Too late

One thought he was picked by God and one actually was

Neighbor kid just asked if any of my “grandkids” could come out and play…excuse me while I cry and apply extra moisturizer 💀

My response when #ElonMusk demands I list five things I did at work last week:

•Your Mom
•Your Mom
•Your Mom
•Your Mom
•Your Mom

@mariabamford.bsky.social while @chalkriley.bsky.social and I were visiting a museum in Italy, we stumbled across this painting of the Story of Esther and laughed to ourselves because obviously, “somebody’s gotta die, this is a children’s book”

#trump is still in his first trimester…is it too late to abort?

I’m guessing #traviskelce won’t be proposing to #taylorswift tonight 😬 #superbowl

Longest year on record and we’re *checks calendar* 26 days in #coolcoolcool #thebadplace

Quick question: where TF is JD Vance? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just payed $10 for a canister of Cumin at #Safeway. I’m sorry, am I in an episode of #Dune and you’re getting your spices from #Arrakis ?

Roger Goodell is like a clothing store figurine working for the evil NFL empire. He’s Mannequin Skywalker
@jarrettgc.bsky.social
@bickleyandmarotta.bsky.social

In fairness, he probably thought it said Birth Canal #grabembythecanal #panamacanal

@chalkriley.bsky.social with the tastiest lava lamp ever #coorslight #iykyk #dontknockittilyoutryit

Really missed out on being known as Walker, Texas Ranger #texasrangers #dbacks #christianwalker

@chalkriley.bsky.social says this Rachel Dratch is Pete Davidson’s spirit animal and I couldn’t agree more #frasier #snl

To the #apple employee that created the new #photos layout: who hurt you?! #iphoneupdate

The #goldenstatewarriors looking like off-duty super heroes @sunsphx.bsky.social @warriorsofficial.bsky.social @thenba.space #footprintcenter

Down by #jaysean comes on the radio and my 8yo is singing along! I didn’t know she knew the words, so I start rapping the #lilwayne part, which she did not know. After finding out the song was released in 2009, she asked if both the singers were still alive 😑

Don’t come crawling back to me when you have to come crawling back to me
#science #FAFO