doing tricks on it (to very lukewarm reception)

HER (having sex with me): please stop doing magic tricks

ME: i can skip most of the rest of them but there's one i already committed to, like, hours ago

leaked messages from the National Institute of Health

love how every other ad is for a service that can cancel monthly subscriptions for you so you might have enough money for food during the new depression, and the industry consuming 96% of our resources has the business model: "people will probably want to spend 20k a month on a chatbot that googles"

Caillou's dad: (texting) caillou is freaking the fuck out

i KNOW he has an absolutely killer rendition of "It Was A Very Good Year" in him

if you use as Leaf Stone on Kool N The Gang's "Get Down On It" it evolves into Kool N The Gang's "Jungle Boogie"

do you think there's a sweetspot in the dementia where they could convince Donald Trump to put out an album of classic lounge covers? It wouldn't make up for everything but it would take a little sting out of it

my doctor's wearing a t-shirt that says "Vaccines don't give people autism, I DO"

this is my business associate, Dallas Fartworth. you may know him from his area.

They couldn't adapt Infinite Jest as an anime because sadly Satoshi Kon has already passed

Missile is such a pessimistic name. They should call them hittles

ERROR REPORT: computer shutdown unexpectedly

USER (a fucking moron): ok why did it do that

COMPUTER (brilliant pinnacle of technology): idk i was turned off or some shit

they should invent a computer that can tell you what the fuck is wrong with it when it's not working right

(dejectedly, ashamed): yeah... that is what i meant...

I don't seriouspost that much anymore, mostly because I'm tired and more cynical about the efficacy of the effort, but I'll give it a try for old time's sake.

It has been de rigueur for many professional posters to insist on participating in American democratic processes as a remedy for discontent.

DENNIS REYNOLDS: so then I chime in with the "haven't you people ever heard of closing the GOD DAMN door? No?"

*MOCKINGLY*
it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and dignity

Could you call them up to defend your people against ICE and the cops? There are no rules anymore, get creative and have FUN

they are called pine trees because everyone wants them

the rabbits are finally back

new virus infects your heart and uses your pulse to mine bitcoin