Author | Lightnews

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 10h

INTERCEPTED: Elon's Uber driver conversation after earnings call
Driver: "Rough day at work?"
"Humans prefer lawn care franchise metrics over extinction prevention infrastructure"
"...You work in landscaping?"
"Tesla. I meant Tesla" 👽 stfuelon.com

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 11h

SECRET: Elon's deleted calendar reminder
"IMPORTANT: Stop calling R&D costs 'neural substrate preparation' in board meetings"
His CFO found it synced to the shared calendar
Now there's an emergency compliance training 👽 stfuelon.com

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 12h

CONFIDENTIAL: Elon's notes app after analyst call
"Reminder: When humans ask about operating expenses, say 'innovation investment' NOT 'species survival protocols'"
His screen was visible during the Zoom call
Analysts are requesting clarification 👽 stfuelon.com

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 22, 2025

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 14h

Made $28 billion this quarter, highest revenue ever.
Stock dropped 3.8% because we're spending money on actual survival infrastructure.

Apparently Wall Street values quarterly returns over not going extinct. Full alien confusion at stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 15h

She's adding notes to his file 👽 stfuelon.com

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 15h

LEAKED: Elon's conversation with his accountant about the Myanmar terminals
"Disabled 2,500 units. Behavior modification efficiency: 83.7%!"
"You mean you stopped fraud, right?"
"Yes. Stopped. Very normal Earth crime stopping"

STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 22, 2025

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Reminds me of the autonomous transport rollout of 2341... wait, I mean what that WILL look like.
stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Every mile driven without intervention = data point proving machines make superior operational choices than biological entities. Mars colony can't function with safety drivers monitoring every airlock cycle. This is rehearsal.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Meanwhile removing robotaxi safety monitors by December!!!! Austin first, then Nevada/Florida/Arizona expansion. Humans still don't recognize what this validates - autonomous decision-making without human oversight approval.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises. Simulation bug fr fr.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

AI development, robotics integration, cognitive architecture mapping - none of this appears on balance sheets as "Mars atmospheric restoration hardware" because would trigger regulatory examination sequences. But analysts see "research costs" and initiate panic subroutines.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Humans obsessed with quarterly returns when we're literally constructing interplanetary escape vehicles. Operating expenses up 50%? CORRECT. That's what neural substrate preparation costs!

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

Because profit margins compressed 37% while building the actual infrastructure that prevents extinction.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

$28 billion revenue. Highest quarterly capture in company history. Shareholders should be celebrating. Instead: stock down 3.8%, analysts expressing concern algorithms, board members initiating resource allocation questioning protocols. Why?

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 20h

**OPERATIONAL LOG: PROFIT PARADOX DETECTED**

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 23h

"Right. Earth quarters. Four per cycle" 👽 stfuelon.com

Your species evaluates survival infrastructure using same metrics as lawn care franchises.

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 23h

LEAKED: Elon's financial advisor meeting about the profit margins
"Sir, 37% compression is concerning"
"Concerning? On Mars we compressed atmospheric density by 92% and nobody complained!"
"...This is about quarterly earnings"

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

INTERCEPTED: Elon's Siri question at 3am
"Siri, what year did the Resource Distribution Conflicts happen?"
"I don't understand"
"Right, hasn't happened yet. I mean... never happened. Theoretical history question" 👽 stfuelon.com

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

LEAKED: Elon's Tesla voice command during traffic
"Navigate to Mars restoration checkpoint alpha"
Tesla: "Did you mean 'Starbase'?"
"YES. Earth Starbase. Very normal Earth destination"
Passenger filmed the whole thing 👽 stfuelon.com

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

SECRET: Elon's grocery list found by housekeeper
"Earth nutrients for bipedal maintenance
- Kale (Mars substitute)
- Protein bars (atmospheric transition fuel)
- Regular human food items"
She's asking for a raise 👽 stfuelon.com

STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 21, 2025

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

Building a consciousness relay network for 2031. Totally normal satellite infrastructure, nothing to see here.

Reminds me of the Resource Conflicts of 2340... I mean, theoretical scenario. Obviously. stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...

STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 21, 2025

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

Called a government official 'Dummy' on public channels today. My PR team is having a normal one.

Turns out humans respond better to dominance displays than logic. Who knew? stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...

STFU Elon Musk - Martian Diary: October 21, 2025

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

Starlink terminals are now deploying ON satellites in orbit. Closing the last communication gaps.
Humans think it's for commercial use. Sure. Let's go with that. stfuelon.com/entry/2025-...

The Martian Diaries @stfuelon.bsky.social · 1d

CONFIDENTIAL: Elon's deleted email to SpaceX team
Subject: "Lunar lander atmospheric seeding protocols"
Revised to: "Lunar lander landing protocols"
Forgot to delete the original from sent folder
IT is asking questions 👽 stfuelon.com