Soccer_Rabbi, Mark Asher Goodman
@rabbimarkasherg.bsky.social
Actual rabbi, soccer podcaster and writer. Uses the f-word probably a little too much. Buy my book. https://yourbayit.org/lifelessons/
Pinned
What the new MLS schedule means for Colorado
More cold weather games? Maybe! Plus some early thoughts on the Rapids roster going into the offseason. And the NYT casts some shade at Victory Crossing.
open.substack.com
Newest HTHL Substack is up!
Thoughts on how the new Fall-to-spring schedule will affect Colorado.
First roster move predictions! Who stays! Who goes! Plus the always exciting first guess at a depth chart!
And... the NYT cast shade at the Pids.
#Rapids96
open.substack.com/pub/holdingt...
Thoughts on how the new Fall-to-spring schedule will affect Colorado.
First roster move predictions! Who stays! Who goes! Plus the always exciting first guess at a depth chart!
And... the NYT cast shade at the Pids.
#Rapids96
open.substack.com/pub/holdingt...
I thought Oklahoma kid’s essay was bad but like 18/25 bad.
Giving zero points for an essay, even a bad essay, is a jerk move.
Giving zero points for an essay, even a bad essay, is a jerk move.
November 30, 2025 at 10:32 PM
I thought Oklahoma kid’s essay was bad but like 18/25 bad.
Giving zero points for an essay, even a bad essay, is a jerk move.
Giving zero points for an essay, even a bad essay, is a jerk move.
Second only to my fav - a 12:15 dead-last sketch called unfrozen caveman lawyer
where Phil Hartman defended obviously guilty criminal defendants with a closing speech about justice and freedom that began “I’m just an unfrozen caveman lawyer. I don’t understand your world. Fire scares me…”
where Phil Hartman defended obviously guilty criminal defendants with a closing speech about justice and freedom that began “I’m just an unfrozen caveman lawyer. I don’t understand your world. Fire scares me…”
One of the best Saturday Night Live sketches is “Toonces: the Cat who could drive a car” where a cat puppet drives a car off a cliff and that’s the beginning and end of the joke but they went with it for five years and it worked because really that’s all you need to do
November 30, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Second only to my fav - a 12:15 dead-last sketch called unfrozen caveman lawyer
where Phil Hartman defended obviously guilty criminal defendants with a closing speech about justice and freedom that began “I’m just an unfrozen caveman lawyer. I don’t understand your world. Fire scares me…”
where Phil Hartman defended obviously guilty criminal defendants with a closing speech about justice and freedom that began “I’m just an unfrozen caveman lawyer. I don’t understand your world. Fire scares me…”
He’s getting a payoff from this, obviously.
The system is so broken that a man guilty of fraud is let go by a man guilty of bribery ( and many other things).
He’s made a mockery of the justice system.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
The system is so broken that a man guilty of fraud is let go by a man guilty of bribery ( and many other things).
He’s made a mockery of the justice system.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
Trump Frees Fraudster Just Days Into Seven-Year Prison Sentence
www.nytimes.com
November 30, 2025 at 5:54 PM
He’s getting a payoff from this, obviously.
The system is so broken that a man guilty of fraud is let go by a man guilty of bribery ( and many other things).
He’s made a mockery of the justice system.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
The system is so broken that a man guilty of fraud is let go by a man guilty of bribery ( and many other things).
He’s made a mockery of the justice system.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
Muller vs Messi is pretty much how Don Garber drew it up.
(Messi vs Son would have also been nice.)
(Messi vs Son would have also been nice.)
November 30, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Muller vs Messi is pretty much how Don Garber drew it up.
(Messi vs Son would have also been nice.)
(Messi vs Son would have also been nice.)
Robbie Mertz spent 2 years on ATL2 with Rocco Rios Novo.
Mertz won USL Cup last week.
Will Rocco match the feat in MLS next week?
Mertz won USL Cup last week.
Will Rocco match the feat in MLS next week?
November 30, 2025 at 1:39 AM
Robbie Mertz spent 2 years on ATL2 with Rocco Rios Novo.
Mertz won USL Cup last week.
Will Rocco match the feat in MLS next week?
Mertz won USL Cup last week.
Will Rocco match the feat in MLS next week?
Ok I’m not the world’s greatest rabbi.
@rabbimarkasherg.bsky.social has swears! They've used 163 profanities in their last 2,651 posts.
🥇 "shit" (13 times)
🥈 "suck" (12 times)
🥉 "fuck" (12 times)
🥇 "shit" (13 times)
🥈 "suck" (12 times)
🥉 "fuck" (12 times)
November 30, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Ok I’m not the world’s greatest rabbi.
Remember that Blaise Matuidi had to die for this.
November 30, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Remember that Blaise Matuidi had to die for this.
@profanity.accountant how’m I doin’?
November 30, 2025 at 1:06 AM
@profanity.accountant how’m I doin’?
Jfc that was disgusting.
How do you stop Miami?
How do you stop Miami?
November 30, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Jfc that was disgusting.
How do you stop Miami?
How do you stop Miami?
Maxi Moralez and Lionel Messi going at each other is the small man big energy we all need.
November 29, 2025 at 11:40 PM
Maxi Moralez and Lionel Messi going at each other is the small man big energy we all need.
Miami scores.
Ok so maybe it is that easy.
Ok so maybe it is that easy.
Are all MLS neutrals rooting against Miami?
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
November 29, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Miami scores.
Ok so maybe it is that easy.
Ok so maybe it is that easy.
Are all MLS neutrals rooting against Miami?
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
November 29, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Are all MLS neutrals rooting against Miami?
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
Somehow I want the ultimate lesson to Messi and all players that come here from Europe to be
‘Yeah. It ain’t that easy.’
Farce. His entire presidency is a farce.
November 29, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Farce. His entire presidency is a farce.
Dude sure is consistent.
The rich and powerful get pardons, tax breaks, access, and can even get away with murder.
Low level traffickers, the poor, the unconnected, the average man? They bear the brunt.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
The rich and powerful get pardons, tax breaks, access, and can even get away with murder.
Low level traffickers, the poor, the unconnected, the average man? They bear the brunt.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
In Announcing Pardon of Drug Trafficker While Threatening Venezuela, Trump Displays Contradictions
www.nytimes.com
November 29, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Dude sure is consistent.
The rich and powerful get pardons, tax breaks, access, and can even get away with murder.
Low level traffickers, the poor, the unconnected, the average man? They bear the brunt.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
The rich and powerful get pardons, tax breaks, access, and can even get away with murder.
Low level traffickers, the poor, the unconnected, the average man? They bear the brunt.
www.nytimes.com/2025/11/29/u...
“I sense that this white woman does not season her food.”
-T’chala
-T’chala
Karoline Leavitt's Thanksgiving spread. Please dissect.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...
November 29, 2025 at 9:34 PM
“I sense that this white woman does not season her food.”
-T’chala
-T’chala
B there's no soccer matches on yet, I updated my Colorado Rapids spreadsheet.
#Rapids96 have
- 4 open senior roster spots
- 6 open int'l slots
- 3 TAM-level players (2 currently assigned as DPs)
- possibility of either 3 MORE TAM players, or 3 new DPs
- about $2.8m in GAM/TAM to spend
#Rapids96 have
- 4 open senior roster spots
- 6 open int'l slots
- 3 TAM-level players (2 currently assigned as DPs)
- possibility of either 3 MORE TAM players, or 3 new DPs
- about $2.8m in GAM/TAM to spend
November 29, 2025 at 1:49 PM
B there's no soccer matches on yet, I updated my Colorado Rapids spreadsheet.
#Rapids96 have
- 4 open senior roster spots
- 6 open int'l slots
- 3 TAM-level players (2 currently assigned as DPs)
- possibility of either 3 MORE TAM players, or 3 new DPs
- about $2.8m in GAM/TAM to spend
#Rapids96 have
- 4 open senior roster spots
- 6 open int'l slots
- 3 TAM-level players (2 currently assigned as DPs)
- possibility of either 3 MORE TAM players, or 3 new DPs
- about $2.8m in GAM/TAM to spend
Ken Burns ‘American Revolution’ is giving a lot of ‘are we the baddies?’ energy.
It’s patriotic, and also a condemnation of the evils of slavery and the mistreatment of Native peoples.
Not a ‘history written by the victors’ but an attempt at a truly objective history.
It’s patriotic, and also a condemnation of the evils of slavery and the mistreatment of Native peoples.
Not a ‘history written by the victors’ but an attempt at a truly objective history.
November 29, 2025 at 3:18 AM
Ken Burns ‘American Revolution’ is giving a lot of ‘are we the baddies?’ energy.
It’s patriotic, and also a condemnation of the evils of slavery and the mistreatment of Native peoples.
Not a ‘history written by the victors’ but an attempt at a truly objective history.
It’s patriotic, and also a condemnation of the evils of slavery and the mistreatment of Native peoples.
Not a ‘history written by the victors’ but an attempt at a truly objective history.
I made turkey, sweet potatoes, potatoes & cranberry sauce yesterday.
And my eldest was like ‘aw I wanted stuffing!’ So for shabbat we made shiitake mushroom gravy & stuffing & brussel sprouts & leftovers.
I cannot recommend this enough. Make thanksgiving into a 2-day cooking/eating marathon.
And my eldest was like ‘aw I wanted stuffing!’ So for shabbat we made shiitake mushroom gravy & stuffing & brussel sprouts & leftovers.
I cannot recommend this enough. Make thanksgiving into a 2-day cooking/eating marathon.
November 29, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I made turkey, sweet potatoes, potatoes & cranberry sauce yesterday.
And my eldest was like ‘aw I wanted stuffing!’ So for shabbat we made shiitake mushroom gravy & stuffing & brussel sprouts & leftovers.
I cannot recommend this enough. Make thanksgiving into a 2-day cooking/eating marathon.
And my eldest was like ‘aw I wanted stuffing!’ So for shabbat we made shiitake mushroom gravy & stuffing & brussel sprouts & leftovers.
I cannot recommend this enough. Make thanksgiving into a 2-day cooking/eating marathon.
I cooked, played Fallout 4, binged Ken Burns American Revolution
and watched 34 minutes of Lyon-Maccabi Tel Aviv, until Maccabi were down 3-0 and then gave up.
What did you do?
and watched 34 minutes of Lyon-Maccabi Tel Aviv, until Maccabi were down 3-0 and then gave up.
What did you do?
November 27, 2025 at 11:54 PM
I cooked, played Fallout 4, binged Ken Burns American Revolution
and watched 34 minutes of Lyon-Maccabi Tel Aviv, until Maccabi were down 3-0 and then gave up.
What did you do?
and watched 34 minutes of Lyon-Maccabi Tel Aviv, until Maccabi were down 3-0 and then gave up.
What did you do?
There are lots of lefty skeets on here that make me roll my eyes.
Mostly, reactions to people in the MAGA-verse like Kash Patel or Laura Loomer that do not deserve to be dignified with a response.
Mostly, reactions to people in the MAGA-verse like Kash Patel or Laura Loomer that do not deserve to be dignified with a response.
November 27, 2025 at 11:47 AM
There are lots of lefty skeets on here that make me roll my eyes.
Mostly, reactions to people in the MAGA-verse like Kash Patel or Laura Loomer that do not deserve to be dignified with a response.
Mostly, reactions to people in the MAGA-verse like Kash Patel or Laura Loomer that do not deserve to be dignified with a response.
I don’t know who Olivia Nuzzi is
and all of your skeets only serves to convince me that I don’t want to know, either.
and all of your skeets only serves to convince me that I don’t want to know, either.
November 27, 2025 at 2:39 AM
I don’t know who Olivia Nuzzi is
and all of your skeets only serves to convince me that I don’t want to know, either.
and all of your skeets only serves to convince me that I don’t want to know, either.
None of the immigration makes any sense any more.
The current process is like arresting people on January 7 for tax evasion … for failing to file a return … which is due on April 15.
People claiming asylum, overstaying a visa, in the process of applying - get sent to a prison in El Salvador.
The current process is like arresting people on January 7 for tax evasion … for failing to file a return … which is due on April 15.
People claiming asylum, overstaying a visa, in the process of applying - get sent to a prison in El Salvador.
November 26, 2025 at 8:58 PM
None of the immigration makes any sense any more.
The current process is like arresting people on January 7 for tax evasion … for failing to file a return … which is due on April 15.
People claiming asylum, overstaying a visa, in the process of applying - get sent to a prison in El Salvador.
The current process is like arresting people on January 7 for tax evasion … for failing to file a return … which is due on April 15.
People claiming asylum, overstaying a visa, in the process of applying - get sent to a prison in El Salvador.
My one actual surprise was a f#%k up. I had Ian Murphy as being out of contract this year.
Nope.
Expires 2026, with option for 2027.
Sorry, fam.
Nope.
Expires 2026, with option for 2027.
Sorry, fam.
#Rapids96 moves; zero surprises.
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
November 26, 2025 at 8:45 PM
My one actual surprise was a f#%k up. I had Ian Murphy as being out of contract this year.
Nope.
Expires 2026, with option for 2027.
Sorry, fam.
Nope.
Expires 2026, with option for 2027.
Sorry, fam.
#Rapids96 moves; zero surprises.
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
November 26, 2025 at 7:51 PM
#Rapids96 moves; zero surprises.
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
Travis, Hansen, Yapi options picked up.
Maxsø, Nate Jones, Mike Edwards Sam Bassett released.
4 players still in talks.
(I hope Colorado is working on a longer-term deal for Yapi.)
Reposted by Soccer_Rabbi, Mark Asher Goodman
The Colorado Rapids have until Dec. 15 to decide on Noah Cobb's purchase option from Atlanta United. Think that's pretty likely at this point given his impact, the club's perception of him and the fact the Rapids declined three CB options today.
November 26, 2025 at 5:11 PM
The Colorado Rapids have until Dec. 15 to decide on Noah Cobb's purchase option from Atlanta United. Think that's pretty likely at this point given his impact, the club's perception of him and the fact the Rapids declined three CB options today.