Vivian Shaw
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ceruleancynic.bsky.social
Vivian Shaw
@ceruleancynic.bsky.social
1.5K followers 51 following 440 posts
she/her. Helsing books: STRANGE PRACTICE, DREADFUL COMPANY, GRAVE IMPORTANCE, BITTER WATERS; STRANGE NEW WORLD (2025) Orbit; THE HELIOS SYNDROME (Lethe); short fiction (Uncanny, PseudoPod, The Deadlands); editor; jeweler. Rep: https://x.com/Stephen_Barbara
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minimalist whelks, Martha’s Vineyard
from my mother’s sleep I fell into the state

and I crouched in its belly till my wet fur froze

(I dare you to not spend the rest of your day with Randall Jarrell stuck in your head)
uuugh love too deal with stupid randos twice a day every day regarding my car or my car insurance!

trust me, randos, I already pay those things cash money, and no, I don't own a nissan.
"Him" could go nicely as an ode to the demon Choronzon:

Ah, there he is.
That motherfucker.
What a tool.

then again I never trusted any bastard with two mouths in one face, just saying
several inches later

(this is just a moss/seed stitch, 2 knit 2 purl, repeat for two rows of 30 then switch to 2 purl 2 knit for the next two rows, but it gives a nice texture. Yarn is Loops and Threads Facets in Dark Ocean, needles Takumi 10 1/2 or 6.5mm bamboo.)
look who remembered how to knit AND randomly picked up the best yarn for this kind of project 😁 seriously I thought I’d come to grief over my tension but this stuff is great
Thank you for reading! As far as I know, right now they don't have any plans to release BITTER WATERS in print.
All of this and a lot more, available now on Etsy at www.etsy.com/shop/Bleedin... for your perusal. Be nice to yourself: get a small pretty thing that makes you happy when you look at it.
www.etsy.com
...but I have a lot more to show you. Laser-printed flame-colored disks with gunmetal spike dangles. Glittering crystal cubes. Iridescent leaves that wouldn't have looked out of place in Rivendell, all going for a song. Come look, investigate, see what you like, and keep in mind I do custom work.
Time for some escapism!

Mint and chocolate jewelry. The mint-green glass fluoresces bright green under UV, so it may or may not be ever so slightly spicy as well as minty-fresh, but it's pretty gorgeous either way. The dark-chocolate version is lush and heavy-looking but easy to wear...
I just want this to be over. I am so tired of the pain and the inconvenience and the anxiety and the waiting. At least next time this happens I know I have to agitate for the root canal instead of hoping a crown will fix the problem! Knowledge!

this is not helping my dental ptsd, guys
regardless, I like this practice, they are kind and conscientious, and I wish I could have lobbied harder for the root canal to begin with because we'd already be done with this nonsense. I believe that I can get the tooth fixed, I just know it could have been fixed by now if they believed me.
It would just be so nice if someone asked me "we can do the less intrusive version that may or may not work or we can do the very intrusive version that will definitely work, it's up to you" and actually listened to my answer, because boy am I not looking forward to paying for this thing twice.
It will take you twice as long to do any conscious procedure on me because I got that happy fun redhead gene that makes us hard as fuck to anesthetize. However, I DO respond to conscious sedation! The meds are fantastic, reliable, simple, work as required even if I come to earlier than normal.
I know people think I'm catastrophizing but trust me, if anything medical can go wrong/not work correctly on me, assume it will, based on lived experience. The simple first-line treatment is not going to work. You WILL have to do the hard version. You will not be able to numb me normally.
I think the thing I mind most is the "you're catastrophizing! we are going to discount everything you say because clearly you are determined that everything will go wrong and are therefore irrational!" bit when it's more like "please let's not waste time with something that won't work"
added to which no one seems to either believe or understand me when I explain the issue! love too sit in the chair multiple times going "this isn't going to fix it" and just being ignored bc the patient isn't qualified to have an opinion
people are like "you shouldn't assume the worst" and I'm like, no, I'm not, I'm just trying to save everyone time and money and effort and supplies when I know damn well the nice easy version of this is not going to fix the problem, and here we are, it has not fixed the problem.
whenever anything goes wrong with me that can be fixed with Mild Option or Nuclear Option, it is basically easiest to just go for Nuclear Option instead of having to go back again and again and again and again bc Mild Option did not fix it, like I said it wouldn't, but no one believes me
I am so, so, so tired of trying to convince my dental practice that I want them to give me a root canal

isn't it supposed to be the other way around
TOWER, CONT'D: The GUMBY we've been watching suddenly points in a different direction out the window, clearly having identified a new object of interest.

GUMBY: PLANE!

We get the idea this is going to go on for some time.
TOWER, CONT'D: All the other controllers also start pointing in random directions and yelling PLANE! PLANE! PLANE! After a few seconds of this, we see one whose pointing finger is clearly following something moving downward out of view. He stops, pauses, looks puzzled, and stares around --
INT. TOWER, CONT'D: Person also dressed as Gumby but apparently otherwise normal comes in, plugs in headset, puts knotted handkerchief on head, and immediately points out window and starts yelling.

GUMBY: PLANE! PLANE! PLANE!
So you remember Gumby Flower Arranging and Gumby Brain Surgery, yes?

how about Gumby Air Traffic Control

INT. ATC TOWER. Everything appears totally normal except that all the controllers are dressed as gumbys. Standard ATC chatter, jargon-heavy. Clearly a busy airport.