Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

LightNews

AlanPadres

@alanpadres.bsky.social

630 followers 880 following 4.3K posts

Pragmatist/Optimist/Pessimist. New Grad Registered Nurse in the Pediatric ICU🙏❤️ Life is like a cake, there’s LAYERS to it! Context matters. GO PADRES!!!

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · Oct 28

Might start hangin out on here more. Helluva season from our Padres. Brutal finish, but easily the most fun I’ve had watching this team all season.

Over halfway done with nursing school now and can smell the finish line. Time to lock in for fall/winter 😎🔥❤️🙏

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 12h

Me in the past: “man, I wish the Padres were a more entertaining team . . .”

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

Erik Greupner: “You may have experienced a brief window, but something you won’t experience with the San Diego Padres is a brief playoff-contention window. We remain highly committed to delivering a quality product both on and off the field.”

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

“I only buy AMERICAN cause I’m a Patriot, that’s why love Black Rifle Coffee!! 🤬”

“Don’t they get their beans from South America?”

“Uhh, umm, . . . like I said AMERICAN coffee, that’s American!”

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

Weird that he would lay eyes on other men’s meat sticks but is blind to anything relating to his job that the press brings up

a picture of a monkey with the words call me george cause i 'm curious on the bottom

ALT: a picture of a monkey with the words call me george cause i 'm curious on the bottom

media.tenor.com

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

Until they emerge from their Chrysalis, transformed from incel to mass shooter

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

Shildt: “Fuck it, I’m outta here in a couple days, I’m batting Luis Arraez 2nd no matter what. Suck on that Twitter!”

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 15h

Mike Shildt when questioned about anything

a man in an orange shirt and hat is standing in front of an orange background and says `` i 'm a man ! ''

ALT: a man in an orange shirt and hat is standing in front of an orange background and says `` i 'm a man ! ''

media.tenor.com

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Once again, it is the White man bringing down minorities 😢😔

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Neuralink partnership with OpenAI to give you on demand Category-5 Hurricane level orgasms straight to both domes

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Insert “that’s so on brand for her” joke

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

For Christmas 2026 Sam will release a portable, sentient GPTussy to free up people’s hands for more vibe physics

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Fuck Eric Hosmer

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Ken Rosenthal at home gooning to the Padres drama 😭

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

“Jack Smith is a shapeshifter, he can even turn into non-people things!!”

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 16h

Cory Booker when he’s getting railed by 2 women with simple questions and follow-up:

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 19h

Yamamoto to his translator:

“Hey, I want you to bet $100,000 that my next pitch will be a ball”

a woman in a car wearing a hat that says ' university ' on it

ALT: a woman in a car wearing a hat that says ' university ' on it

media.tenor.com

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 19h

Was Emmanuel Clase the one sending death threats to Mike Shildt cause of gambling . . . ? 🤔

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 22h

And that’s why I keep my bologna in my pockets when I get my hair cut

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 22h

This could also double as a Goatee, call it a Pubetee

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 22h

Get their address. Show up to their front door unannounced and thank them in person. Social media has destroyed the personal touch 😭

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 22h

My mom has always been one to acknowledge and recognize others when she gets the feeling too. I’ve tried to emulate that the best that I can. It feels good to let others know that they’ve done something good that stood out to you, whatever that may be

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 1d

“Master Race?

More like Master BLASTER!! 😭”

Reposted by AlanPadres

maple cocaine @maplecocaine.bsky.social · 1d

The NY young republican who said that rape is "epic" looks like a fuckin ventriloquist dummy

Bobby Walker, New York Young Republican

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 1d

What about that Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation that Jesse does ad reads for? 😭

“To lift the fog of depression”

Does it also lift the marine layer at Petco Park? 😭

AlanPadres @alanpadres.bsky.social · 1d

He would definitely have them disappeared