I think I have a little progress on all my commissions already, so once I start it'll be ok. I feel like I actually have the capacity to do basic shit again so I dont think it'll be impossible to motivate like before, I just dont want paid work to be my warmup. Dont wanna give ppl garbage.

i think i've needed to place my health and well being first for a long time but uh, the authoritarian hard-launch is my wakeup call. So all obligations are second priority until I'm at least feeling sane enough to do basic survival shit. TY for any grace while I'm workin it out. SOON. ill be ok

“Mental illness gets so bad people kill themselves” should really be the first thought in everyone’s head when we talk about this shit. Oh my god

And explaining how a psychotic disorder might limit your capacity to do shit is so hard. Ppl are just not fucking familiar with this shit, and all “normalizing” mental health struggles did was make ppl who feel sad sometimes think their experience describes all mental illness. Release me.

Which is the shittiest part, I thought I just had it together. Not just commissions but working, everything in general but as more and more shit happened outside my control it was like I lost my grip on reality and I only kinda of feel able to recognize the gravity of the chance.

did close to 300 in 2020, abt 200 in 2021? Tons! One after the other, paid all the groceries and 2/3 of the rent all on my own. It’s not that struggling is abnormal, I always had a hard time sticking to it but this is like a whole different thing. I’ve never struggled like this before