Author | Lightnews

Mike Landers

@ukplissken.bsky.social

260 followers 150 following 1.6K posts

8 minutes and 20 seconds from stardom. Vlogs about Burnley FC. Swears a lot. Proud Socialist. Runs One Touch Football, the ex-forum for When Saturday Comes. (https://www.onetouchfootball.com) Often wrong, never in doubt.

www.onetouchfootball.com)

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Reposted by Mike Landers

John Rogers @johnrogers.bsky.social · 23h

It's not in this article but the government asserts that the sandwich was thrown at "point blank range", which implies subway sandwiches have defined effective weapon ranges of varying lethality, and I would like to see the government's chart of these ranges.

Josh Mankiewicz @joshmankiewicz.bsky.social · 1d

Trial Begins for Man Accused of Lobbing a Sandwich at a Federal Agent www.nytimes.com/2025/11/03/u...

Trial Begins for Man Accused of Lobbing a Sandwich at a Federal Agent

www.nytimes.com

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🍂Crispy Fall Volgy☕ @volgotha.bsky.social · Oct 29

summoning circle, hope this works

🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯
A cure
🕯 For being clums- 🔥

🕯 Ah shit 🔥

Ah no 🔥 🔥
🔥 🔥 🔥 Oh no oh no
🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 3h

I know what you're thinking. "Did he squeeze six shots or only five?" Well to tell you the truth in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But being this is a 100g jar of Colman’s English, the most powerful mustard in the world and would blow your head clean off…

Dave Jamieson @jamieson.bsky.social · 5h

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.

The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.

"I could smell the onions and mustard."

Reposted by Mike Landers

Nick Pettigrew @nick-pettigrew.bsky.social · 7h

Racists saying the train worker injured protecting passengers during the knife attack is a hero, then finding out his name:

a baby wearing a black shirt that says rock n roll is running on a wooden floor

Alt: A baby with a higher IQ than Matt Goodwin doing a u turn.

media.tenor.com

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 3h

Dunno what this is referring to (I’ve got dickhead over there muted) but I would recommend watching something less staged and fake than AFTV.

Like professional wrestling for instance.

Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 3h

I park above Manchester Road train station. Brisk walk up the hill (which is always a killer) and then home via Rawtenstall.

Can recommend Bannys. Always freshly cooked to order.

Walking from there, seeing the Turf from the roundabout (especially when lit up) gets me in game mood.

Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 4h

Yeah but I go posh and sit inside. In the summer I walk to the Turf via the canal. Part of my pre-game ritual.

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The Author, Séamas O'Reilly @seamas.bsky.social · 8h

Christ, he is supernaturally good at this.

Zohran Kwame Mamdani @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social · 17h

Locked in with @arimelber.bsky.social.

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Shar A @sharal.bsky.social · 7h

Fascinating comparison of Guy Fawke’s signature before and after he was forced to watch an episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys

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Scabbyhabby @scabbyhabby.bsky.social · 5d

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Mark Thomas @markthomasinfo.bsky.social · 8h

I turn 40 in stand up years on 19th Nov.
19th Nov 1985 my first circuit gig at a pub in Putney.
40 years later I mark the passing of time performing at Medical Aid for Palestinians benefit.

Hope you can join me.

It is an amazing line up. SALUT!

london.thecomedystore.co.uk/event/stand-...

Stand Up For MAP

london.thecomedystore.co.uk

5 21 85

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Alfie Kohn @alfiekohn.bsky.social · 8h

This imagined defense by Cheney ("What I Got Right About the Iraq War") from The Onion in 2023 ought to run as a sidebar to every obit that's published this week: is.gd/mzdB9j

It's easy for armchair critics to condemn the Iraq War. But you have to remember what things were like back in 2003. People actually trusted the government and had faith in the idea of America, Trust and faith aren't very sturdy things to build a perpetual war machine on, and they don’t make alot of money, either. The Iraq War eroded faith in the government and drove more Americans into suspicion and hatred, just as we hoped it would. Combine that with rising inequality and the American cult of the individual, and you have a perfect recipe for ensuring that most Americans are too disillusioned to mount collective resistance to any governmental transgressions. That's what I always hoped the Iraq War might accomplish, and man, it fels good to be right.

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 8h

He shot him while hunting *quail*.

That’s one step up from shooting at grass.

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Best for Britain @bestforbritain.org · 1d

Nigel Farage currently railing against Parliament being full of "professional politicians".

He founded UKIP in 1993 and was first elected as an MEP in 1999, twenty-six years ago. Less than 5% of current MPs (31 to be precise) have a longer career in politics than Farage. ~AA

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 10h

You just *know* that if the cheating algorithm was removed before release the same people would be demanding a refund because it wasn’t an accurate emulation.

1 1

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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 18h

I will support any New York mayoral candidate who admits bodegas are just convenience stores and everywhere in the world has them

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 1d

Looking at the Arsenal game and wondering whether some of their fans can actually ever enjoy a game of football?

"Why So Serious? - Burnley 0 Arsenal 2"

youtu.be/kRHex6W-TE4

#burnleyfc

Why So Serious? - Burnley 0 Arsenal 2

YouTube video by Out Of My Tiny Mind

youtu.be

1 1

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onion person @junlper.beer · 1d

even when far rightwingers are having an extremely positive experience on all fronts they’re still able to hallucinate a situation where they’re the victim

Transphobes Can't Read @lordaslan.bsky.social · 1d

"at the transgender coffee shop"

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 1d

Vlog is practically a one-taker this week.

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Kate Bevan @katebevan.com · 1d

Reading this, one proposal is to raise state pension age to 70, which is fine except our ageist society routinely forces people out of work in their 50s. Add to that most people can't afford to retire in their 50s and you potentially have a giant fucking crisis right there

Beyond Our Means - Policy Exchange

Download Publication Online Reader The UK faces a twin-pronged fiscal crisis. At about 100% of GDP, public debt is inordinately high and is set to rise a good deal further. Debt interest alone account...

policyexchange.org.uk

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Jack @jackinpogform.bsky.social · 1d

You simply do not have to give article space to Tony Blair every time he wants to sell something.

Computing
‘History won’t forgive us’ if UK falls behind in quantum computing race, says Tony Blair
Exclusive: Former PM and ex-Tory leader William Hague warn UK lacks high-risk capital and infrastructure to harness benefits of powerful technology

14 17 110

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Olaf Falafel @ofalafel.bsky.social · 1d

This could be an Irish woman

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Jonathan Edward Durham @thisone0verhere.bsky.social · 2d

Please just let me type in the year I was born. No more scrolling. We don’t have to keep doing this to each other.

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Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 1d

But there’s me committing the greatest crime in football punditry again:

“Remembering what someone said”.

Mike Landers @ukplissken.bsky.social · 1d

As someone once said “this lot see a maverick genius changing the game in hitherto unexplored ways, I see a bloke who can’t organise a defence.”

Bielsa is quite rightly lauded in Leeds. But isn’t it funny how he isn’t mentioned anymore by the analysis brains in jars?