Catherynne M. Valente
@catvalente.bsky.social
Queen of Lasers, Mother of Storms, & NYT/USAToday bestselling author of Fairyland, Space Opera, Deathless, & many more. Any/All
Art: http://patreon.com/catvalente
Politics: http://catvalente.substack.com
TipJar: https://venmo.com/u/cat-valente
Art: http://patreon.com/catvalente
Politics: http://catvalente.substack.com
TipJar: https://venmo.com/u/cat-valente
Just walked in on someone who’s clearly had no idea the existential depths to which man can plunge
December 9, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Just walked in on someone who’s clearly had no idea the existential depths to which man can plunge
The Childe was playing with Velveteen this morning when I suddenly hear in a deep Darth Vader voice:
“YOU ARE PART OF THE RE-VELLION!”
#puppyexpress
“YOU ARE PART OF THE RE-VELLION!”
#puppyexpress
December 9, 2025 at 1:35 PM
The Childe was playing with Velveteen this morning when I suddenly hear in a deep Darth Vader voice:
“YOU ARE PART OF THE RE-VELLION!”
#puppyexpress
“YOU ARE PART OF THE RE-VELLION!”
#puppyexpress
Taught Velveteen the “play dead” trick this afternoon (in less than ten minutes, good lord she’s smart).
Command?
VELL! CRITICAL HIT!
Command?
VELL! CRITICAL HIT!
December 9, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Taught Velveteen the “play dead” trick this afternoon (in less than ten minutes, good lord she’s smart).
Command?
VELL! CRITICAL HIT!
Command?
VELL! CRITICAL HIT!
I can’t fucking believe I’ve been working on this for ages and never saw that the yarn balls were two different shades of white until it was crazy sunny and snowy and now it’s so obvious FUCK
December 8, 2025 at 8:38 PM
I can’t fucking believe I’ve been working on this for ages and never saw that the yarn balls were two different shades of white until it was crazy sunny and snowy and now it’s so obvious FUCK
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 3, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
New photo essay thing up on Patreon for all tiers: the one good thing to come out of the Hell on a Shelf saga I posted last week: a bizarre piece of old furniture purpose-built for a mudroom that I revamped after picking it up at a church rummage sale...I'm so proud!
www.patreon.com/posts/denize...
www.patreon.com/posts/denize...
A Denizen for All: THE WEIRD CHAIR | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 8, 2025 at 8:11 PM
New photo essay thing up on Patreon for all tiers: the one good thing to come out of the Hell on a Shelf saga I posted last week: a bizarre piece of old furniture purpose-built for a mudroom that I revamped after picking it up at a church rummage sale...I'm so proud!
www.patreon.com/posts/denize...
www.patreon.com/posts/denize...
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Many have said they were unprepared for the depth of depravity within.
But I did warn you.
But I did warn you.
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Hell On a Shelf: How to Break a Neurodiverse Writer in Very, Very Few Steps | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 5, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Many have said they were unprepared for the depth of depravity within.
But I did warn you.
But I did warn you.
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Last March I ordered some flame-orange bougainvillea starts. I had a plan.
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
December 5, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Last March I ordered some flame-orange bougainvillea starts. I had a plan.
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
Last March I ordered some flame-orange bougainvillea starts. I had a plan.
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
December 5, 2025 at 3:34 PM
Last March I ordered some flame-orange bougainvillea starts. I had a plan.
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
They were half-dead twigs. Cared for outside in heat all summer, barely did leaves.
I brought them in for the winter all WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LET THE SNOW KILL YOU BUT I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS, NERDS.
Today…
Many have said they were unprepared for the depth of depravity within.
But I did warn you.
But I did warn you.
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Hell On a Shelf: How to Break a Neurodiverse Writer in Very, Very Few Steps | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 5, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Many have said they were unprepared for the depth of depravity within.
But I did warn you.
But I did warn you.
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
This was incredible.
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 4, 2025 at 11:50 AM
This was incredible.
Ha ha ha yeah definitely not having a one of those
December 5, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Ha ha ha yeah definitely not having a one of those
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Wonderful!
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 5, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Wonderful!
The wind is baaaaad tonight and it’s going to get down to 5 degrees.
Please no trees falling on my car or house or pipes bursting come on now storm gods give me a break
Please no trees falling on my car or house or pipes bursting come on now storm gods give me a break
December 5, 2025 at 1:38 AM
The wind is baaaaad tonight and it’s going to get down to 5 degrees.
Please no trees falling on my car or house or pipes bursting come on now storm gods give me a break
Please no trees falling on my car or house or pipes bursting come on now storm gods give me a break
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
ADHD & anxiety here, I read most of that with my mouth open and my face frozen in a rictus of existential terror more appropriate to seeing a plane crash down the street from me.
December 4, 2025 at 11:55 PM
ADHD & anxiety here, I read most of that with my mouth open and my face frozen in a rictus of existential terror more appropriate to seeing a plane crash down the street from me.
When we were out training Velveteen to pull a wagon, someone passing by said hi to us, looked down at Vell, said “Hello!”
And I swear to god she glanced up and awoo-ed “Reh-row!” in the EXACT same tone.
No other sound, just a nod and a Husky Hello.
And I swear to god she glanced up and awoo-ed “Reh-row!” in the EXACT same tone.
No other sound, just a nod and a Husky Hello.
December 5, 2025 at 12:43 AM
When we were out training Velveteen to pull a wagon, someone passing by said hi to us, looked down at Vell, said “Hello!”
And I swear to god she glanced up and awoo-ed “Reh-row!” in the EXACT same tone.
No other sound, just a nod and a Husky Hello.
And I swear to god she glanced up and awoo-ed “Reh-row!” in the EXACT same tone.
No other sound, just a nod and a Husky Hello.
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Hell On a Shelf: How to Break a Neurodiverse Writer in Very, Very Few Steps | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 4, 2025 at 7:19 PM
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Whoa. That was evocative. I really...enjoyed isn't the right word, appreciated comes closer...it. it was a whole experience. Definitely twist-y and gothic. Now I must make my sister read it!
December 4, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Whoa. That was evocative. I really...enjoyed isn't the right word, appreciated comes closer...it. it was a whole experience. Definitely twist-y and gothic. Now I must make my sister read it!
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Even if you're not reading for nominations, just read this!!!! It is so good! Share it far and wide!
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 4, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Even if you're not reading for nominations, just read this!!!! It is so good! Share it far and wide!
PS we are all discussing the finer details of the story on the Patreon Discord, there’s actually so much I forgot to include
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Hell On a Shelf: How to Break a Neurodiverse Writer in Very, Very Few Steps | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 4, 2025 at 9:41 PM
PS we are all discussing the finer details of the story on the Patreon Discord, there’s actually so much I forgot to include
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Hell On a Shelf: How to Break a Neurodiverse Writer in Very, Very Few Steps | Catherynne M. Valente
Get more from Catherynne M. Valente on Patreon
www.patreon.com
December 4, 2025 at 7:19 PM
This is a holiday horror story. For my neurodivergent gang, it is a PSYCHOLOGICAL GOREFEST.
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Names have been changed to protect reality. Paywalls enacted to preserve neighborhood peace. Read, and laugh in growing shock, at your own risk.
www.patreon.com/posts/hell-o...
Look, the entire reason this thought occurred to me is that my number is fucking one.
Because someone my dad went to high school with happened to make it REAL big.
But it speaks to *my* privilege that my dad went to a high school that turned out a billionaire.
Because someone my dad went to high school with happened to make it REAL big.
But it speaks to *my* privilege that my dad went to a high school that turned out a billionaire.
I'm not going to sit down and do the math, but I know for sure mine is depressingly low. I had a succesful dot com startup in the 1990s. It was in the same industry as Elon Musk at the time. We were bought out by Red Hat, and I got to hang out with some of the founders and such.
Yeah.
Yeah.
December 3, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Look, the entire reason this thought occurred to me is that my number is fucking one.
Because someone my dad went to high school with happened to make it REAL big.
But it speaks to *my* privilege that my dad went to a high school that turned out a billionaire.
Because someone my dad went to high school with happened to make it REAL big.
But it speaks to *my* privilege that my dad went to a high school that turned out a billionaire.
I do think this is a fairly decent numerical measure of privilege across all other factors and demographics.
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Sometimes I like to play a game in my head and that game is called How Many Calls Are You Away From a Billionaire?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
December 3, 2025 at 11:34 PM
I do think this is a fairly decent numerical measure of privilege across all other factors and demographics.
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Like, what’s your number, new friend?
Sometimes I like to play a game in my head and that game is called How Many Calls Are You Away From a Billionaire?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
December 3, 2025 at 11:32 PM
Sometimes I like to play a game in my head and that game is called How Many Calls Are You Away From a Billionaire?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Like instead of Kevin Bacon faff, how many phone calls would you have to make to reach a billionaire, any billionaire, or can you not even imagine a chain that would get you there?
Reposted by Catherynne M. Valente
Read it. It’s a good one. Trust me.
Hey if you’re reading for #Nebula (and other) nominations this year, check out my secret twist-y summertime gothic novelette, When He Calls Your Name, at @uncannymagazine.bsky.social and consider it maybe!
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when...
When He Calls Your Name - Uncanny Magazine
There’s nights in the deep end of summer so hot and thick and wet you can feel the dark wrinkling up your fingers like bathwater—and my last night breathing was one of those. 2 a.m. came to ring my be...
www.uncannymagazine.com
December 3, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Read it. It’s a good one. Trust me.