic of Marie Osmond and under the heading “Marie’s Doll Museum” reads: “What's the busiest attraction at the North Pole? "Marie's Doll Museum", of course, created in recognition of it's namesake curator, Marie Osmond! Most museums offer artist's masterpieces or artifacts, but in Santa's magical world residents are more fascinated by the mechanics, features, and "cuddle appeal" of the town's ever-expanding doll collection. Side tours are given for the gift shop and there's doll repair for those residents who want just a "dollop" more than the everyday tour.”
November 13, 2025 at 6:49 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I drew this 4 years ago and have mixed feelings about the fact that it is still…I wanna say “apt,” for lack of a better word
comic drawn with black ink rollerball pen on a sheet of yellow mini legal pad paper text with 3D boxy effect floating at various slight angles on the top 3/4 of the page reads (top to bottom) “How?” “why?” “can we Not?” at the bottom of the image at L a blobby figure with long skinny arms, droopy eyelids, two prominent top front teeth, and tube socks (the right one has partly come off) stands silently to the R this creature, 2D text reads “WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ANYMORE?”
November 13, 2025 at 3:33 PM
brainplan.bsky.social
I do not agree with JD Vance on much but I gotta hand it to him here
screenshot of a video of JD Vance speaking with RFK Jr. at the dipshit MAHA summit in Washington, DC they’re sitting facing each other in weird looking chairs (probably sold to RFK Jr. for a small fortune by a scam artist who claimed they were “PFA free”) and talking about how Icy Hot causes ADHD or whatever the fuck the caption which has definitely not been altered reads “JD Vance: "Science as practiced in its best form is the kind a woman can blind you with."” honestly, fuck both of these pieces of shit, I hope they both get chronic beef tallow french fry induced hemorrhoids
November 12, 2025 at 6:07 PM