Simon J
@hobnobking.bsky.social
One of those late middle-aged men with a large synthesiser collection you were warned about. Widower. Single Dad. Excelling at both. Cymraeg
They're using a Gideon New Testament and Psalms to keep a wobbly table steady in my local, lads.
December 11, 2025 at 10:28 PM
They're using a Gideon New Testament and Psalms to keep a wobbly table steady in my local, lads.
Thought about buying a cat couch for Bernard the cat who doesn't actually live here, the chonky prick.
December 11, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Thought about buying a cat couch for Bernard the cat who doesn't actually live here, the chonky prick.
I got locked in a police cell for a few hours after I told an officer 'I'm not here at your convenience, c**t'.
Might see if I can squeeze a book out of it.
Might see if I can squeeze a book out of it.
December 10, 2025 at 6:31 PM
I got locked in a police cell for a few hours after I told an officer 'I'm not here at your convenience, c**t'.
Might see if I can squeeze a book out of it.
Might see if I can squeeze a book out of it.
Sorry lads, but I've had a very nice first Christmas meal with some people I used to work with and there was enough leftovers for me to doggy bag all the ingredients for an epic bubble and squeak back to castle J.
December 10, 2025 at 3:54 PM
Sorry lads, but I've had a very nice first Christmas meal with some people I used to work with and there was enough leftovers for me to doggy bag all the ingredients for an epic bubble and squeak back to castle J.
217 stolen bicycles.
December 10, 2025 at 3:47 PM
217 stolen bicycles.
Bins tumbling down the slope of the lane like Trinidad's sole representative at the Winter Olympics.
December 9, 2025 at 10:17 PM
Bins tumbling down the slope of the lane like Trinidad's sole representative at the Winter Olympics.
Why the fuck are people expecting Jimmy Fallon to be the one to hold billionaire tech bros to account?
That's the job of actual serious journalists - who really need to grow some balls, not some lightweight from SNL who gets all his jokes written for him.
That's the job of actual serious journalists - who really need to grow some balls, not some lightweight from SNL who gets all his jokes written for him.
December 9, 2025 at 4:56 PM
Why the fuck are people expecting Jimmy Fallon to be the one to hold billionaire tech bros to account?
That's the job of actual serious journalists - who really need to grow some balls, not some lightweight from SNL who gets all his jokes written for him.
That's the job of actual serious journalists - who really need to grow some balls, not some lightweight from SNL who gets all his jokes written for him.
Got chatting on the phone and the mince pie I was warming in the microwave is now part of the plate it was on.
December 8, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Got chatting on the phone and the mince pie I was warming in the microwave is now part of the plate it was on.
No Black Friday deals on the Aston Martin website AGAIN.
November 28, 2025 at 11:02 AM
No Black Friday deals on the Aston Martin website AGAIN.
Sat in my local listening to old people who arrived in Range Rovers bitching about how unfair the budget was.
November 26, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Sat in my local listening to old people who arrived in Range Rovers bitching about how unfair the budget was.
I dropped the box of family heirloom Christmas decorations on the way down the attic ladder and my mum's ghost is due to kick the shit out of me in the early hours of tomorrow.
November 26, 2025 at 4:46 PM
I dropped the box of family heirloom Christmas decorations on the way down the attic ladder and my mum's ghost is due to kick the shit out of me in the early hours of tomorrow.
I'm not sure if this is a house they're building opposite me or a new Lidl.
November 24, 2025 at 9:27 AM
I'm not sure if this is a house they're building opposite me or a new Lidl.
Wanted to build racing cars, studied engineering for waaaaay too long, built racing cars.
Considering switch to reindeer herding.
Considering switch to reindeer herding.
November 22, 2025 at 11:01 PM
Wanted to build racing cars, studied engineering for waaaaay too long, built racing cars.
Considering switch to reindeer herding.
Considering switch to reindeer herding.
Arne Slot is to football management, what I am to air traffic control.
November 22, 2025 at 5:22 PM
Arne Slot is to football management, what I am to air traffic control.
I wonder what the England team will do with all that spare time over the next few days
November 22, 2025 at 9:14 AM
I wonder what the England team will do with all that spare time over the next few days
My garage door has jammed and calling it a cretin hasn't opened it, lads.
November 22, 2025 at 9:06 AM
My garage door has jammed and calling it a cretin hasn't opened it, lads.
Strange how those 'in it for life' 'have you seen my interval averages, Carl?' runners with £300 trainers and a Samoan warrior leg tattoo evaporate when the weather gets cold. Just me and next door's dog, who was sporting a very fetching fairisle jumper, plodding along the prom today.
November 20, 2025 at 12:04 PM
Strange how those 'in it for life' 'have you seen my interval averages, Carl?' runners with £300 trainers and a Samoan warrior leg tattoo evaporate when the weather gets cold. Just me and next door's dog, who was sporting a very fetching fairisle jumper, plodding along the prom today.
Considering just letting my eyebrows off the leash for 6 months.
November 19, 2025 at 4:26 PM
Considering just letting my eyebrows off the leash for 6 months.
I've got my silk long johns on.
Stealthy, like a ninja.
Warm, like your nan.
Stealthy, like a ninja.
Warm, like your nan.
November 19, 2025 at 11:25 AM
I've got my silk long johns on.
Stealthy, like a ninja.
Warm, like your nan.
Stealthy, like a ninja.
Warm, like your nan.
Crikey, Scotland. I've got coffee on the sofa now.
November 18, 2025 at 9:44 PM
Crikey, Scotland. I've got coffee on the sofa now.
That Nigel Farage will become more conservative and bigoted as he ages is something to ponder.
November 18, 2025 at 4:57 PM
That Nigel Farage will become more conservative and bigoted as he ages is something to ponder.
I was reminiscing about going clubbing with girls who kept a Nokia clamshell phone, a front door key, 13.42p in assorted change and a lippy in one cup of their bra today.
November 17, 2025 at 9:56 PM
I was reminiscing about going clubbing with girls who kept a Nokia clamshell phone, a front door key, 13.42p in assorted change and a lippy in one cup of their bra today.
I've bought some organic chinos, lads.
November 17, 2025 at 11:47 AM
I've bought some organic chinos, lads.
I see Kelly Brook is still inspiring wide spread cheekiness, then.
November 16, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I see Kelly Brook is still inspiring wide spread cheekiness, then.
A man in a 'Cat Daddy' hoodie attempting to bully an old couple off a table for four in a cafe, and failing, has cheered me rrrrrrrright up, lads.
November 14, 2025 at 4:29 PM
A man in a 'Cat Daddy' hoodie attempting to bully an old couple off a table for four in a cafe, and failing, has cheered me rrrrrrrright up, lads.