joseph reed
@josephsreed.bsky.social
Pork chop influencer. Self-made potential billionaire. Friend.
he/him/his
DC via VT
he/him/his
DC via VT
Reposted by joseph reed
Armando Iannucci eat your heart out.
December 2, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Armando Iannucci eat your heart out.
Reposted by joseph reed
Posted by DC United forward Christian Benteke, on his personal Instagram.
I truly cannot think of another case in MLS history where a higher-paid, more productive & effective player was so badly squandered by the team that signed him. Really, a total shame.
I truly cannot think of another case in MLS history where a higher-paid, more productive & effective player was so badly squandered by the team that signed him. Really, a total shame.
December 1, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Posted by DC United forward Christian Benteke, on his personal Instagram.
I truly cannot think of another case in MLS history where a higher-paid, more productive & effective player was so badly squandered by the team that signed him. Really, a total shame.
I truly cannot think of another case in MLS history where a higher-paid, more productive & effective player was so badly squandered by the team that signed him. Really, a total shame.
Just one word too many
Leavitt: "Leaders have a duty to preserve the integrity and character of our nation's national identity."
December 1, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Just one word too many
A remake of Dr Strangelove, but it’s Tim Robinson, planning actually every role
December 1, 2025 at 4:53 AM
A remake of Dr Strangelove, but it’s Tim Robinson, planning actually every role
Normal people definitely do not remember why they were given an MRI
Reporter: Governor Walz called for the release of your MRI results
Trump: They were perfect like my phone call where I got impeached.
Reporter: Can you tell us what they were looking at?
Trump: I have no idea. It was just an MRI. It wasn’t the brain because I took a cognitive test and aced it.
Trump: They were perfect like my phone call where I got impeached.
Reporter: Can you tell us what they were looking at?
Trump: I have no idea. It was just an MRI. It wasn’t the brain because I took a cognitive test and aced it.
December 1, 2025 at 1:05 AM
Normal people definitely do not remember why they were given an MRI
It should be easy to recycle electronics imho
November 30, 2025 at 11:16 PM
It should be easy to recycle electronics imho
What a goal Kamara
November 30, 2025 at 3:33 PM
What a goal Kamara
Gift guides be like: Get your sweetie this thing! It's pointless, but maybe the kids think it might be kind of pretty cool. She might sideways smile while opening it. The Black Friday Weekend Discount brings it to just $7,495 (pre-Biden)
November 30, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Gift guides be like: Get your sweetie this thing! It's pointless, but maybe the kids think it might be kind of pretty cool. She might sideways smile while opening it. The Black Friday Weekend Discount brings it to just $7,495 (pre-Biden)
Reposted by joseph reed
Reposted by joseph reed
They’re burying the weirdest part of this story, which is that this congressman’s twin brother keeps trying and failing to replace him in various jobs and is now hoping to replace him in this one
November 29, 2025 at 11:03 PM
They’re burying the weirdest part of this story, which is that this congressman’s twin brother keeps trying and failing to replace him in various jobs and is now hoping to replace him in this one
Reposted by joseph reed
[seeing some turd i flushed float back up in the toilet bowl] "oh wow, i'm expecting great things from this gránd reëntrance"
When a cancelled performer reënters the culture, we expect them to offer us a great work, channelling their newfound clarity into the finest art they’ve ever made. With his new comedy show and début novel, has Louis C.K. met the bar?
www.newyorker.com/culture/crit...
www.newyorker.com/culture/crit...
Louis C.K.’s Next Chapter
In a new standup special, and a début novel, the comedian navigates murky, post-#MeToo terrain: not quite exiled, not quite welcomed back.
www.newyorker.com
November 29, 2025 at 7:46 PM
[seeing some turd i flushed float back up in the toilet bowl] "oh wow, i'm expecting great things from this gránd reëntrance"
Reposted by joseph reed
Trump’s tariffs giving you macaroni and nothin
November 29, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Trump’s tariffs giving you macaroni and nothin
Reposted by joseph reed
A story Stoppard told several times, in several places:
November 29, 2025 at 6:10 PM
A story Stoppard told several times, in several places:
Murderer: I did it, the perfect crime
Lt. Columbo: Well, um, look here, see, you smudged artisanal mayonnaise all over the body
Lt. Columbo: Well, um, look here, see, you smudged artisanal mayonnaise all over the body
November 29, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Murderer: I did it, the perfect crime
Lt. Columbo: Well, um, look here, see, you smudged artisanal mayonnaise all over the body
Lt. Columbo: Well, um, look here, see, you smudged artisanal mayonnaise all over the body
Reposted by joseph reed
Imagine getting ready for your daughter to come home from her freshman year of college for Thanksgiving, and the day of departure she goes MIA, and then 48 nightmarish hours later she calls you to tell her that ICE goons kidnapped her and shipped her to Honduras www.bostonglobe.com/2025/11/25/m...
November 29, 2025 at 2:24 AM
Imagine getting ready for your daughter to come home from her freshman year of college for Thanksgiving, and the day of departure she goes MIA, and then 48 nightmarish hours later she calls you to tell her that ICE goons kidnapped her and shipped her to Honduras www.bostonglobe.com/2025/11/25/m...
There have been worse vice presidents, I think, maybe
JD Vance: "How many of you really like turkey?"
Many soldiers raise their hands.
Vance: "You're all full of shit."
Many soldiers raise their hands.
Vance: "You're all full of shit."
November 29, 2025 at 3:37 AM
There have been worse vice presidents, I think, maybe
Reposted by joseph reed
This is murder. www.washingtonpost.com/national-sec...
November 28, 2025 at 6:16 PM
This is murder. www.washingtonpost.com/national-sec...
Good thing for him he wasn’t a fisherman I guess
WHOA. Trump says he will pardon Juan Orlando Hernandez, who once said that he wanted to “shove the drugs right up the noses of the gringos.” He had people killed as part of his narco-trafficking ring, which he at times operated directly out of his presidential office.
November 29, 2025 at 12:19 AM
Good thing for him he wasn’t a fisherman I guess
Reposted by joseph reed
Mike Johnson will not see this
Trump posts an image of him holding a sign that reads, “Trump 2028, yes!”
November 28, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Mike Johnson will not see this
Making a raw milk and seed oil smoothie
November 28, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Making a raw milk and seed oil smoothie
Reposted by joseph reed
Staff in a nursing home will cut a lot of slack for the addled 80-ish guy who babbles about designing hulls for ships & rants about Somalians at random. They abide his weird outbursts when he calls them "stupid people" or "piggy" because they understand he's past being able to care for himself.
November 28, 2025 at 2:46 AM
Staff in a nursing home will cut a lot of slack for the addled 80-ish guy who babbles about designing hulls for ships & rants about Somalians at random. They abide his weird outbursts when he calls them "stupid people" or "piggy" because they understand he's past being able to care for himself.
Happy Thanksgiving yall
November 27, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Happy Thanksgiving yall
The only reason the debate actually hit is because it was in line with the Existing Narrative
The idea that Biden's health wasn't being covered prior to the debate is one of the most shameless pieces of revisionist history I can remember. It had been one of the dominant topics of conversation for months. I was there, I remember it.
this fuckin clown
November 27, 2025 at 7:31 PM
The only reason the debate actually hit is because it was in line with the Existing Narrative
Reposted by joseph reed
thanksgiving is a time for people to come together, to celebrate the spirit of unity despite our differences, and to demonstrate that, here is busta rhymes performing "break ya neck" with raphael the ninja turtle
November 27, 2025 at 4:06 PM
thanksgiving is a time for people to come together, to celebrate the spirit of unity despite our differences, and to demonstrate that, here is busta rhymes performing "break ya neck" with raphael the ninja turtle
Reposted by joseph reed
Among other travesties in this statement, National Guard soldiers are not "law enforcement"
REPORTER: There are people upset with the president, believing the National Guard members shouldn't have been there
PIRRO: I don't even wanna talk about whether they should've been there. We ought to kiss the ground and thank God that the president said it's time to bring in more law enforcement
PIRRO: I don't even wanna talk about whether they should've been there. We ought to kiss the ground and thank God that the president said it's time to bring in more law enforcement
November 27, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Among other travesties in this statement, National Guard soldiers are not "law enforcement"