Ian Swans a-Swimmin'
@ianfortey.bsky.social
🍁NY Times & Amazon best-selling horror and comedy writer. Taco supporter & food writer. Author of WereCage & a book about Eve6. Bon vivant and lustrous man about town.
Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage
Here's my books, you beautiful buggers - https://books2read.com/b/werecage
People say crazy shit on the Bluesky.
December 7, 2025 at 3:52 AM
People say crazy shit on the Bluesky.
Aaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!
December 7, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Aaaaaaaaaagggghhhh!
Fergus and I just had to help the drunkest man i have ever seen at 5:30 back into his house. My guy fell over 5 times in 3 steps and then gave up next to his own compost waste. Smelled like a ramshackle distillery and could not keep his head level for a second.
December 6, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Fergus and I just had to help the drunkest man i have ever seen at 5:30 back into his house. My guy fell over 5 times in 3 steps and then gave up next to his own compost waste. Smelled like a ramshackle distillery and could not keep his head level for a second.
As an actor it woukd suck to have a great director like Tarantino shit talk you for no reason. That said, as an actor, you could lace into the preposterously substandard actor Tarantino & suggest dude can't act to save his life so maybe he should temper his commentary since he's ironically no expert
Matthew Lillard has responded to Quentin Tarantino’s comments, where the director said he didn’t like him. ‘It’s humbling, and it hurts,” Lillard shared.
Matthew Lillard Felt ‘Hurt’ by Quentin Tarantino’s Criticism
Matthew Lillard has responded to Quentin Tarantino’s comments, where the director said he didn’t like him. ‘It’s humbling, and it hurts,” Lillard shared.
www.vulture.com
December 6, 2025 at 9:51 PM
As an actor it woukd suck to have a great director like Tarantino shit talk you for no reason. That said, as an actor, you could lace into the preposterously substandard actor Tarantino & suggest dude can't act to save his life so maybe he should temper his commentary since he's ironically no expert
This took me longer to do than I expected and for the last one I had to resort to Googling '90s bands and just looking through the list until a name popped out that made sense
December 6, 2025 at 7:43 PM
This took me longer to do than I expected and for the last one I had to resort to Googling '90s bands and just looking through the list until a name popped out that made sense
Still unsure what to get me for Christmas this year?
December 6, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Still unsure what to get me for Christmas this year?
As long as everyone consents.
December 6, 2025 at 6:06 PM
As long as everyone consents.
Kind of amazing that it's literally the party of stupid, gullible, ignorant & deceptive people but you're never allowed to say that. I mean we can say it, but another politician couldn't say that. God forbid. You don't wanna offend the stupid, gullible, ignorant, deceptive people trying to kill you
*More than half of the GOP believe the 2020 election outcome was the result of fraud
*More than 4 out of 10 believe 9/11 was an inside job
*37% believe the Holocaust did not happen or was exaggerate
*36% believe NASA faked the moon landing
*1 in 3 believe vaccines cause autism
*More than 4 out of 10 believe 9/11 was an inside job
*37% believe the Holocaust did not happen or was exaggerate
*36% believe NASA faked the moon landing
*1 in 3 believe vaccines cause autism
December 6, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Kind of amazing that it's literally the party of stupid, gullible, ignorant & deceptive people but you're never allowed to say that. I mean we can say it, but another politician couldn't say that. God forbid. You don't wanna offend the stupid, gullible, ignorant, deceptive people trying to kill you
Let the making of the peanut butter marshmallow haystacks commence!
December 6, 2025 at 3:43 PM
Let the making of the peanut butter marshmallow haystacks commence!
I truly believe Vin Diesel thinks like this and would actually say this out loud to people. I believe, genetically, Vin Diesel is 50% donut.
December 6, 2025 at 3:01 PM
I truly believe Vin Diesel thinks like this and would actually say this out loud to people. I believe, genetically, Vin Diesel is 50% donut.
Jesus, that man is absolutely munted. Good thing the British Avengers found him.
December 6, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Jesus, that man is absolutely munted. Good thing the British Avengers found him.
Hold up...say it's quarter past midnight and Gizmo decides to eat some ass. What then?
December 6, 2025 at 5:45 AM
Hold up...say it's quarter past midnight and Gizmo decides to eat some ass. What then?
Reposted by Ian Swans a-Swimmin'
If i don't come up with 450 tomorrow (12/6) I'll be on the street. Please help or reskeet if you can ♥️
#MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #TransCrowdfund #HelpSky
www.paypal.me/marlahsmith
Venmo: @Marla-Smith-79 cash.app/$marlahsmith
#MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #TransCrowdfund #HelpSky
www.paypal.me/marlahsmith
Venmo: @Marla-Smith-79 cash.app/$marlahsmith
December 5, 2025 at 9:32 PM
If i don't come up with 450 tomorrow (12/6) I'll be on the street. Please help or reskeet if you can ♥️
#MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #TransCrowdfund #HelpSky
www.paypal.me/marlahsmith
Venmo: @Marla-Smith-79 cash.app/$marlahsmith
#MutualAid #MutualAidRequest #TransCrowdfund #HelpSky
www.paypal.me/marlahsmith
Venmo: @Marla-Smith-79 cash.app/$marlahsmith
The lighting is poor but I assure you this is Santa Claus.
December 6, 2025 at 3:21 AM
The lighting is poor but I assure you this is Santa Claus.
Kitten has a wee booger issue tonight.
December 6, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Kitten has a wee booger issue tonight.
I bought a bowl to put candy in and then the worst Christmas candy I could find to ensure it stays decorative. No chance I'll be tempted to eat this stuff. Maybe the peppermint patties.
December 5, 2025 at 11:50 PM
I bought a bowl to put candy in and then the worst Christmas candy I could find to ensure it stays decorative. No chance I'll be tempted to eat this stuff. Maybe the peppermint patties.
Gonna write a script called Parasocial Activity and it will just be footage of strangers on social media getting too familiar and entitled with you.
FYI: Blumhouse and Atomic Monster are joining forces for a new PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movie, with horror franchise master James Wan producing.
James Wan Is Producing A New PARANORMAL ACTIVITY Movie
Blumhouse and Atomic Monster are joining forces for a new PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movie, with horror franchise master James Wan producing.
dlvr.it
December 5, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Gonna write a script called Parasocial Activity and it will just be footage of strangers on social media getting too familiar and entitled with you.
*divides number of followers by average likes my posts receive and adjusts my glasses as I mix liquids in beakers and do other science things*
Mmm hmm, yes, if these calculations are correct about...0.0723% of followers interact with my posts. Give or take.
*Wins the FIFA Prize for Scientifery*
Mmm hmm, yes, if these calculations are correct about...0.0723% of followers interact with my posts. Give or take.
*Wins the FIFA Prize for Scientifery*
December 5, 2025 at 9:16 PM
*divides number of followers by average likes my posts receive and adjusts my glasses as I mix liquids in beakers and do other science things*
Mmm hmm, yes, if these calculations are correct about...0.0723% of followers interact with my posts. Give or take.
*Wins the FIFA Prize for Scientifery*
Mmm hmm, yes, if these calculations are correct about...0.0723% of followers interact with my posts. Give or take.
*Wins the FIFA Prize for Scientifery*
To clarify, they murdered those guys. Then they double murdered them, and now there's evidence they might have triple murdered them.
NYT: “.. the waving by the survivors could have been an attempt to surrender, which could raise questions about whether the military had violated the rules of armed conflict ..”
@nytimes.com
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/05/u...
@nytimes.com
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/05/u...
December 5, 2025 at 8:50 PM
To clarify, they murdered those guys. Then they double murdered them, and now there's evidence they might have triple murdered them.
A fun thing about this is that, for most of human history, we probably understood preferences for food as simply that, preferences. But there's some evidence that this is genetic. The way you taste food is part of your genes. The cilantro thing is 100% genetic, some people have it some people don't.
Does anyone else have a food they hate beyond reason and just won't eat no matter how well someone prepares it? I don't necessarily mean a whole dish, it can be a single ingredient. For some people it's the thing where cilantro tastes like soap to them.
December 5, 2025 at 7:45 PM
A fun thing about this is that, for most of human history, we probably understood preferences for food as simply that, preferences. But there's some evidence that this is genetic. The way you taste food is part of your genes. The cilantro thing is 100% genetic, some people have it some people don't.
I am mildly curious to see the political breakdown of World Cup soccer fans in America. Based on a gut feeling more than anything else, I'm guessing the right aren't huge on soccer to begin with, but maybe they'll pretend to be into it now.
Monica Crowley claims Trump is "talking to FIFA" about potentially moving the World Cup out of "blue cities," but no decisions have been made
December 5, 2025 at 7:23 PM
I am mildly curious to see the political breakdown of World Cup soccer fans in America. Based on a gut feeling more than anything else, I'm guessing the right aren't huge on soccer to begin with, but maybe they'll pretend to be into it now.
I just got blocked by someone who's blocking over 21,000 other people. I don't want to tell anyone how to use this place, but maybe just don't come here. Maybe that's what you're looking for.
December 5, 2025 at 7:13 PM
I just got blocked by someone who's blocking over 21,000 other people. I don't want to tell anyone how to use this place, but maybe just don't come here. Maybe that's what you're looking for.
I've never been huge Into The Witcher, I've never played the games, I think I watched season 1 of the show and thought it was decent but maaaaan. I watched that Rats movie with Dolph Lundgren and what is going on there? That was a hard, weird watch.
December 5, 2025 at 6:58 PM
I've never been huge Into The Witcher, I've never played the games, I think I watched season 1 of the show and thought it was decent but maaaaan. I watched that Rats movie with Dolph Lundgren and what is going on there? That was a hard, weird watch.
What in the fuck is the FIFA Peace Prize? This is like that fucking episode of The Twilight Zone where you can't think bad thoughts or this silly tit will shoot you in the cornfield. Oh no, here's a soccer peace prize and you're the big winner! Suck on your bottle, you chumpy fuck ass baby.
December 5, 2025 at 5:47 PM
What in the fuck is the FIFA Peace Prize? This is like that fucking episode of The Twilight Zone where you can't think bad thoughts or this silly tit will shoot you in the cornfield. Oh no, here's a soccer peace prize and you're the big winner! Suck on your bottle, you chumpy fuck ass baby.