Author | Lightnews

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸

@bigassbug.bsky.social

740 followers 350 following 740 posts

ko-fi.com

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Reposted by 🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸

○•°☆ ki11ustr4tions ☆°•○ @ki11ustr4tions.bsky.social · Jul 4

Hai gays

4 190 680

Reposted by 🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸

○•°☆ ki11ustr4tions ☆°•○ @ki11ustr4tions.bsky.social · Jul 26

#art #adopts
adopts i made on toyhouse

7 66 220

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Aug 14

I think I have a little progress on all my commissions already, so once I start it'll be ok. I feel like I actually have the capacity to do basic shit again so I dont think it'll be impossible to motivate like before, I just dont want paid work to be my warmup. Dont wanna give ppl garbage.

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Aug 14

That said, I've been baby stepping interaction with online spaces again, and I've been drawing again, after not really doing it for a few months. So, I'm on the right track, I would have started work on coms again already, but I'm so rusty I think I gotta get back into the swing of things first.

1 8

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Aug 14

i think i've needed to place my health and well being first for a long time but uh, the authoritarian hard-launch is my wakeup call. So all obligations are second priority until I'm at least feeling sane enough to do basic survival shit. TY for any grace while I'm workin it out. SOON. ill be ok

1 6

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Aug 14

Meds don't do much for me, anything I tried has made things worse, and I've refused inpatient or actually having "schizophrenia" plopped on my record (again) cus being trans and having a major chronic condition is already sketchy. Anyway, I'm rawdogging all my issues with limited support.

1 6

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Aug 14

hey just so everyone knows, i got hit with the schizo diagnosis and im trying to navigate that as a dirt broke trans person in an ultra-red state. im mostly staying offline to manage symptoms, paranoia. I'm feeling better lately, but I HAVE to prioritize myself and my health rn. times is...scary

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Let the evil critters breed

5 45

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Doodles

6 33

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Brains area of the goofy hospital

5 22

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

4 24

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

stormchaser story doodles

4 19

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

biggest problem is communication. I cannot fucking talk to anyone right now because my paranoia is unbearable and it takes me like 3 hours to construct a single message to anyone and I gotta do that almost 30 times to communicate much about a delay or an issue I’m having. It’s all very frustrating

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

That’s the other fucking nuts part. I have like 10 kofi drawings and 16 commissions left to do and I have 19 of those 26 started, not just started like 80% done and now I’m just in lock up. That’s truly abnormal

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Some ko-fi drawings. 3 Complete and 1 wip

4 22

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Also, the second you tell someone you’re schizo everything you say after is just irrelevant. Like all disabilities, admitting you have one is scary and embarrassing. Only because the world we’re in demands you internalize the notion of worthlessness as someone who can’t thrive in rigged game

1 13

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Here’s a drawing

3 25

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Anyway, pls know I’m trying so hard but being dirt ass poor and schizo in a fucking red state with no support system while America becomes greater every fucking evil day is HARD. Idk how many of y’all have been literally one meal a day poor for a decade but it’s extremely fucking hard.

2 1 10

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

“Mental illness gets so bad people kill themselves” should really be the first thought in everyone’s head when we talk about this shit. Oh my god

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

And explaining how a psychotic disorder might limit your capacity to do shit is so hard. Ppl are just not fucking familiar with this shit, and all “normalizing” mental health struggles did was make ppl who feel sad sometimes think their experience describes all mental illness. Release me.

1 4

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Which is the shittiest part, I thought I just had it together. Not just commissions but working, everything in general but as more and more shit happened outside my control it was like I lost my grip on reality and I only kinda of feel able to recognize the gravity of the chance.

1 2

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

did close to 300 in 2020, abt 200 in 2021? Tons! One after the other, paid all the groceries and 2/3 of the rent all on my own. It’s not that struggling is abnormal, I always had a hard time sticking to it but this is like a whole different thing. I’ve never struggled like this before

1 1

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

Anyway, if anyone else has had their mental health literally torch their ability to just get work, specifically commission work, done and found a solution pls feel free to share I’m so irate rn. I don’t wanna feel like a failure or lazy or helpless or look like a bitch. I’m so sick of it aaa

3 9

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

I can’t describe the frustration of just wanting to get things done, having a plan, trying and just slipping into what feels like a blackout. I’m not even like doing other shit instead of work I’m just fully psychotic busted ruminating useless for endless hours it’s crazy. Literally. Stressful

🪳BUG🪳🇵🇸 @bigassbug.bsky.social · Jul 5

I’m just really unsure how to move forward. I can’t seem to get help medically, I can’t seem to get much done on my own, but none of it is lack of desire or motivation it’s like I’m a bug smashed flat so I can wish all I want but I’m stuck. Idk anyone else out there ever just been so fucked? lol