Matt Bernhard
@mbernhard.com
730 followers 450 following 330 posts
I do election stuff and security stuff, and sometimes election security stuff. https://mbernhard.com
Posts Media Videos Starter Packs
*sad hooting sounds*
Which teams have the largest difference in rush yards per game vs pass yards per game?
The SEC really has it out for Auburn huh
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
Game was a microcosm of the 2nd half of the season. Skubal dominates, all the bats do nothing (except for Kerry), Tigers pen hangs on by a thread and escapes miscues, Tigers bats still do nothing even with runners in scoring position, and eventually the game is blown
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
"Oh yeah? You like baseball? What if I make you smoke *an entire pack* of baseball?"
At this rate the ALDS will be a seven game series for once
Rob Manfred: Well well well look who’s complaining about extra inning games taking too long now that we don’t have a runner on second base
This game has run so long that the first game of the next series starts tomorrow
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
It’s the 859th inning. I no longer recognize myself. I am convinced that I am living in a simulation. T-Mobile park is crumbling. Javy Baez retired in the 802nd inning. AJ Hinch died of natural causes in the 827th.

Werner Herzog is filming a documentary about my life. I beg him to kill me.
It’s the 437th inning of game 5 of the ALDS. I now have a big bushy beard. I have been fired from my job. My family has abandoned me. The Tigers have loaded the bases with no outs for 32 consecutive innings but have not scored a single run.
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
It’s the 437th inning of game 5 of the ALDS. I now have a big bushy beard. I have been fired from my job. My family has abandoned me. The Tigers have loaded the bases with no outs for 32 consecutive innings but have not scored a single run.
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
Me: oh, it's one of those sports furries!

husband: you mean a mascot?
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
The winner of this game will travel to Toronto to play Vladimir Guerrero III and the Blue Jays.
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
throw the ball, hit the ball, catch the ball. that's the name of the game right there
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
I do not smoke and badly want a cigarette.
This game has run so long that the first game of the next series starts tomorrow
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
AJ Hinch's inner chaos demon is going nuts at this point. We are 11 minutes from Jake Rogers warming up in the pen.
Surprise No GIF
ALT: Surprise No GIF
media.tenor.com
alright I guess this AJ Hinch guy knows what he’s doing
How do you not pull Montero here
I crave the sweet release of death
Reposted by Matt Bernhard
baseball is the best preparation for death because it does not come with a clock that tells you when your suffering will end one way or the other
> The most common side effects are fine tremor, anxiety, headache, muscle cramps, dry mouth, and palpitations

Y’know in retrospect this has been a deeply informative experience for why I am the way I am.
Christ I forgot how shaky this stuff makes me
Which I am only now, thirty some years on, realizing derives its name from nebula. So that’s neat.
I am once again the proud owner of a nebulizer
Steroids are way less cool than the media would have you believe
Hello prednisone, my old friend