Stoned cold fox
@roastmalone.bsky.social
no milk will ever be our milk
roastmalone_ on twitter
roastmalone_ on twitter
you always have to add a little low hanging fruit to your to do list because a win is a win
December 5, 2025 at 3:53 AM
you always have to add a little low hanging fruit to your to do list because a win is a win
every year, millions of gift wrappers will suffer from tape blindness a serious condition that renders an individual completely incapable of seeing the tape that they LITERALLY just had
December 5, 2025 at 3:16 AM
every year, millions of gift wrappers will suffer from tape blindness a serious condition that renders an individual completely incapable of seeing the tape that they LITERALLY just had
the highs of my phone buzzing; the lows of seeing it’s another store texting me about Black Friday
November 28, 2025 at 1:32 AM
the highs of my phone buzzing; the lows of seeing it’s another store texting me about Black Friday
you know who else sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake
November 24, 2025 at 1:16 AM
you know who else sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake
if Santa knows when I’m awake why exactly does he need to see me when I’m sleeping
November 24, 2025 at 1:04 AM
if Santa knows when I’m awake why exactly does he need to see me when I’m sleeping
maybe 6 was afraid of 7 because he knew one day their combined powers would be used for evil
November 21, 2025 at 11:30 PM
maybe 6 was afraid of 7 because he knew one day their combined powers would be used for evil
I thought being the kind of person who can’t relax until my house is clean would mean my place was always really tidy but all it actually means is I’m extra stressed in my slightly cluttered home
November 20, 2025 at 1:50 AM
I thought being the kind of person who can’t relax until my house is clean would mean my place was always really tidy but all it actually means is I’m extra stressed in my slightly cluttered home
I forgot that reply guys here are somehow so much worse than twitter
November 18, 2025 at 12:20 AM
I forgot that reply guys here are somehow so much worse than twitter
breaking up with my true love on the 13th day of Christmas because their place has a really weird bird smell
November 15, 2025 at 9:47 PM
breaking up with my true love on the 13th day of Christmas because their place has a really weird bird smell
so these thieves, just how thick are we talking?
November 15, 2025 at 1:39 AM
so these thieves, just how thick are we talking?
I so badly want to feel morally superior to the Starbucks bearista cup collectors but as a child who lived through the beanie babies as happy meal toys craze my hands are not without blood
November 12, 2025 at 2:57 AM
I so badly want to feel morally superior to the Starbucks bearista cup collectors but as a child who lived through the beanie babies as happy meal toys craze my hands are not without blood
they just aren’t out here naming babies Ebenezer like they used to
November 10, 2025 at 2:23 AM
they just aren’t out here naming babies Ebenezer like they used to
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
drake turning off the game as it gets to 18
October 28, 2025 at 6:30 AM
drake turning off the game as it gets to 18
I’ve never felt more like her
October 28, 2025 at 6:23 AM
I’ve never felt more like her
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
none of this would have happened if we let them do hella steroids is all i'm
saying
saying
October 28, 2025 at 5:50 AM
none of this would have happened if we let them do hella steroids is all i'm
saying
saying
I am now rooting for whichever team lets me go to bed
October 28, 2025 at 5:50 AM
I am now rooting for whichever team lets me go to bed
no offence but 15 innings kind of feels like you’re just doing it for attention now
October 28, 2025 at 5:39 AM
no offence but 15 innings kind of feels like you’re just doing it for attention now
Cork the bats Barry Bonds
Completely fix baseball with five words.
October 26, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Cork the bats Barry Bonds
sometimes I can’t believe that breathing in fresh air with these stupid lungs, looking at pretty trees with my dumbs eyes, and walking around on these idiot feet is the key to happiness
October 25, 2025 at 10:22 PM
sometimes I can’t believe that breathing in fresh air with these stupid lungs, looking at pretty trees with my dumbs eyes, and walking around on these idiot feet is the key to happiness
the problem with how much I commit to the bit is one day I’ll probably do something stupid like get my cpa so I can be the thot that counts
October 25, 2025 at 12:24 AM
the problem with how much I commit to the bit is one day I’ll probably do something stupid like get my cpa so I can be the thot that counts
If I killed off my Twitter self does that mean I died in real life
October 25, 2025 at 12:06 AM
If I killed off my Twitter self does that mean I died in real life
Reposted by Stoned cold fox
I'm here now
RIP twitter, you once housed the greatest minds of our generation
May 21, 2025 at 8:52 PM
I'm here now
the amount of people I know rooting for the eagles simply because they don’t want the chiefs to win is a beautiful thing. hate conquers all ♥️🦅
February 8, 2025 at 1:23 AM
the amount of people I know rooting for the eagles simply because they don’t want the chiefs to win is a beautiful thing. hate conquers all ♥️🦅
shout out to pseudo dive bars with overpriced cocktails you’re single handedly keeping the neon sign industry alive
February 8, 2025 at 1:15 AM
shout out to pseudo dive bars with overpriced cocktails you’re single handedly keeping the neon sign industry alive
Oh you can bet your ass I’m assembling a turtle army to take down this twat
February 7, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Oh you can bet your ass I’m assembling a turtle army to take down this twat