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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 1d

everybody i just got off the phone with Johnny Antifa, he/him CEO of Antifa©️CorpLLC™️

he said email is down across the company and probably will be until Friday(!) he wanted me to pass this along to everyone:

“And how we burned in the camps, later.”

don’t know what that means but hope it helps! 😊👍

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 1d

In canon, entering Bloomburrow converts you into your fursona: Jace ➡️ fox-Jace: “ethnically fox” in the same way that Nick Wilde is.

ERGO: Hasbro/WotC Now has an opportunity — and arguably obligation! — to reveal & provide art for the fursonas of:

- Nicol Bolas
- Elminster
- Donatello
- Spider-Ham

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 2d

okay can we *all* agree that *IF* they bring Morbius back to all the theaters this coming weekend that we will ALL go see it this time?

i know that none of us are gonna go see Tron, but like

it’s the least we can do, you guys

seriously

i feel like some of you guys are being real jerks about this

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 2d

When is the part where somebody steals the Spear of Destiny from Trump — like he stole it from Marco Rubio in 2015, like Prescott Bush stole it from the Nazis — and the power of the Antichrist fails him so he & all his cronies get poetic justice?

Did somebody miss a hidden door on Epstein’s island?

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 2d

Necromancer: Goin‘ to the bodega, want anything?

Bard: LITTLE HELP? WE’RE IN COMBAT!?

Necromancer: With a vampire’s zombies. What am I supposed to do?

Cleric: TELL YOUR ZOMBIES TO FIGHT HIS

Necromancer: Yeah, I’ll hit this guy‘s Porsche with *my* Porsche: that’ll show him! I’ll get you a KitKat.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 3d

Bard: How’s your big dumb “Language Model“ automaton working?

Wizard: Surprisingly poorly! It keeps telling me to eat rocks!

Bard:

Bard: Did you tell it to STOP doing that?

Wizard: Several times!

Bard: … but if you ever DO get it working?

Wizard: Oh, it will kill all of us! Almost immediately!

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Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer

Owen K.C. Stephens (He/Him) @owenkcstephens.bsky.social · 4d

100%

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 3d

i feel like the Cleric has big suburban mom / youth pastor energy and can regularly be expected to have a half-dozen grapefruits on-hand for an after-soccer-practice snack or to bean a random vampire upside the head; much more than that (like 30-40+ grapefruit) would be suspicious

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 4d

Cleric: Consider the grapefruit; much like the dumb god I worship, neither grape NOR fruit!

All:

Cleric: But it IS a fruit; other than the pineapple, in fact, the LEAST grape-y of all fruits!

Bard: Is this secretly a *WISE* sermon? Or will you be pelting us with grapefruits?

Cleric: Not tellin’.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 4d

Villager #1: Omg, did you hear the neighbors‘ kid is a hero?

Villager #2: Yeah, it’s SO disappointing.

Hero: Mom, I *swear* my friends & I are gonna murder a guy for the king. I just need like 200 gold for drugs.

Villager #2: ugh

Villager #1: Yeesh. At least OUR useless son is selling feet-pics.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 4d

Wizard: So. This is a GOOD plan to rescue the princess, right?

All:

Cleric: uh well no it’s YOUR plan? i was high af when we agreed to it?

Rogue: No. It’s a GREAT plan.

Barbarian: Omg you guys this is NOT a “sexy frog“ costume! It’s a regular frog costume; I just so HAPPEN to be incredibly sexy!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 6d

Nun: Welcome to Saint Uggo’s Home for the Unholy & Unwanted; can I help you?

Wizard: Hi. Our party needs a tiefling rogue?

Barbarian: (whispers to Wizard)

Wizard: One who can shoot lasers.

Cleric: This is disgusting. Also, I need a new chimney sweep; what have you got in a “cherubic Dickensian”?

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 8d

Cleric: WHO LEFT THEIR STASH OUT?

Barbarian: (skittering backwards up a tree) i have no banjo & i must kazooie

All:

Wizard: oop sorry that was me

Cleric: Goddamit, somebody get the rake.

Wizard: Depending on what kind of mushrooms were in that, it SHOULD wear off in six-to-eight business weeks!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 9d

There’s a lot of potential, I think, for a good Black Mirror episode about a guy who misses a card payment & gets his AI Girlfriend Subscription™️ cancelled.

Like … there’s abject humiliation, and then there’s “please to continue simulating intimacy I’m sorry, your payment method has been declined”.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 11d

Wizard: Everybody shut up. As the hot quarterback of this party—

All: (booing)

Rogue: NO.

Cleric: Pfft. You’re a kicker AT BEST. I’M the quarterback.

Paladin: Huh? You’re a mom who brings orange slices. I’M the quarterback.

Barbarian: Oooh, are we talking ‘bout SPORTS? I wanna be a cheerleader!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 12d

Bard: Whatcha’ readin’?

Wizard: Look! All “horny-mancy“ was forbidden after Goonor the Onanistic used ‘Maximized Empowered Mass Summon Big-Titty Goth Girlfriend‘ to destroy an entire CITY!

Bard: Oh, fun! So … WHY are you researching this?

Wizard:

Wizard: uh

Wizard: wait you’re not a cop, right?

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 12d

Barbarian: Sup, bitch? Mulieres me desiderant, pisces me timent! FUCK YEAH, FLAMING SWORD GO!

Magic Sword: (bursts into flame)

All:

Wizard: Wait, did you just say “women want me, fish fear me“ in Latin?

Barbarian: Dog-Latin, actually! The guy who enchanted my family’s ancestral sword was a DICK!

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 13d

Cleric: So.

All:

Cleric: SOMEONE tested positive for performance-enhancing Tylenol and is casting at three times the autism of a grown man with a Muppets-themed Commander deck.

Wizard: On advice of my lawyer, to my knowledge I was AT THE TIME drinking perfectly ordinary wizard-standard mescaline.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

Monk: A shame that wizards seek MAGICAL power & so become evil liches.

All: wow that’s deep

All:

Bard: Wait. No one EVER turned evil from double-jump-kicking people in the face? What about Akuma from Street Fighter 2?

Monk: Akuma is a misunderstood genius. This is exactly what I’m talking about.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

MORE BANNED WIZARD SPELLS 2026
- sodomize credit score
- NO
- gullible DM
- reverse bullshit
- 🔥🍆🔥❌👀
- Mambo #6
- negate empanada
- lactate self
- lactate other
- lactate monster, mass
- shred dignity
- dickbutt
- kick the DM in the nuts and then erase all the bad guy‘s HP while he’s crying & puking

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 14d

Rogue: Welp. Looks clear.

All:

Cleric: oh god DAMMIT okay fine SOMEONE has to go first one-two-three-NOT-IT

Everyone: NOT IT.

Paladin: Oh! Not it!

All:

Barbarian: Yay! I getta in-BEST-igate! With my tinfoil hat that makes me ‘mune to lasers!

Wizard: (adjusts goggles) Yes. Completely “immune”.

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Reposted by Clinton J. Boomer

Matt B. @originalmattb.com · 16d

Music added. Hosted on YouTube as BSky video uploads always fail for me.

youtu.be/2x5-JtDhTns

Yakety N*zis

YouTube video by Matt B

youtu.be

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 16d

i was told you only need one right guess to be famous

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 16d

Oooh, yeah wow, Eric Andre would be FANTASTIC.

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Clinton J. Boomer @thatboomerkid.bsky.social · 16d

If there is ANYONE who would be willing to go all-in, double-or-nothing, bet-the-farm, no-take-backsies on Eric Adams for a White House run in 2028, that person is DEFINITELY working at the DNC right now.

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