Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
@assassin-ace.wtf
like a rat of sunshine 🖤🩶🤍💜
agender asexual; she/her/total himbo
I AM THE ANGELIC DAMNATION FLAME AND SHOP STEWARD
your queer auntie
I love unions and One Piece
I do not repost without alt text
agender asexual; she/her/total himbo
I AM THE ANGELIC DAMNATION FLAME AND SHOP STEWARD
your queer auntie
I love unions and One Piece
I do not repost without alt text
Pinned
hey you remember how Chester cheetah used to shake his head really fast and go aieeaiieeeaieee
if he ever does that again. shoot him
if he ever does that again. shoot him
literally me when I accidentally inhale the last bit of whipped cream
November 11, 2025 at 5:38 AM
literally me when I accidentally inhale the last bit of whipped cream
Y'ALL I AM CRYINGGGG THEY SUBTITLED THE ELEPHANT
![screen from the movie Coming to America showing a beautiful lush lawn with tropical trees and beautiful floral lamps in front of a castle at night and there are two elephants running by in front of the king and his son and the subtitle reads [Nnnrr] to mimic the trumpeting elephant sound](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:3qaysq7syvvhvc6jtqku4mdh/bafkreifq5m3wglsvh6sz3vb2bnh6443ry5znlpclv43g6y6m3hib4t5ej4@jpeg)
November 11, 2025 at 5:15 AM
Y'ALL I AM CRYINGGGG THEY SUBTITLED THE ELEPHANT
two nights ago I watched Back to the Future
last night I watched Back to the Future 2
so what do you think I am watching tonight
fuck you, I'm watching Coming to America
last night I watched Back to the Future 2
so what do you think I am watching tonight
fuck you, I'm watching Coming to America
November 11, 2025 at 5:02 AM
two nights ago I watched Back to the Future
last night I watched Back to the Future 2
so what do you think I am watching tonight
fuck you, I'm watching Coming to America
last night I watched Back to the Future 2
so what do you think I am watching tonight
fuck you, I'm watching Coming to America
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
If you eat cookies after 2:00 am you add six years to your life
November 11, 2025 at 4:30 AM
If you eat cookies after 2:00 am you add six years to your life
broke my choker drinking an olipop. my strength. is boundless
November 11, 2025 at 3:36 AM
broke my choker drinking an olipop. my strength. is boundless
I'm not sex-repulsed but for you? [upnods] I could be
November 11, 2025 at 1:24 AM
I'm not sex-repulsed but for you? [upnods] I could be
I need random men to stop thinking
1. I like them
2. I want their company
3. I would be interested in driving them and their mothers to parties
1. I like them
2. I want their company
3. I would be interested in driving them and their mothers to parties
November 11, 2025 at 1:00 AM
I need random men to stop thinking
1. I like them
2. I want their company
3. I would be interested in driving them and their mothers to parties
1. I like them
2. I want their company
3. I would be interested in driving them and their mothers to parties
everything in my department is breaking down and I'm having the best day
not sarcasm
every time something else goes wrong I cackle harder
Mini Boss is just watching me helplessly
not sarcasm
every time something else goes wrong I cackle harder
Mini Boss is just watching me helplessly
November 10, 2025 at 10:36 PM
everything in my department is breaking down and I'm having the best day
not sarcasm
every time something else goes wrong I cackle harder
Mini Boss is just watching me helplessly
not sarcasm
every time something else goes wrong I cackle harder
Mini Boss is just watching me helplessly
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
there was a study a few years ago that said that eating PB&J can extend your life by 33 minutes the most of any other food on their list
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
November 10, 2025 at 6:38 AM
there was a study a few years ago that said that eating PB&J can extend your life by 33 minutes the most of any other food on their list
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
when you meet someone who is a raging asshole, their asshole might be full of worms
November 10, 2025 at 5:54 PM
when you meet someone who is a raging asshole, their asshole might be full of worms
genuinely impressed by the cis straight dude who casually mentioned to me a deep, unabashed love of K-pop
it wasn't a confession
it wasn't a secret
no toxic posturing, no big man "I don't care for this normally but"
I just put on Twinkle Star and he danced in sync with me
let's... let's be idols
it wasn't a confession
it wasn't a secret
no toxic posturing, no big man "I don't care for this normally but"
I just put on Twinkle Star and he danced in sync with me
let's... let's be idols
November 10, 2025 at 3:16 PM
genuinely impressed by the cis straight dude who casually mentioned to me a deep, unabashed love of K-pop
it wasn't a confession
it wasn't a secret
no toxic posturing, no big man "I don't care for this normally but"
I just put on Twinkle Star and he danced in sync with me
let's... let's be idols
it wasn't a confession
it wasn't a secret
no toxic posturing, no big man "I don't care for this normally but"
I just put on Twinkle Star and he danced in sync with me
let's... let's be idols
there was a study a few years ago that said that eating PB&J can extend your life by 33 minutes the most of any other food on their list
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
November 10, 2025 at 6:38 AM
there was a study a few years ago that said that eating PB&J can extend your life by 33 minutes the most of any other food on their list
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
and then I've got all these articles going "yes but ESPECIALLY with whole grain bread and ESPECIALLY with sugar free jelly" NO NO QUALIFIERS THE STUDY SAYS PB&J
there is nothing funnier to me than the way we saw the future from the past
everything we could possibly imagine is always wrong
Back to the Future, Futurama, New York World's Fair Futurama diorama
everything we could possibly imagine is always wrong
Back to the Future, Futurama, New York World's Fair Futurama diorama
November 10, 2025 at 6:02 AM
there is nothing funnier to me than the way we saw the future from the past
everything we could possibly imagine is always wrong
Back to the Future, Futurama, New York World's Fair Futurama diorama
everything we could possibly imagine is always wrong
Back to the Future, Futurama, New York World's Fair Futurama diorama
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
Joey breezes by me as I'm working the potatoes and just says "evil Joey."
May 13, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Joey breezes by me as I'm working the potatoes and just says "evil Joey."
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
me talking with cashier Joey about [INCIDENT REDACTED]: "I don't need that in my life. even as a himbo, I'm smarter than any cis straight dude."
Joey: "oh yeah? even that wheelchair scientist?"
me: "Steve McQueen? he's dead, Joe."
anyway your local queers are doing just fine thanks
Joey: "oh yeah? even that wheelchair scientist?"
me: "Steve McQueen? he's dead, Joe."
anyway your local queers are doing just fine thanks
May 29, 2024 at 11:26 PM
me talking with cashier Joey about [INCIDENT REDACTED]: "I don't need that in my life. even as a himbo, I'm smarter than any cis straight dude."
Joey: "oh yeah? even that wheelchair scientist?"
me: "Steve McQueen? he's dead, Joe."
anyway your local queers are doing just fine thanks
Joey: "oh yeah? even that wheelchair scientist?"
me: "Steve McQueen? he's dead, Joe."
anyway your local queers are doing just fine thanks
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
cashier Joey tried my cascade ice cherry limeade and started coughing violently for 45 seconds
he looks at me, eyes watering, giggles, and says cheerfully "it tickles my throat a little!"
he looks at me, eyes watering, giggles, and says cheerfully "it tickles my throat a little!"
December 8, 2023 at 10:22 PM
cashier Joey tried my cascade ice cherry limeade and started coughing violently for 45 seconds
he looks at me, eyes watering, giggles, and says cheerfully "it tickles my throat a little!"
he looks at me, eyes watering, giggles, and says cheerfully "it tickles my throat a little!"
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
I bought cashier Joey an aloe drink & he let me try it & I said "it's got chunks in it. drinks shouldn't be chunky"
he says "what about boba?"
I'm like "that's different I love boba"
he says "I love balls in my mouth" & I roll my eyes & walk away & he yells after me "I'M SORRY FOR TWINKING OUT LOUD"
he says "what about boba?"
I'm like "that's different I love boba"
he says "I love balls in my mouth" & I roll my eyes & walk away & he yells after me "I'M SORRY FOR TWINKING OUT LOUD"
February 28, 2024 at 2:47 AM
I bought cashier Joey an aloe drink & he let me try it & I said "it's got chunks in it. drinks shouldn't be chunky"
he says "what about boba?"
I'm like "that's different I love boba"
he says "I love balls in my mouth" & I roll my eyes & walk away & he yells after me "I'M SORRY FOR TWINKING OUT LOUD"
he says "what about boba?"
I'm like "that's different I love boba"
he says "I love balls in my mouth" & I roll my eyes & walk away & he yells after me "I'M SORRY FOR TWINKING OUT LOUD"
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
Cashier Joey mad I'm whispering to the kombucha "I hate you" "you're stupid"
me: you ever see that experiment with talking to rice in jars
Joey: oh yeah. omg you're making evil kombucha! kombucha is expensive
me, quoting Freckle: sometimes things that are expensive are worse
Joey: I want evil soup
me: you ever see that experiment with talking to rice in jars
Joey: oh yeah. omg you're making evil kombucha! kombucha is expensive
me, quoting Freckle: sometimes things that are expensive are worse
Joey: I want evil soup
September 17, 2024 at 3:23 PM
Cashier Joey mad I'm whispering to the kombucha "I hate you" "you're stupid"
me: you ever see that experiment with talking to rice in jars
Joey: oh yeah. omg you're making evil kombucha! kombucha is expensive
me, quoting Freckle: sometimes things that are expensive are worse
Joey: I want evil soup
me: you ever see that experiment with talking to rice in jars
Joey: oh yeah. omg you're making evil kombucha! kombucha is expensive
me, quoting Freckle: sometimes things that are expensive are worse
Joey: I want evil soup
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
a conversation with cashier Ben wound up with me yelling into my phone "WHAT'S A TURTLE" and I got this back: "Turtles are reptiles of the order Testudines,"
me: 😁
Ben: 😁
Joey: "hey guys"
me: "hey Joey your testudines are showing"
Joey, crossing his legs: "oh my god a lady never shows"
me: 😁
Ben: 😁
Joey: "hey guys"
me: "hey Joey your testudines are showing"
Joey, crossing his legs: "oh my god a lady never shows"
June 19, 2024 at 2:00 AM
a conversation with cashier Ben wound up with me yelling into my phone "WHAT'S A TURTLE" and I got this back: "Turtles are reptiles of the order Testudines,"
me: 😁
Ben: 😁
Joey: "hey guys"
me: "hey Joey your testudines are showing"
Joey, crossing his legs: "oh my god a lady never shows"
me: 😁
Ben: 😁
Joey: "hey guys"
me: "hey Joey your testudines are showing"
Joey, crossing his legs: "oh my god a lady never shows"
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
Cashier Joey is taking us back to 2011
September 17, 2024 at 1:32 AM
Cashier Joey is taking us back to 2011
best of Joey day
November 10, 2025 at 4:24 AM
best of Joey day
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
😂 two young girls just sprinted out of the store, clearly stealing something and Joey turns and yells "STOP STOP! COME BACK! MY WAGES!" and I lost it
April 18, 2025 at 11:10 PM
😂 two young girls just sprinted out of the store, clearly stealing something and Joey turns and yells "STOP STOP! COME BACK! MY WAGES!" and I lost it
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
Joey: I was gonna be a Playboy bunny for Halloween last year
Baby Ace: what were you instead
Joey: covid
Baby Ace: what were you instead
Joey: covid
September 3, 2024 at 10:38 PM
Joey: I was gonna be a Playboy bunny for Halloween last year
Baby Ace: what were you instead
Joey: covid
Baby Ace: what were you instead
Joey: covid
Reposted by Adorable Assassin Ace 🏴☠️
Joey CANNOT help himself I'm dyingggg
he assumed I had seen my hairdresser fairly recently because my hair was all touched up and I said no I do this myself and he looked impressed and he says "oh my god you dyed it yourself? what do you use? Rit?" OH FUCK OFF 😂😂😂😂
he assumed I had seen my hairdresser fairly recently because my hair was all touched up and I said no I do this myself and he looked impressed and he says "oh my god you dyed it yourself? what do you use? Rit?" OH FUCK OFF 😂😂😂😂
May 18, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Joey CANNOT help himself I'm dyingggg
he assumed I had seen my hairdresser fairly recently because my hair was all touched up and I said no I do this myself and he looked impressed and he says "oh my god you dyed it yourself? what do you use? Rit?" OH FUCK OFF 😂😂😂😂
he assumed I had seen my hairdresser fairly recently because my hair was all touched up and I said no I do this myself and he looked impressed and he says "oh my god you dyed it yourself? what do you use? Rit?" OH FUCK OFF 😂😂😂😂