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The best Dave you know

@thefaceofdave.bsky.social

2K followers 1.9K following 2.8K posts

Australia’s Favourite Dave. I've never been though. avi by nature Link to my brain stuffs: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaao77jomek3o Link to my Steam Wishlist if ya nasty: https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/TheFaceOfDave

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · Dec 21

I used to do a podcast that has officially died. I have a good mic and headset and I'm fun to talk to. If you have a podcast idea and you don't suck, DM me. But you have to say, "podcast," in the DM so I know that you are not a bot.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 3h

Me: We're so in sync that we finish each other's --
Wife [interrupts]: Alcohol

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 6h

Ronald McDonald used to be the Burger King's jester but he got fired for telling a racist joke.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 8h

Andy Samberg - main character
Joe Lo Truglio - best friend
Kristen Bell - love interest
Jim Carrey - bank boss
Kumail Nanjiani - mob boss
Trent Reznor - scoring the movie

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 8h

And he would sing a Bad Bunny song instead of "Cuban Pete."

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 8h

I want a reboot of The Mask but I want it to take place in 2020.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 8h

If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll probably ask for milk.
If you give a penguin a banana he'll probably not know what to do with it.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 8h

Every doctor or surgeon you've ever seen had to have a first patient and the patient was likely unaware that they were the first.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 9h

Nice guys only finish last when they're fucking your mom.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 9h

If you eat all the apples in the world, you'll never see a doctor again because you'll die.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 9h

Me: I think my arm is broken.
Doctor: Should've paid your bill sooner.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 11h

I mean you COULD say it but you shouldn't.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 11h

I work for a team that's had a talent show for the last 5 years that I do stand up for. I used to do stand up at bars for like 5 people and 3 of them didn't want to be there and now I have done 5 shows in front of 100 people and I got paid for it. You could say my comedy career is taking off.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 2d

Facebook should get rid of the, "people you may know," area and replace it with a, "friends from high school who are fashy now and you should block them," section.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 4d

Like, I don't pay to get rid of Youtube ads. I am not going to pay for your onlyfans.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 4d

Oh man, Twixter must be SHITTING itself right now! They don't have all the pornbots anymore if my new followers are to be believed. We took your real AND fake people.

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 5d

I don't know if it's the wine talking or the schizophrenia.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 5d

I'm drinking a glass of red wine that I opened and didn't let breathe for thirty minutes because I'm a naughty bitch

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

I'm so glad I'm not alone.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

Do you feel guilty when you text your friends because you're sure you're bothering them to the point that they'll hate you because their phone made a noise, or are you normal?

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

It Follows reboot where it's the rhythm that's trying to get you after you FUCK

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

As a terrible dancer, the rhythm will never get me.

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

All of my crasahouts are internal. That is healthy, right?

The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

America: You really dodged a bullet!
Canada: You really dodged a hockey puck, eh!
UK: They proper fucked up, innit?
France: Life is existential dread. *smokes a cigarette and eats a baguette*

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 7d

Interviewer: Do you have any questions?
Me: Do dogs love us as much as we love them?

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The best Dave you know @thefaceofdave.bsky.social · 9d

KPop Demon Hunters is Blade for gen alpha. I will not be explaining further.