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Alice M. Phillips

@alicemphillips.bsky.social

3.1K followers 500 following 1.2K posts

Prone to falling down rabbit holes. Humor writer and comedian with work in Reductress, McSweeney's, Points in Case, The Belladonna, Slackjaw, and elsewhere. https://www.alicemphillips.com Prev.: Davidson, NYU Law, POTUS 44, and public defense in SC.

www.alicemphillips.com

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 1d

When I google slang (today it’s six seven), the explanations for their use are so abstract and amorphous. Has kids’ slang always been this inscrutable? I feel like our slang may have sometimes sounded dumb but at least it followed a logic. (Writing this out like this makes me feel old)

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 2d

Just did last week (and dumped WaPo after the inauguration, so double helping your numbers!)!

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 3d

The first time I ever saw my husband cry (like 15 years ago, before we were married) was watching this scene of TS3 together! Pixar is a waterworks factory. That opening scene in Up!

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 3d

I think I could run about 26.2 feet before tearing a round ligament at this rate 😆

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Dean Obeidallah @deanobeidallah.bsky.social · 4d

If you think Trump is going to stop with just prosecuting Tish James and James Comey, you don't know history. From here Trump will prosecute leading Dem officials, people who raise big $ for Democrats and grassroots organizations that support Democrats. Trump and MAGA's goal is absolute power.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 4d

Someone else in the elevator that I wished good luck to asked me if I was running too and I was like “ummmm” and gestured at my huge belly, and she was like “pregnant people run it!” So apparently some pregnant people are that intense! Not I!

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 4d

HAHAHAHA. Someone on the streets of Chicago just wished me good luck in the marathon. That would be hilarious even if I weren't 8 months pregnant.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

That’s bonkers! We do at least have the treatment for it in the US, which should totally cure most if not all of the people. I was a public defender and we saw it every so often in our jail. (And my dad had to quit being a pd when he was diagnosed w/AIDS because his doc said he’d get TB from jail)

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

Okay. I see why people don’t travel 3rd trimester. I say, with both legs asleep after 15 minutes at the gate, and acid reflux while sitting up.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

We had a TB case a few months ago in Sumter, SC, too!

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

Hope everything is ok 🙏🏻

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

I can go one of 2 ways. Onion bagel with jalapeño cream cheese, or blueberry bagel with like a honey nut cream cheese.

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 5d

Tell me your bagel order and I will tell you *based on NYC cultural expectations* if you have won or lost your election for political office in NYC.

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 5d

One of my favorite things about NYC is whenever anyone runs for office here they are required to disclose their bagel order.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

Ohhh what a dear she was hahaha - I love this text exchange. Thank you for sharing and resharing it with all of us. So sorry for your loss.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 6d

Has anyone ever campaigned for a Nobel Peace Prize before?? Just ridiculous, the entitlement.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Chris Murphy @chrismurphyct.bsky.social · 6d

Just bone chilling. And when the imprisonment of critics is combined with his offer to enrich and immunize his loyalists, this is how democracies die fast.

But it's still our choice. Don't let him silence you.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 6d

Twelve tracks and the one that gets stuck in my head is “Wood” 😑

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 6d

Yeah Kevin!!!!!!!! @kevinlutz.bsky.social

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/dan...
He’s back in @mcsweeneys.net with this fantastic homage to Grease!

Danny Zuko’s Internal Monologue as He Heads to Rydell High’s Thirtieth Reunion

Jacket? Check. Wallet? Check. Keys? Well, obviously, you’re driving, you big gavone. Okay, Danny, this is gonna be your night. They’re gonna be sho...

www.mcsweeneys.net

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 7d

Me, at Starbucks: I do NOT need a croissant
Me, arriving home, after Starbucks: ☹️ why I no buy croissant

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8d

We were never able to even finish our 3 y/o’s original series. We did one at 6 mos, the next on schedule, and then pediatrician ran out and said they weren’t ordering more due to lack of demand. We couldn’t find one 150 mi in either direction. Gave up. Haven’t even bothered trying to find a booster.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Chris Murphy @chrismurphyct.bsky.social · 8d

This has nothing to do with crime. This is an attempt to crush political dissent.

Never before, in our entire 250 year history, has the military or immigration agents been used like this. It's dystopian, illegal, and it should stop.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8d

Okay, maybe there’s something to advanced maternal age. Or maybe it’s the two littles. In my first pregnancy at like 33 weeks a colleague and I were gearing up to try a big burglary case and I was FIRED UP. I’m about to be 31 weeks right now and I am TIRED UP. Even typing this is effortful.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Preorder Read This When Things Fall Apart @mskellymhayes.bsky.social · 9d

I’m. So. Tired.

I don’t just want you to pay attention to Chicago because I want you to understand our plight. I want you to see how hard people are fighting and know wtf you’re made of. We’re not just fighting for this place. This is for all of us.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 10d

This one is 5!

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 10d

(Honestly…iconic. Mrs. E living her best life.)

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 10d

Today, my son and I were eating boiled peanuts in our driveway, when a sweet neighbor w/early Alzheimer’s wandered over. After 5 min of conversation, she picked up our bag of peanuts and said she’d see us later. My son politely asked if she’d plz leave the peanuts, but she declined and walked home 🤣

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