Honourable Goober the Ween || they/them
@bleedingtype.bsky.social
ℹ️ Kris, 30+, 🇨🇦, they/them; 🏳️🌈alphabet mafioso; ✍🏽 wordsmith & sentence wrangler; 🔞 rated R; 👋🏽gold of heart, dumb of ass; 📥 DM for commissions; 🌐 https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingTypewriter/works
me, a person who can literally only stand to kiss with tongue if teeth have recently been brushed, and who recoils at even the thought of an unwashed genital near my nostrils: COME ON, STICK UR NOSE IN HIS ARMPIT OR SOMETHING. HUFF HIS BALLS. SNIFF HIS POST-WORKOUT DICK LIKE IT’S A FINE CIGAR.
December 5, 2025 at 1:44 AM
me, a person who can literally only stand to kiss with tongue if teeth have recently been brushed, and who recoils at even the thought of an unwashed genital near my nostrils: COME ON, STICK UR NOSE IN HIS ARMPIT OR SOMETHING. HUFF HIS BALLS. SNIFF HIS POST-WORKOUT DICK LIKE IT’S A FINE CIGAR.
(thread brought to you by the fact that my anniversary is, in fact, on December 16th, and my friends, this is a DUMB time of year to have to think about celebrating ANOTHER THING 😭 lol the sequel to this would just be exhausted Ghoap getting the fuckin’ in before the Dec. 23-26 family time break)
December 4, 2025 at 11:19 PM
(thread brought to you by the fact that my anniversary is, in fact, on December 16th, and my friends, this is a DUMB time of year to have to think about celebrating ANOTHER THING 😭 lol the sequel to this would just be exhausted Ghoap getting the fuckin’ in before the Dec. 23-26 family time break)
(And then, of course, in this Christmas fic that remains an X-rated Hallmark movie in my head, Soap also gives Ghost his original idea once they’re back on base. He finds a pretty red ribbon and ties bows all over himself and gets Ghost to unwrap him, etc., it’s silly and sexy and sweet. THE END.)
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
(And then, of course, in this Christmas fic that remains an X-rated Hallmark movie in my head, Soap also gives Ghost his original idea once they’re back on base. He finds a pretty red ribbon and ties bows all over himself and gets Ghost to unwrap him, etc., it’s silly and sexy and sweet. THE END.)
And luckily, Soap speaks Ghost just fluently enough for this, so he gets it. Doesn’t say anything about it, and pretends it doesn’t mean the world when Simon wraps it carefully at the end of their stay and gives it to his ma, “To keep safe with the rest. So I can hang it when I come next year.”
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
And luckily, Soap speaks Ghost just fluently enough for this, so he gets it. Doesn’t say anything about it, and pretends it doesn’t mean the world when Simon wraps it carefully at the end of their stay and gives it to his ma, “To keep safe with the rest. So I can hang it when I come next year.”
For the rest of the night, Soap catches him at it: staring almost guiltily, looking around when he realizes he doing it, like it’s something shameful.
Soap, though he’d never say it, is reminded of a stray dog embarrassed to have been convinced to offer up his belly for pets.
Soap, though he’d never say it, is reminded of a stray dog embarrassed to have been convinced to offer up his belly for pets.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
For the rest of the night, Soap catches him at it: staring almost guiltily, looking around when he realizes he doing it, like it’s something shameful.
Soap, though he’d never say it, is reminded of a stray dog embarrassed to have been convinced to offer up his belly for pets.
Soap, though he’d never say it, is reminded of a stray dog embarrassed to have been convinced to offer up his belly for pets.
And he fusses with it until it’s exactly right, a single fairy light in the middle casting shadows through the metal geometry.
And he doesn’t say anything after, just sits back down as the rest of the room oohs and awws as is expected of them.
He keeps glancing at the tree, though.
And he doesn’t say anything after, just sits back down as the rest of the room oohs and awws as is expected of them.
He keeps glancing at the tree, though.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
And he fusses with it until it’s exactly right, a single fairy light in the middle casting shadows through the metal geometry.
And he doesn’t say anything after, just sits back down as the rest of the room oohs and awws as is expected of them.
He keeps glancing at the tree, though.
And he doesn’t say anything after, just sits back down as the rest of the room oohs and awws as is expected of them.
He keeps glancing at the tree, though.
“It’s perfect,” Simon says when he opens it Christmas morning.
Soap doubts it, but only for a second.
Because in the next, Ghost is standing and rearranging the lights on the tree just so around one bough, so that he can hang his new ornament in the space he’s made.
Soap doubts it, but only for a second.
Because in the next, Ghost is standing and rearranging the lights on the tree just so around one bough, so that he can hang his new ornament in the space he’s made.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
“It’s perfect,” Simon says when he opens it Christmas morning.
Soap doubts it, but only for a second.
Because in the next, Ghost is standing and rearranging the lights on the tree just so around one bough, so that he can hang his new ornament in the space he’s made.
Soap doubts it, but only for a second.
Because in the next, Ghost is standing and rearranging the lights on the tree just so around one bough, so that he can hang his new ornament in the space he’s made.
He’d figured, in the split second he’d spent thinking about it before buying it, that it would mean Ghost would always have something he’d be able to put on the tree without fear, but now that seems misguided and dumb. Its sappy. It’s presumptuous. It’s boring.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
He’d figured, in the split second he’d spent thinking about it before buying it, that it would mean Ghost would always have something he’d be able to put on the tree without fear, but now that seems misguided and dumb. Its sappy. It’s presumptuous. It’s boring.
He’d staunchly kept to the cheap plastic baubles and tinsel to be sure not to break anything.
So the ornament Soap’s got him is made of dark metal, a teardrop-shaped thing made of twists and loops, shined to a sharp perfection.
So the ornament Soap’s got him is made of dark metal, a teardrop-shaped thing made of twists and loops, shined to a sharp perfection.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
He’d staunchly kept to the cheap plastic baubles and tinsel to be sure not to break anything.
So the ornament Soap’s got him is made of dark metal, a teardrop-shaped thing made of twists and loops, shined to a sharp perfection.
So the ornament Soap’s got him is made of dark metal, a teardrop-shaped thing made of twists and loops, shined to a sharp perfection.
He despairs afterward; debates chucking the thing and claiming Ghost’s present got delayed in the mail or something. It’s based on a stupid little throwaway comment that Ghost had made when they were decorating the tree—that he’d never done it before, and hadn’t wanted to touch anything too fragile.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
He despairs afterward; debates chucking the thing and claiming Ghost’s present got delayed in the mail or something. It’s based on a stupid little throwaway comment that Ghost had made when they were decorating the tree—that he’d never done it before, and hadn’t wanted to touch anything too fragile.
And even the gift thing…Soap panics and waits too long, so while they’re out on their Christmas Eve market trip, while Ghost is busy fighting his way through to the hot chocolate stand for the sake of his little niece, Soap buys a silly little Christmas ornament and stuffs it in his pocket.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
And even the gift thing…Soap panics and waits too long, so while they’re out on their Christmas Eve market trip, while Ghost is busy fighting his way through to the hot chocolate stand for the sake of his little niece, Soap buys a silly little Christmas ornament and stuffs it in his pocket.
Soap’s ma nearly swoons when she realizes that Ghost is big and tall enough for them to use the big pot for tablet. He’s strong enough to hoist the whole thing up afterward, and pour it out smooth with his (freakishly strong, turns out) forearms.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Soap’s ma nearly swoons when she realizes that Ghost is big and tall enough for them to use the big pot for tablet. He’s strong enough to hoist the whole thing up afterward, and pour it out smooth with his (freakishly strong, turns out) forearms.
Simon doesn’t say much of anything about anything, just dutifully does what he’s told. He’s taller than the lot of them, so he puts the star on top of the tree. He elbows his way through the market crowds to clear a path for them.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Simon doesn’t say much of anything about anything, just dutifully does what he’s told. He’s taller than the lot of them, so he puts the star on top of the tree. He elbows his way through the market crowds to clear a path for them.
His sisters are brutal; a right cacophony when he first introduces them, nothing but screeching laughter and Scots so quick and thick even Soap can barely understand it, god help Simon.
But apparently Ghost’s MacTavish-specific charm extends beyond Soap, because they all take to him immediately.
But apparently Ghost’s MacTavish-specific charm extends beyond Soap, because they all take to him immediately.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
His sisters are brutal; a right cacophony when he first introduces them, nothing but screeching laughter and Scots so quick and thick even Soap can barely understand it, god help Simon.
But apparently Ghost’s MacTavish-specific charm extends beyond Soap, because they all take to him immediately.
But apparently Ghost’s MacTavish-specific charm extends beyond Soap, because they all take to him immediately.
It’s all going to end in disaster, Soap’s sure of it.
But then…
But then…
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
It’s all going to end in disaster, Soap’s sure of it.
But then…
But then…
What do you even get your boyfriend of 9 DAYS for Christmas? The only thing Soap’s ever bothered with before was tying a bow around the base of his dick for the one guy he’d dated through the holidays, and he doubts his ma would appreciate THAT under the tree come Christmas morning.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
What do you even get your boyfriend of 9 DAYS for Christmas? The only thing Soap’s ever bothered with before was tying a bow around the base of his dick for the one guy he’d dated through the holidays, and he doubts his ma would appreciate THAT under the tree come Christmas morning.
And Ghost is…well, he’s GHOST. Soap’s not sure how he’s supposed to even bring up with him, stoic as he is, all the Christmas traditions he damn well KNOWS his mother and sisters are going to rope any boyfriend of his in on: tree decorating and Christmas market shopping and his nan’s tablet recipe.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
And Ghost is…well, he’s GHOST. Soap’s not sure how he’s supposed to even bring up with him, stoic as he is, all the Christmas traditions he damn well KNOWS his mother and sisters are going to rope any boyfriend of his in on: tree decorating and Christmas market shopping and his nan’s tablet recipe.
How do you survive when you’ve been insisting to your sisters that the guy you’re bringing round for the holidays is “just a friend” and you invited him “so he won’t be alone,” and now you have to break the news that their teasing was RIGHT. 😭 It’s MacTavish clan suicide, he’ll never hear the end.
December 4, 2025 at 11:08 PM
How do you survive when you’ve been insisting to your sisters that the guy you’re bringing round for the holidays is “just a friend” and you invited him “so he won’t be alone,” and now you have to break the news that their teasing was RIGHT. 😭 It’s MacTavish clan suicide, he’ll never hear the end.
I use the “got so horny so fast they got nauseous” line in my writing a lot, and there is a reason for that, and reason is the way I just had to close my eyes and rip my headphones out to keep from literally hurling. “are you…?” HURK, fuck, OW, right in the kink 😩
December 4, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I use the “got so horny so fast they got nauseous” line in my writing a lot, and there is a reason for that, and reason is the way I just had to close my eyes and rip my headphones out to keep from literally hurling. “are you…?” HURK, fuck, OW, right in the kink 😩
instead of getting out to enjoy the warmer weather, my body’s just felt all out of whack and my mood’s been ROTTEN. nothing is frozen, so there’s no river skating trail yet (that’s another thing: the way I take for granted all the winter city activities that we can’t do without a good freeze! 😭).
December 4, 2025 at 5:22 PM
instead of getting out to enjoy the warmer weather, my body’s just felt all out of whack and my mood’s been ROTTEN. nothing is frozen, so there’s no river skating trail yet (that’s another thing: the way I take for granted all the winter city activities that we can’t do without a good freeze! 😭).
it gets pitch dark by like 5 these days, and I never really realized before how much that’s offset by the reflective snow. usually we’ve got full snow cover by November, sometimes October. I would have assumed longer warmth would be a positive, but it’s kind of been the opposite.
December 4, 2025 at 5:22 PM
it gets pitch dark by like 5 these days, and I never really realized before how much that’s offset by the reflective snow. usually we’ve got full snow cover by November, sometimes October. I would have assumed longer warmth would be a positive, but it’s kind of been the opposite.