Jethro Q. Walrustitty
@jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social
I know that assholes grow on trees
But I'm here to trim the leaves
-- Mike Patton
But I'm here to trim the leaves
-- Mike Patton
December 16, 2025 at 5:23 AM
Now, I'm not saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers... but I'm not NOT saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers.
December 7, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Now, I'm not saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers... but I'm not NOT saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers.
Look, I realize I'm supposed to be waging the annual War On Christmas right now, but I'm not uttering the objectively pro-terrorist, America-hating phrase "Happy Holidays" to even one single conservative Christian until my check from George Soros arrives in the mail. Homie don't offend for free.
December 3, 2025 at 7:42 PM
Look, I realize I'm supposed to be waging the annual War On Christmas right now, but I'm not uttering the objectively pro-terrorist, America-hating phrase "Happy Holidays" to even one single conservative Christian until my check from George Soros arrives in the mail. Homie don't offend for free.
Your friendly reminder that there are just 21 non-shopping, grievance-building, aluminum-pole-procuring, feats-of-strength-training days remaining until Festivus. Your fake donation cards to The Human Fund are in the mail. LET'S RUMBLE!!!
#festivus #festivusfortherestofus
#festivus #festivusfortherestofus
December 2, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Your friendly reminder that there are just 21 non-shopping, grievance-building, aluminum-pole-procuring, feats-of-strength-training days remaining until Festivus. Your fake donation cards to The Human Fund are in the mail. LET'S RUMBLE!!!
#festivus #festivusfortherestofus
#festivus #festivusfortherestofus
November 23, 2025 at 8:26 PM
If Trump's defenders are frantically parsing the dictionary meaning of "pedophile" as it relates to Epstein, that can only mean two things:
1) Trump's ALL OVER those files
2) It's way, way worse than we suspected
#DonaldTrumpIsAPedophile
1) Trump's ALL OVER those files
2) It's way, way worse than we suspected
#DonaldTrumpIsAPedophile
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Find someone who will defend you with the same ferocity that Megyn Kelly defends pedophiles.
November 17, 2025 at 6:32 PM
If Trump's defenders are frantically parsing the dictionary meaning of "pedophile" as it relates to Epstein, that can only mean two things:
1) Trump's ALL OVER those files
2) It's way, way worse than we suspected
#DonaldTrumpIsAPedophile
1) Trump's ALL OVER those files
2) It's way, way worse than we suspected
#DonaldTrumpIsAPedophile
Great job, Democrats! Because, as we all know, "Give the Republicans everything they want and they'll surely negotiate in good faith afterwards" has worked so well for you in the past.
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats #firechuckschumer
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats #firechuckschumer
November 10, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Great job, Democrats! Because, as we all know, "Give the Republicans everything they want and they'll surely negotiate in good faith afterwards" has worked so well for you in the past.
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats #firechuckschumer
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats #firechuckschumer
At this point I don't know whether Democratic "leaders" are the dumbest fucking people on the face of the planet, or whether they're actually complicit with Republican barbarity. And at this point, it's a distinction without a difference. PRIMARY THEM ALL.
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats
Democrats were overwhelmingly united on their shutdown demands.
Americans understood that Trump and Republicans were to blame.
Voters made it known last Tuesday that they'll elect leaders who stand up to Trump.
Democrats held the cards — and folded for no reason.
Americans understood that Trump and Republicans were to blame.
Voters made it known last Tuesday that they'll elect leaders who stand up to Trump.
Democrats held the cards — and folded for no reason.
November 10, 2025 at 5:15 PM
At this point I don't know whether Democratic "leaders" are the dumbest fucking people on the face of the planet, or whether they're actually complicit with Republican barbarity. And at this point, it's a distinction without a difference. PRIMARY THEM ALL.
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats
#primarythemall #uselessdemocrats
Looks like his frantic attempts to guarantee eternal life by bathing daily in the blood of Iraqi civilians didn't work after all.
Adios, war criminal. Enjoy Hell.
Adios, war criminal. Enjoy Hell.
November 4, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Looks like his frantic attempts to guarantee eternal life by bathing daily in the blood of Iraqi civilians didn't work after all.
Adios, war criminal. Enjoy Hell.
Adios, war criminal. Enjoy Hell.
Shocked, yes, SHOCKED am I that the Nobel committee didn't award the Peace Prize to the guy currently unleashing the military on his own citizens.
October 10, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Shocked, yes, SHOCKED am I that the Nobel committee didn't award the Peace Prize to the guy currently unleashing the military on his own citizens.
Reposted by Jethro Q. Walrustitty
Also don't forget that over a thousand insurrectionists were arrested and jailed, then pardoned, by the chief instigator. Furthermore, a number of insurrectionists have re-offended and, in a few cases, been unalived by cops. How many J6ers are now masked ICE agents? #ChingaLaMigra
October 8, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Also don't forget that over a thousand insurrectionists were arrested and jailed, then pardoned, by the chief instigator. Furthermore, a number of insurrectionists have re-offended and, in a few cases, been unalived by cops. How many J6ers are now masked ICE agents? #ChingaLaMigra
Every Reich needs its Gestapo.
(Yes, to be clear, I am 100% comparing Donald Trump to Hitler, Godwin's Law be damned.)
(Yes, to be clear, I am 100% comparing Donald Trump to Hitler, Godwin's Law be damned.)
In Trump's America, you're an order of magnitude more likely to get attacked on the street by ICE and the National Guard than by any foreign gang member.
October 8, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Every Reich needs its Gestapo.
(Yes, to be clear, I am 100% comparing Donald Trump to Hitler, Godwin's Law be damned.)
(Yes, to be clear, I am 100% comparing Donald Trump to Hitler, Godwin's Law be damned.)
Donald Trump is going to wage war on American cities over a fake crisis that isn’t happening involving a fake “terrorist organization” which doesn’t exist, so he can stop us from talking about the real child sex trafficking files he’s very much in.
September 29, 2025 at 11:44 PM
Welp, another Rapture has come and gone, extending the streak to (checks notes) 79,344 Raptures in a row without the promised disappearance of all the Christians. And I had so much looting planned for all the stuff they left behind.
Rapture? More like Crapture!
#WorstRaptureEver
Rapture? More like Crapture!
#WorstRaptureEver
September 23, 2025 at 3:20 PM
Welp, another Rapture has come and gone, extending the streak to (checks notes) 79,344 Raptures in a row without the promised disappearance of all the Christians. And I had so much looting planned for all the stuff they left behind.
Rapture? More like Crapture!
#WorstRaptureEver
Rapture? More like Crapture!
#WorstRaptureEver
After years of complaining about cancel culture, the current administration has taken it to a new and dangerous level by routinely threatening regulatory action against media companies unless they muzzle or fire reporters and commentators it doesn’t like.
Let’s be clear about what happened to Jimmy Kimmel
Trump’s most brazen attack on free speech yet.
www.yahoo.com
September 18, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Pour one out for the @nytpitchbot.bsky.social. Satire is dead in a world where the real "reporting" looks like this
September 18, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Let this be a lesson to other media entities who've bent over backwards since November '24 in craven attempts to avoid Trump's wrath. The New York Times went out of their way to be as obsequious as possible to this sociopath, and it didn't save them from his vengeful lunacy. It won't save you either
Trump sues ‘degenerate’ New York Times for $15B
“The New York Times has been allowed to freely lie, smear, and defame me for far too long, and that stops, NOW!” the president said in a Truth Social post.
www.politico.com
September 16, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Let this be a lesson to other media entities who've bent over backwards since November '24 in craven attempts to avoid Trump's wrath. The New York Times went out of their way to be as obsequious as possible to this sociopath, and it didn't save them from his vengeful lunacy. It won't save you either
The ground was cleft, and mad auroras rolled
Down on the quaking citadels of man.
Then, crushing what he chanced to mould in play,
The idiot Chaos blew Earth's dust away.
-- H. P. Lovecraft, "Nyarlathotep"
Down on the quaking citadels of man.
Then, crushing what he chanced to mould in play,
The idiot Chaos blew Earth's dust away.
-- H. P. Lovecraft, "Nyarlathotep"
September 11, 2025 at 6:14 PM
The ground was cleft, and mad auroras rolled
Down on the quaking citadels of man.
Then, crushing what he chanced to mould in play,
The idiot Chaos blew Earth's dust away.
-- H. P. Lovecraft, "Nyarlathotep"
Down on the quaking citadels of man.
Then, crushing what he chanced to mould in play,
The idiot Chaos blew Earth's dust away.
-- H. P. Lovecraft, "Nyarlathotep"
Pretty sure they meant both.
I admit that when these people started calling themselves "originalists" I thought they meant slavery, not polio and diphtheria epidemics.
September 6, 2025 at 5:25 PM
Pretty sure they meant both.
Thanks to HHS Secretary Brain Worms, if you're under 65, you now need to have an underlying condition and a doctor's recommendation in order to be allowed a covid booster. (FYI, covid still kills 150 Americans per week on average, five years after the pandemic started and two years after it ended.)
Underlying Conditions and the Higher Risk for Severe COVID-19
Learn risk factors for severe outcomes from COVID-19 and actions to take.
www.cdc.gov
August 29, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Thanks to HHS Secretary Brain Worms, if you're under 65, you now need to have an underlying condition and a doctor's recommendation in order to be allowed a covid booster. (FYI, covid still kills 150 Americans per week on average, five years after the pandemic started and two years after it ended.)
This account's mockery of NYT opinion pieces is savage, merciless, and entirely accurate.
Governor Gavin Newsom says that it's time for Democrats to fight back against Trump. But Sierra Wang-O'Neil, who works as a kombucha sommelier at a Silver Lake vegan tapas bar and usually supports Democrats, says that such an aggressive approach leaves her deeply uneasy.
August 26, 2025 at 5:44 PM
This account's mockery of NYT opinion pieces is savage, merciless, and entirely accurate.
This is some Hunter Thompson-esque level prose right here, and a perfect summation of everything Mango Mussolini is.
August 25, 2025 at 6:20 PM
This is some Hunter Thompson-esque level prose right here, and a perfect summation of everything Mango Mussolini is.
Libertarians and "constitutional conservatives" who spent decades loudly pledging to fight to the death against government tyranny, now that government tyranny is finally here:
August 23, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Libertarians and "constitutional conservatives" who spent decades loudly pledging to fight to the death against government tyranny, now that government tyranny is finally here: