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Crab Man

@crabman.bsky.social

3.4K followers 420 following 13K posts

Known for my iconic bits

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · Feb 4

.... .... .... .... .... .... .

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 4h

I would sooner die than click on this video.

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 4h

I fucking hate youtube. That isn't genius at all. How the fuck are you supposed to get in?

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 4h

I think it's really important that you all understand that this movie is not a comedy.

TerrorBrain: The Frightful Mentality @itsphetz.bsky.social · 5h

we didnt ohrder pitsa

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 4h

Pouring mouthwash into all my fresh cuts in case any of them turn out to be mouths.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 5h

Oh my god you understand

Reposted by Crab Man

TerrorBrain: The Frightful Mentality @itsphetz.bsky.social · 5h

we didnt ohrder pitsa

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 5h

Well let me ask you this. Is it not the nimble man that can fit into the most holes?

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 5h

Fake friends everywhere, Bloodthirsty Pervert is the only one who truly gets me.

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 5h

George Tounas always delivers baby

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 6h

George Tounas is incredibly evocative as a person.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 6h

I invited my entire class to my birthday party and the only person who showed up was The Bloodthirsty Pervert.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 6h

It's Two Tounas Tuesday #TwoTounasTuesday

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 7h

Ok fuck that again I'm bringing in a ringer

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 7h

Okay sorry 70s heads, watching this instead. That movie did not have nearly enough Pamelas.

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 7h

Now watching Night Drive

Reposted by Crab Man

Villein 🔒 @villein.bsky.social · 15h

leaving out bulk legumes for the trick or treaters

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Reposted by Crab Man

fishttp:// @fishttp.website · 15h

the most embarrassing thing in my middle aged leftists-but-we-don't-really-talk-politics groupchat is we absolutely can't organize a book club to save our lives. and crab man's presence.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 16h

I have a strong guess but we'll see tonight.

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 16h

It's crazy that if they called it literally anything else, nobody would give a shit about brutalist architecture. No one would even be able to name a single artistic movement in architectural history. They just happened to come up with the coolest word.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 16h

Receptionist: Hi there, do you have an appointment?

Me: I do.

Receptionist: What's your name?

Me: Crab Man. What's yours?

Receptionist: The Shrewd Goblin.

Me: That's a beautiful name.

The Shrewd Goblin: Thank you!

Me: Do you want to maybe grab dinner some time?

The Shrewd Goblin: If you pay.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 17h

It would actually be so cool if cocaine came back into the mainstream because kids would just do it to play video games and I think that's awesome.

Reposted by Crab Man

BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social · May 29

Politician just learning about the term manic pixie dream girl:

Just like any American, my biggest strength is my belief. Belief in a better world, the potential of my countrymen, and the promise of this great nation. And my biggest weakness… is women with bangs!! Haha. And I love fries as well.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 17h

I don't understand people that get freaked out by small talk. Just say you saw an article that cocaine was back in vogue and ask if anyone has any cocaine or knows where to get it.

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Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 17h

Baseball reference is the greatest website of all time no hate. I like to think someone wrote this in hoping that a crab man would find it and think it was really funny.

Crab Man @crabman.bsky.social · 17h

You know it big unit.