Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Pinned
Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
· Aug 4
I've set up a charity for atheists
It's a non prophet organisation
It's a non prophet organisation
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I’ve been running an assertiveness training course for ten years and no one’s ever complained so it’s either brilliant or awful.
November 20, 2025 at 9:43 AM
I’ve been running an assertiveness training course for ten years and no one’s ever complained so it’s either brilliant or awful.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
After fifteen years alone on this island a bottle washes up on the shore. Inside a rolled up note. I open it, my hands trembling, and begin to read…
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
November 19, 2025 at 10:35 AM
After fifteen years alone on this island a bottle washes up on the shore. Inside a rolled up note. I open it, my hands trembling, and begin to read…
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
November 19, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Like a Persian.
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Selling rugs for the very first time....
November 18, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Like a Persian.
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Selling rugs for the very first time....
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Save time on mindfulness podcasts by listening to them at double speed.
November 17, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Save time on mindfulness podcasts by listening to them at double speed.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I saw a bumper sticker that said’Honk if you love boobies!’ and I thought ‘Wow, geese must really really love boobies’.
November 18, 2025 at 12:39 PM
I saw a bumper sticker that said’Honk if you love boobies!’ and I thought ‘Wow, geese must really really love boobies’.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I went to the bakers and bought a really nice tiger bread but he he didn’t want it as he prefers gazelles.
November 17, 2025 at 2:07 PM
I went to the bakers and bought a really nice tiger bread but he he didn’t want it as he prefers gazelles.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
The greatest trick the Breville ever pulled was convincing people they’d have more than two toasted sandwiches before putting it in a cupboard forever.
November 16, 2025 at 2:21 PM
The greatest trick the Breville ever pulled was convincing people they’d have more than two toasted sandwiches before putting it in a cupboard forever.
November 16, 2025 at 10:48 AM
November 16, 2025 at 10:41 AM
Reposted by Graham Bretman
The worst thing about being dumped by Paul Simon would be the way that it always rhymes.
November 15, 2025 at 6:01 PM
The worst thing about being dumped by Paul Simon would be the way that it always rhymes.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
I’ve sewn patches on my smoking jacket so now it’s just a jacket.
November 15, 2025 at 10:13 AM
I’ve sewn patches on my smoking jacket so now it’s just a jacket.
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Reposted by Graham Bretman
Thanks to iPhone batteries I now feel like a medieval knight as I don’t go anywhere without my trusty charger.
November 13, 2025 at 10:51 AM
Thanks to iPhone batteries I now feel like a medieval knight as I don’t go anywhere without my trusty charger.
#IfSomethingDoesntWork It's nothing I'm doing wrong..honest
a man sits at a desk in front of a computer with a picture on it
ALT: a man sits at a desk in front of a computer with a picture on it
media.tenor.com
November 13, 2025 at 8:43 AM
#IfSomethingDoesntWork It's nothing I'm doing wrong..honest
Post someone who looks great in a hat…
a man wearing a hat and scarf is standing next to a woman
ALT: a man wearing a hat and scarf is standing next to a woman
media.tenor.com
November 13, 2025 at 8:41 AM
Post someone who looks great in a hat…