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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson

@fartsjohnson.bsky.social

3.3K followers 4.2K following 24K posts

Most things I say are jokes I'm Farts Johnson Twin Peaks/Cheers/Star Trek/MASH/Dr Who/Community Pink Floyd/Prince/Rush/The Cure/Funkadelic/Gorillaz TRON/MST3K/Garfield Dogs/Cats Southern as Fuck I'm 39

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Feb 2

bunch of rednecks sitting around a bonfire on a very clearly cold night. the one sitting on the back steps, he spits and says "Dracula, huh?"

everyone nods and mumbles in agreement

the dude still sitting in his truck says, "We gotta go get that mother fucker"

in this seven-film pitch, I will

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🎃🎃🎃Tars or Treat!!!👻👻👻🍭🍭🍭🕷️🕷️🕷️ @tarstarkas.bsky.social · 3h

I see 4, including MY SIDE PIECE HIT THE LOTTO and MY SIDE PIECE FOR FANS ONLY

My Side Piece and Hit the Lotto look connected, For Fans Only and Full Body Massage may be connected, all are directed/written by the same two guys

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 2d

ah, my favorite Zeppelin album, PIG FIT

cover of PHYSICAL GRAFFITI with the letters P I G F I T highlighted

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 2d

I wonder if there's a whole series of MY SIDE PIECE thriller films.

poster for MY SIDE PIECE: FULL BODY MASSAGE

Movie Description: When her husband's empire fails, an author finds he and her beat friend are plotting her murder. She must write her own ending to survive

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Nov 18

I instructed my lawyer to change my will to say, at my funeral, as my casket is lowered into the grave, the worst song I've ever heard has to blast from the hole on repeat til the casket is buried. That's right, everyone's gonna have to deal with "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band while they cry.

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Ing aka Tophat Artooning @ingforart.bsky.social · 4h

Gonna be real, this is some Addams family dynamics

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 4h

We try

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Mar 3

To add to the Mythos, Farts Johnson's attorney is also his Landlord, who Farts rents the library from. Main reason the attorney/landlord decided to finally take the Bar exam is because he knew Farts will eventually marry another crazy/possibly abusive person, given Farts's type.

All Of This Is True

Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Nov 18

yes, Farts Johnson has an attorney. lmao

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 4h

open.spotify.com/track/2DNDL8...

Candyman

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 5h

open.spotify.com/track/4uKP3i...

Believe

open.spotify.com

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Nov 27

Is Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H related to Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural?

In this 25,978 page fanfiction, I will

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Apr 22

I think Sam Malone may be Dennis Reynolds's actual birth father. Sam's skeezy & sails so he can use "The Implication" AND in this episode I'm watching now, is refusing dudes who want to buy his car because they won't treat it 'properly'

In this 90,369 page essay about Cheers and It's Always Sunny,

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Mar 16

Now, the only person to say "Got A Light?" in the OG "Twin Peaks" was Dick Tremayne. He lit up his cigarette which set off the sprinklers in the sheriff's station, which allowed BOB the moment to kill Leland/Escape into the unknown.

Is Dick part of the Black Lodge? In this 5,973 page essay, I will

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Dec 7

as a teen, I wrote a 200 page screenplay about hauntings and monsters, and one of the protagonists realized that, in order to defeat the evil, they needed a stake. The last 90 pages or so of it are about them driving to Alabama to get "The best steak I ever had, I swear to God," at a terrible diner.

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · May 18

Both Odo and O'Brien from DS9 have shown up in different roles on "It's Always Sunny," in this 10,000 page paper, I theorize that "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" takes place in DS9's Benny Russell Continuity.

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · Jul 24

the fact that Laura sees Time-Displaced Coop in FWWM but still dies, that shows that there are multiple timelines. Coop must've not kept her from being killed in FWWM. Only in "The Return" did he stop her from going to the cabin.

In my 92,670 page report, I will

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 6h

Tron Lebowski

Jeff Bridges on set as The Dude in The Big Lebowski wearing his TRON (1982) helmet with his Dude attire

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 6h

open.spotify.com/track/5GSwre...

Tumblin' Tumbleweeds

open.spotify.com

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 9h

In Haddonfield, I bet Loomis became a fixture at townie parties at local barns. Just getting sloshed in a dim corner, surrounded by 5-6 drunks listening to his every word, while he's pontificating on the nature of Evil until well after the party is actually over.

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 9h

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Holly Anderson 🍇 @hollyanderson.bsky.social · 10h

you fucked around and now the Episcopalians are doing memes. are you happy now. are you

Screenshot of a Facebook post featuring three of the Portland protesters wearing inflatable frog costumes with the following text:

Episcopalians on Facebook
Elizabeth Rose Elrod • 22h •
Exodus 8:2-6
"But if you refuse to let them go, I will plague your whole country with frogs...
The frogs shall come up on you and on your people and on all your officials."

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Farts "sʇɹɐℲ" Johnson @fartsjohnson.bsky.social · 10h

Fuck the Democrats, they are Cowards.

FreeLinkophant sHELLey B Woke - Living Saint of Purity🏳️‍⚧️🖤💜🤍 💛 @shelleybwoke.bsky.social · 10h

If I might quote from the trans speaker at the 2024 DNC ...

I can't, because NO TRANS PEOPLE SPOKE AT THE 2024 DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.

www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-...