NewsThump
@newsthump.com
Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.
NEWS! Mansion tax results in widespread reports of decanters being angrily thrown at chandeliers buff.ly/ebXTqn8
Mansion tax results in widespread of reports of decanters being angrily thrown at chandeliers
Britain’s emergency services have today confirmed a sharp spike in calls from Britain’s wealthiest postcodes following the Chancellor’s announcement of a new mansion tax, with several incidents inv…
newsthump.com
November 26, 2025 at 3:21 PM
NEWS! Mansion tax results in widespread reports of decanters being angrily thrown at chandeliers buff.ly/ebXTqn8
NEWS! Gen Alpha economists downgrade "6-7" to "5.4-6.3" following budget announcements newsthump.com/2025/11/26/g...
Gen Alpha economists downgrade “6-7” to “5.4-6.3” following budget announcements
Playground uncertainty over long-term growth resulting from Rachel Reeve’s budget measures has led eight-year-old experts to declare that viral meme “6-7” is no longer sustainable…
newsthump.com
November 26, 2025 at 1:06 PM
NEWS! Gen Alpha economists downgrade "6-7" to "5.4-6.3" following budget announcements newsthump.com/2025/11/26/g...
The NewsThump Black Friday sale is now open, and we didn't have to surreptitiously raise any prices to do it! Get a minimum of 20% off everything in our store with the code BFNT25, and upto 40% off when you buy more than one of anything! See the full range here >>> buff.ly/QGnD9oe
November 26, 2025 at 11:48 AM
The NewsThump Black Friday sale is now open, and we didn't have to surreptitiously raise any prices to do it! Get a minimum of 20% off everything in our store with the code BFNT25, and upto 40% off when you buy more than one of anything! See the full range here >>> buff.ly/QGnD9oe
NEWS! Saying racist things doesn't make you racist, insist racists newsthump.com/2025/11/26/s...
Saying racist things doesn’t make you racist, insist racists
Racists have claimed that making unashamedly racist statements is definitely not racist, and anyone who accuses them of being racist is a racist.
newsthump.com
November 26, 2025 at 10:29 AM
NEWS! Saying racist things doesn't make you racist, insist racists newsthump.com/2025/11/26/s...
NEWS! Super cool Rachel Reeves to raise sugar tax by like SIX.... SEVEN percent ⁶🤷⁷ newsthump.com/2025/11/26/s...
Super cool Rachel Reeves to raise sugar tax by like SIX…. SEVEN percent ⁶🤷⁷
Chancellor Rachel Reeves has instantly become the coolest Chancellor in history today by announcing she will raise sugar tax by like SIXXX Seveeeeen percent.
newsthump.com
November 26, 2025 at 9:10 AM
NEWS! Super cool Rachel Reeves to raise sugar tax by like SIX.... SEVEN percent ⁶🤷⁷ newsthump.com/2025/11/26/s...
There is no way this man has any real friends? If you happen to have a group of friends that regularly enjoy taking the p*ss out of each other, can you imagine - just for one moment - the reaction if you were to get your phone out and use Grok to mock one of them?
November 25, 2025 at 12:36 PM
There is no way this man has any real friends? If you happen to have a group of friends that regularly enjoy taking the p*ss out of each other, can you imagine - just for one moment - the reaction if you were to get your phone out and use Grok to mock one of them?
NEWS! Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Joe Biden newsthump.com/2025/11/25/d...
Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Joe Biden
President Donald Trump has spent his final afternoon before the Thanksgiving break slaughtering by hand every single turkey pardoned by former president Joe Biden.
newsthump.com
November 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
NEWS! Donald Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Joe Biden newsthump.com/2025/11/25/d...
NEWS! 'My vision for Twitter was always an army of foreign nationals monetising propaganda to influence US voters', insists Elon Musk newsthump.com/2025/11/25/m...
‘My vision for Twitter was always an army of foreign nationals monetising propaganda to influence US voters’, insists Elon Musk
After Twitter added a new feature that showed the locations of many high-profile, well-followed MAGA accounts to be outside the United States, Elon Musk has insisted this was his plan all along.
newsthump.com
November 25, 2025 at 9:26 AM
NEWS! 'My vision for Twitter was always an army of foreign nationals monetising propaganda to influence US voters', insists Elon Musk newsthump.com/2025/11/25/m...
NEWS! I've only ever racially abused people in a non-hurtful way, insists Nigel Farage newsthump.com/2025/11/25/i...
I’ve only ever racially abused people in a non-hurtful way, insists Nigel Farage
After more than twenty people who were at school with Nigel Farage have come forward to describe the racist abuse he engaged in during his time at school, Farage has insisted he only did the ‘…
newsthump.com
November 25, 2025 at 7:35 AM
NEWS! I've only ever racially abused people in a non-hurtful way, insists Nigel Farage newsthump.com/2025/11/25/i...
The joy of maths and festive spirit on a single T-shirt? What's not to like? Get yours in a range of colours and with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/BIcEWG9
November 24, 2025 at 4:16 PM
The joy of maths and festive spirit on a single T-shirt? What's not to like? Get yours in a range of colours and with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/BIcEWG9
NEWS! Nigel Farage unveils new Reform UK branded Russian Cossack hat newsthump.com/2025/11/24/n...
Nigel Farage unveils new Reform UK branded Russian Cossack hat
Nigel Farage has unveiled a new Reform-branded Russian Cossack hat, available to purchase on the party’s website.
newsthump.com
November 24, 2025 at 1:21 PM
NEWS! Nigel Farage unveils new Reform UK branded Russian Cossack hat newsthump.com/2025/11/24/n...
NEWS! Donald Trump launches tirade against Black Friday after mistaking it for act of mass civil disobedience newsthump.com/2025/11/24/d...
Donald Trump launches tirade against Black Friday after mistaking it for act of mass civil disobedience
Donald Trump took to social media today to condemn an annual cut-price shopping event, believing it to be a nationwide protest coordinated by minority groups he’s not particularly fond of.
newsthump.com
November 24, 2025 at 10:09 AM
NEWS! Donald Trump launches tirade against Black Friday after mistaking it for act of mass civil disobedience newsthump.com/2025/11/24/d...
NEWS! Husband has fantastic time after wife banishes him to spare room
Husband has fantastic time after wife banishes him to spare room
A man has enjoyed binge-watching boxsets, playing computer games and sleeping really well after a row with his wife saw him exiled to the bed in the spare room. Simon Williams, 34, said, “I can’t r…
buff.ly
November 24, 2025 at 8:54 AM
NEWS! Husband has fantastic time after wife banishes him to spare room
Let's deport the racists. A sentiment many of us believe would improve society beyond recognition. Get yours in a range of colours and with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/HTQIldM
November 22, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Let's deport the racists. A sentiment many of us believe would improve society beyond recognition. Get yours in a range of colours and with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/HTQIldM
The Englanf team has gone from such a very promising position, to such an entirely dreadful performance, that you could be forgiven this team was led by Keir Starmer...
November 22, 2025 at 10:06 AM
The Englanf team has gone from such a very promising position, to such an entirely dreadful performance, that you could be forgiven this team was led by Keir Starmer...
A quick Movember update! (including the best nicknames I've been given this month so far!).
Thanks to a Movember moustache designed by a 7-year-old girl, I am going out in public on a regular basis looking like... well, this.
Thanks to a Movember moustache designed by a 7-year-old girl, I am going out in public on a regular basis looking like... well, this.
November 21, 2025 at 3:23 PM
A quick Movember update! (including the best nicknames I've been given this month so far!).
Thanks to a Movember moustache designed by a 7-year-old girl, I am going out in public on a regular basis looking like... well, this.
Thanks to a Movember moustache designed by a 7-year-old girl, I am going out in public on a regular basis looking like... well, this.
NEWS! Donald Trump sues Donald Trump over defamatory comments made by Donald Trump about Donald Trump newsthump.com/2025/11/21/d...
Donald Trump sues Donald Trump over defamatory comments made by Donald Trump about Donald Trump
Donald Trump’s legal team have launched an extraordinary $1tn lawsuit against Donald Trump for a series of defamatory comments made by Donald Trump that, the lawsuit says, depict Donald Trump as a …
newsthump.com
November 21, 2025 at 2:51 PM
NEWS! Donald Trump sues Donald Trump over defamatory comments made by Donald Trump about Donald Trump newsthump.com/2025/11/21/d...
NEWS! If you ignore all the convictions for beating women and taking bribes from Russia, we are still the patriotic party of women's safety, insists Farage
If you ignore all the convictions for beating women and taking bribes from Russia, we are still the patriotic party of women’s safety, insists Farage
Nigel Farage has today reiterated that Reform UK are the party of patriotism, and the only party trying to protect women, especially if you ignore any Reform politicians with convictions for beatin…
buff.ly
November 21, 2025 at 1:29 PM
NEWS! If you ignore all the convictions for beating women and taking bribes from Russia, we are still the patriotic party of women's safety, insists Farage
One with a conviction for beating women, another with a convicted for being bribed by Russia. I'm beginning to wonder if this Reform lot really are the patriots who care about women that they claim to be...
November 21, 2025 at 1:07 PM
One with a conviction for beating women, another with a convicted for being bribed by Russia. I'm beginning to wonder if this Reform lot really are the patriots who care about women that they claim to be...
NEWS! Man surprised to see Ashes series starting with dramatic one-day international newsthump.com/2025/11/21/m...
Man surprised to see Ashes series starting with dramatic one-day international
Cricket fan Simon Williams has this morning woken up to the surprise that the Ashes series in Australia has opened in surprising fashion with a one-day international.
newsthump.com
November 21, 2025 at 9:58 AM
NEWS! Man surprised to see Ashes series starting with dramatic one-day international newsthump.com/2025/11/21/m...
There is nothing like a little protest when you're forced into Christmas frivolities. Let everyone know you follow your own rules with our "This is my Christmas Jumper" T-shirt! With free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/nLVC5J6
November 20, 2025 at 4:08 PM
There is nothing like a little protest when you're forced into Christmas frivolities. Let everyone know you follow your own rules with our "This is my Christmas Jumper" T-shirt! With free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/nLVC5J6
NEWS! Weather hyperbole reaches record levels as country is threatened by 'giant Snowbastard' newsthump.com/2025/11/20/w...
Weather hyperbole reaches record levels as country is threatened by ‘giant Snowbastard’
Weather forecasters claim the North of England is being threatened by an enormous snowbastard, on what is thought to be the most hyperbolic day of the winter so far.
newsthump.com
November 20, 2025 at 3:17 PM
NEWS! Weather hyperbole reaches record levels as country is threatened by 'giant Snowbastard' newsthump.com/2025/11/20/w...
NEWS! Man declares himself fully fit for two months of bullshitting about The Ashes newsthump.com/2025/11/20/m...
Man declares himself fully fit for two months of bullshitting about The Ashes
A man has declared himself fit for the forthcoming Ashes series despite having a very limited grasp of even the most basic cricketing concepts. Simon Williams has read one preview article in the Su…
newsthump.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:18 PM
NEWS! Man declares himself fully fit for two months of bullshitting about The Ashes newsthump.com/2025/11/20/m...
NEWS! Donald Trump orders release of Epstein files just as soon as staff finish redacting anything that incriminates him newsthump.com/2025/11/20/d...
Donald Trump orders release of Epstein files just as soon as staff finish redacting anything that incriminates him
Donald Trump has given his team a calendar month to finish redacting the Epstein files to ensure they contain nothing incriminating against him when they finally see the light of day.
newsthump.com
November 20, 2025 at 11:40 AM
NEWS! Donald Trump orders release of Epstein files just as soon as staff finish redacting anything that incriminates him newsthump.com/2025/11/20/d...