Author | Lightnews

Bill Melots

Bill Melots

@wanksy.bsky.social

740 followers 340 following 2.1K posts

None of these views are that of my employer or myself. These are the views of the goblin that lives in the bathroom at the skatepark. He is so wise and funny. I love him.

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Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · Oct 30

Why do you want me to piss in a cup for work? I already pissed in all the other cups at work.

Reposted by Bill Melots

gluggaveður 🕊️ @lscrapl.bsky.social · Nov 15

sup of the day,

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

I love a good French onion sup

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

We’re 100% gonna go there and get a guinea pig, who I think we should name Hank. Hank loves Dragonslayer.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

I’m 100% down with this as long as we play dragonslayer and 720 afterward.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

Yeah I could go for a hot dog on a stick

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

Not sure I like where earth is headed - you guys wanna go somewhere ?

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

I really miss Anthony Bourdain. He was precisely the right amount of asshole. Just a pinch.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 2d

@nasaspaceflight.com I’ve got a job for you.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 3d

Your doppleganger : we’ll see about that

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 3d

Hot damn - free artisanal tequila samples tonight. Double whammy.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 3d

In case you thought there was no hope, I beg to differ.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 4d

I didn’t even say “Joe Rogan”

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 4d

Sometimes you just wanna eat a giant hoagie (all the time).

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 6d

I live by the coast in California. We treat our poo in treatment plants and then shoot it into the ocean, where people swim.
In my official bid for governor, my main running point is that we shoot the poo into space. Not just California poo. All the poo. All poo goes to space. National Space Poo.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 9d

Got fired today from a failing company for being one of the only people who is succeeding, so capitalism is definitely working.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 9d

Start the next Oceans Eleven

Reposted by Bill Melots

Leggy Pain 🇨🇦🇵🇸🇺🇦 @leggypain.bsky.social · 10d

A business casual Furry, a man carrying a hemorrhoid donut and a woman carrying an empty dog crate just boarded this city bus. If anyone speaks to me I'm gonna pretend to be mute because this MUST be a hidden camera show

Reposted by Bill Melots

Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 9d

There once was a limerick at sonnetcon? Wow even poetry news is anarchy

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 10d

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 10d

After we’re done scaring the children this month, let’s put some marshmallows on some yams, pour some gravy on some green beans, and then shove some stuff in a turkey’s asshole. Then a fat dude will shoot down the chimney and judge the children. We will leave him milk and cookies.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 10d

We are calling Atlanta this now. Someone tell them.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 10d

New York may be the big apple, but I wanna live in the big peach.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 11d

I’m sorry sir, this bar has a 2 antifa minimum.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 11d

Probably not. He doesn’t even have pajamas.

Bill Melots @wanksy.bsky.social · 11d

Do you think that guy from Lit ever figured out why his car was in the front yard ?