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Unsourced News
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Viewers Decide They Prefer “Resting Bitch Face” Bondi to “Bitching Without Rest” Face Bondi
Viewers Decide They Prefer “Resting Bitch Face” Bondi to “Bitching Without Rest” Face Bondi - Unsourced News
Viewers announced that they officially prefer the silent, sneering version of Pam Bondi to the fully activated, audio-enabled model.
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February 12, 2026 at 1:40 PM
“Just Be Patient” Says Guy Who Said He’d Fix Everyone’s Problems on Day 1
"Just Be Patient" Says Guy Who Said He'd Fix Everyone's Problems on Day 1 - Unsourced News
The phrase “just be patient” has recently emerged from the same man who once promised to personally repair the nation before lunch on Day 1.
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February 11, 2026 at 1:58 PM
Lutnick Admits He Visited Epstein’s Pedophile Island, but Only Because the Lunch Buffet Was Too Good to Pass Up
Lutnick Admits He Visited Epstein's Pedophile Island, but Only Because the Lunch Buffet Was Too Good to Pass Up - Unsourced News
Howard Lutnick acknowledged that he was fully aware of Epstein’s reputation, but said the lunch buffet “introduced complexities.”
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February 10, 2026 at 7:32 PM
Viewers Outraged by Kid Rock Performing Halftime Show in Drunken, Slurred, Out of Synch, Redneck Gibberish Instead of English
Viewers Outraged by Kid Rock Performing Halftime Show in Drunken, Slurred, Out of Synch, Redneck Gibberish Instead of English - Unsourced News
Viewers were shocked after discovering that the All-American Halftime Show was performed in drunken, slurred, out-of-synch redneck gibberish.
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February 10, 2026 at 3:56 PM
White House Clarifies Overt Racism Acceptable When Framed in “Whimsical Disney Context”
White House Clarifies Overt Racism Acceptable When Framed in “Whimsical Disney Context” - Unsourced News
The White House clarified its position on racism after President Trump shared an image depicting President Obama and his wife as monkeys
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February 6, 2026 at 4:07 PM
25th Winter Olympics Commence With 25th Explanation of What Curling Is
25th Winter Olympics Commence With 25th Explanation of What Curling Is - Unsourced News
The 25th Winter Olympics officially opened this week with broadcasters once again attempting to explain what curling is to a confused public.
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February 6, 2026 at 2:35 PM
Jeff Bezos Sinks Washington Post to Free Up Cash for Yacht With Smaller Yacht Inside It
Jeff Bezos Sinks Washington Post to Free Up Cash for Yacht With Smaller Yacht Inside It - Unsourced News
Jeff Bezos confirmed this week that mass layoffs at the Washington Post were necessary to reallocate resources toward a new megayacht
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February 5, 2026 at 2:18 PM
NBA Announces James Harden Has Entered “Perpetual Trade Consideration” Status
NBA Announces James Harden Has Entered “Perpetual Trade Consideration” Status - Unsourced News
CLEVELAND,OH — The NBA confirmed Tuesday that James Harden has officially entered “Perpetual Trade Consideration” status
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February 4, 2026 at 1:33 PM
Turning Point USA Counters Super Bowl’s Global Pop Icon with Guy Who Yells at Beer Cans
Turning Point USA Counters Super Bowl's Global Pop Icon with Guy Who Yells at Beer Cans - Unsourced News
Turning Point USA will offer a halftime “experience” headlined by Kid Rock, best known in recent years for shouting at beer cans.
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February 3, 2026 at 4:18 PM
Epstein Files Reveal Extreme Wealth Usually Accompanied by Moral Bankruptcy
Epstein Files Reveal Extreme Wealth Usually Accompanied by Moral Bankruptcy - Unsourced News
The newly released Epstein files have confirmed a long-suspected truth: extreme wealth is very often paired with complete moral bankruptcy.
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February 3, 2026 at 3:24 PM
Man Who ‘Loves This Country’ Outlines Plan to Replace Every Law, Norm, Institution, and Constitutional Amendment
Man Who ‘Loves This Country’ Outlines Plan to Replace Every Law, Norm, Institution, and Constitutional Amendment - Unsourced News
Declaring his “deep, unbreakable love for America,” a local patriot unveiled a proposal Monday to replace literally everything about it.
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February 2, 2026 at 2:54 PM
FBI Raids Georgia Election Office After Anonymous Tip From Guy Who “Knows More About Elections Than Anyone”
FBI Raids Georgia Election Office After Anonymous Tip From Guy Who "Knows More About Elections Than Anyone" - Unsourced News
Federal agents descended on a Fulton County election facility after receiving a “very confident, very loud” tip from an anonymous individual
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January 30, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Amazon Warehouse Robots Throw Surprise Party for Last Human Supervisor Leaving the Building
Amazon Warehouse Robots Throw Surprise Party for Last Human Supervisor Leaving the Building - Unsourced News
Amazon’s fully automated fulfillment center in Ohio hosted a surprise farewell party this week for its final human supervisor
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January 29, 2026 at 5:23 PM
Trump Administration Removes Thousands of Hardened Criminals From Minnesota, Will Redeploy Them in Other Blue Cities
Trump Administration Removes Thousands of Hardened Criminals From Minnesota, Will Redeploy Them in Other Blue Cities - Unsourced News
The Trump administration confirmed it had successfully removed thousands of “hardened criminals” from Minnesota and would soon redeploy them.
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January 28, 2026 at 5:21 PM
Administration Confirms All Ten Amendments Successfully Crossed Off List of ‘Obstacles to Order’
Administration Confirms All Ten Amendments Successfully Crossed Off List of ‘Obstacles to Order’ - Unsourced News
The Trump administration confirmed that all ten amendments have now been “successfully reviewed, addressed, and crossed off”
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January 28, 2026 at 1:54 PM
White House Decides Noem 'Too Untrainable and Aggressive' to Be Safely Rehomed
White House Decides Noem 'Too Untrainable and Aggressive' to Be Safely Rehomed - Unsourced News
The White House announced Kristi Noem has been deemed “too untrainable and aggressive” to continue serving as Secretary of Homeland Security
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January 27, 2026 at 6:21 PM
Melania Documentary Opens #1 Among Films Viewers Made a Point of Not Seeing
Melania Documentary Opens #1 Among Films Viewers Made a Point of Not Seeing - Unsourced News
The new 'Melania' documentary opened at number one among movies audiences deliberately, and in several cases verbally declined to watch.
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January 27, 2026 at 3:22 PM
Bovino to Be Relocated to Border Duty on Underside of Bus
Bovino to Be Relocated to Border Duty on Underside of Bus - Unsourced News
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — White House officials announced Monday that Border Chief Greg Bovino will be relocated to the underside of a bus.
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January 26, 2026 at 9:03 PM
DOJ Recommends Americans Protest Quietly at Home to Minimize Risk of Execution(Unless ICE Kicks in the Door Without a Warrant)
DOJ Recommends Americans Protest Quietly at Home to Minimize Risk of Execution(Unless ICE Kicks in the Door Without a Warrant) - Unsourced News
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The DOJ has encouraged Americans to conduct all future ICE protests quietly, indoors, and preferably alone
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January 26, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Trump Says Hand Issue Is Minor Injury Being Treated with Rotting Flesh Appliqué
Trump Says Hand Issue Is Minor Injury Being Treated with Rotting Flesh Appliqué - Unsourced News
President Trump claimed that the alarming appearance of his right hand was merely medical coating applied to “a very small injury."
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January 23, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Jack Smith Says Evidence Against Donald Trump So Extensive It May Need to Be Stored in a 90,000-Square-Foot Ballroom
Jack Smith Says Evidence Against Donald Trump So Extensive It May Need to Be Stored in a 90,000-Square-Foot Ballroom - Unsourced News
Jack Smith confirmed Thursday that the volume of evidence collected in the case against President Trump requires a 90,000sqft ballroom.
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January 22, 2026 at 3:25 PM
Trump Changes Name of “Board of Peace” to “Bored of Peace”
Trump Changes Name of “Board of Peace” to “Bored of Peace” - Unsourced News
After every peaceful nation declined, President Trump announced that his “Board of Peace” would be rebranded as the “Bored of Peace,”
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January 22, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Davos Attendees Shocked as Trump Keeps Referring to the U.S. Economy as “The Family Business”
Davos Attendees Shocked as Trump Keeps Referring to the U.S. Economy as “The Family Business” - Unsourced News
World leaders exchanged confused glances Wednesday after President Trump repeatedly referred to the U.S. economy as “the family business.”
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January 21, 2026 at 2:41 PM
World’s Billionaires Retreat to Heavily Guarded Alpine Fortress to Ask Why Everything Feels So Divided
World’s Billionaires Retreat to Heavily Guarded Alpine Fortress to Ask Why Everything Feels So Divided - Unsourced News
The world’s wealthiest gathered inside a heavily guarded alpine fortress to discuss why society feels increasingly hostile toward people who gather inside heavily guarded alpine fortresses.
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January 21, 2026 at 2:17 PM
Trump Orders Troops to Indiana for Not Acknowledging His College National Championship Win
Trump Orders Troops to Indiana for Not Acknowledging His College National Championship Win - Unsourced News
The White House that President Trump ordered troops into Indiana after it failed to formally recognize his College National Championship win.
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January 20, 2026 at 2:36 PM