Graham Bretman
@gbretman.bsky.social
I'm a Singer-Songwriter, I write songs about sewing machines
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
Doer of UxbridgeEnglishDictionary & One Liners
My mate said he had a precious stone that was better than mine
So I challenged him to a jewel
So I challenged him to a jewel
November 21, 2025 at 9:08 AM
My mate said he had a precious stone that was better than mine
So I challenged him to a jewel
So I challenged him to a jewel
I've got a Persian rug in the lounge
Had to skin four cats to make it
Had to skin four cats to make it
November 21, 2025 at 9:04 AM
I've got a Persian rug in the lounge
Had to skin four cats to make it
Had to skin four cats to make it
Called the helpline when my toaster was faulty, they said I had a really nice voice
I'd accidentally phoned the Compliments Department
I'd accidentally phoned the Compliments Department
November 21, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Called the helpline when my toaster was faulty, they said I had a really nice voice
I'd accidentally phoned the Compliments Department
I'd accidentally phoned the Compliments Department
We had a Dyslexic Motivational speaker at work
He said there's no i in meat
He said there's no i in meat
November 21, 2025 at 8:59 AM
We had a Dyslexic Motivational speaker at work
He said there's no i in meat
He said there's no i in meat
I went on an Anger Management course
Disappointed to find it didn't teach ways to piss off my Boss
Disappointed to find it didn't teach ways to piss off my Boss
November 21, 2025 at 8:58 AM
I went on an Anger Management course
Disappointed to find it didn't teach ways to piss off my Boss
Disappointed to find it didn't teach ways to piss off my Boss
I was washed up , and all I could see on the shore were puddings
It must've been a Dessert Island
It must've been a Dessert Island
November 20, 2025 at 9:04 AM
I was washed up , and all I could see on the shore were puddings
It must've been a Dessert Island
It must've been a Dessert Island
Accidentally ran over my neighbour's dog, but I don't think it felt anything
It was asleep in her lounge at the time
It was asleep in her lounge at the time
November 19, 2025 at 8:52 AM
Accidentally ran over my neighbour's dog, but I don't think it felt anything
It was asleep in her lounge at the time
It was asleep in her lounge at the time
I used to pair up seabirds for breeding, but only chose the nice ones
After all, one good Tern deserves another
After all, one good Tern deserves another
November 18, 2025 at 3:17 PM
I used to pair up seabirds for breeding, but only chose the nice ones
After all, one good Tern deserves another
After all, one good Tern deserves another
My friend gets really self conscious when showing people around the bird sanctuary
People keep staring at her Boobies
People keep staring at her Boobies
November 18, 2025 at 3:16 PM
My friend gets really self conscious when showing people around the bird sanctuary
People keep staring at her Boobies
People keep staring at her Boobies
I met a Monarch who was off his head on drugs
High King?
No, just walking in the park
High King?
No, just walking in the park
November 18, 2025 at 9:03 AM
I met a Monarch who was off his head on drugs
High King?
No, just walking in the park
High King?
No, just walking in the park
Went on an Anger Management course
Disappointed to find it wasn't about teaching ways to piss off your Boss
Disappointed to find it wasn't about teaching ways to piss off your Boss
November 18, 2025 at 8:55 AM
Went on an Anger Management course
Disappointed to find it wasn't about teaching ways to piss off your Boss
Disappointed to find it wasn't about teaching ways to piss off your Boss