Evan Birnholz
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evanbirnholz.bsky.social
Evan Birnholz
@evanbirnholz.bsky.social
610 followers 130 following 720 posts
I write crosswords for The Washington Post. I also like cereal. https://www.washingtonpost.com/crossword-puzzles/sunday-evan-birnholz/
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Maybe the craziest stat of the game is that the #Bears had 576 yards of total offense and Rome Odunze had 0 of them.
The #Bears just won a game that they had no business losing and then had no business winning and I'm sure they just shaved five years off my life for no reason but I don't care BEARS WIN MY WEEK IS COMPLETE.
Hi, Chicago Bears special teams players. This is your supervisor. I'm informing you you're all fired. That is all.
Officially applying to be a member of the Bears special teams because I want to get paid a lot of money to be bad at playing special teams.
Reposted by Evan Birnholz
Me, before having a son: "Moving the clock back an hour is great! I get more time to hit my deadlines and I can be more relaxed."

Me, after having a son: "I am summoning eldritch demons and burning effigies of the person who decided to move the clock back in ritual protest."
Please sign a guy named Will Smith, Cubbies. I don't care if it's the actor Will Smith or a plumber named Will Smith, just sign him.
For the 6th year in a row, a player named Will Smith has won the World Series

2020 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers

2021 - Will Smith (RP), Braves

2022 - Will Smith (RP), Astros

2023 - Will Smith (RP), Rangers

2024 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers

2025 - Will Smith (C), Dodgers
The last five champions to win the World Series in Game 7 (2014, 2016, 2017, 2019, 2025) won it on the road. In three of them (2016, 2019, 2025), the champion won both Game 6 and Game 7 on the road. The last time the home team won Game 7 in the World Series was the St. Louis Cardinals in 2011.
Reposted by Evan Birnholz
Anything cool going on tonight?
A walkoff World Series-winning hit-by-pitch, followed by the brawl that didn't happen in the 4th inning. A brawl becomes a riot. Before blood runs in the streets all of Canada immediately calls for politeness and peace and the players shake hands.
Reposted by Evan Birnholz
Game-tying or go-ahead home runs in ninth inning of winner-take-all World Series game:

2025 Miguel Rojas
1960 Bill Mazeroski
I was being an uncle for my 16-year-old niece and watching "KPop Demon Hunters" during Game 7, and now that I've turned the game on, I can report that the song "Takedown" almost certainly came on when the benches cleared in the 4th inning. #WorldSeries
ARSE got a bum rap for too long.
They love me from the bottom of their hearts.
Gonna upscore ASS and all words in my word list that contain ASS just to make this guy mad.
Week 5 really came in Week 3 (which had Week 5 numbers) and this will probably be more like the Week 3 in Week 5. I got my ass kicked on last week's supposed Week 2 so everything's topsy-turvy for me this month.
Yup. I'll take it however I can get it!
Got the once-in-a-blue-moon Nothing Scarier badge on Matt Gaffney's MGWCC achievement page! It's gonna be a good Halloween this year.
Reposted by Evan Birnholz
Mar Awa III, patriarch of the Assyrian Church of the East, also born in Chicago, gave Pope Leo a Cubs jersey.
"I, a seriously concerned voter from the Upper East Side, have never referred to my parents' cousins or friends as aunt or uncle and because Zohran Mamdani did this I now think making New York City more affordable is bad."
My mom has a best friend from med school that we called aunt when growing up. For our son we call close friends of ours aunt and uncle because it's endearing and most of his biological aunts and uncles live out of state. This is a pathetic non-issue (except for the NY Post's predictable racism).