Willie Fitzgerald
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williefitz.bsky.social
Willie Fitzgerald
@williefitz.bsky.social
12K followers 400 following 1.9K posts
Mr. Lunch

Writer, editor, galoot. Stories in Joyland, Boulevard, StoryQuarterly and elsewhere. Senior Editor at American Short Fiction.
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williefitz.bsky.social
increasingly feel like Ray seeing Cartilage Head any time I see one of Musk's searingly pathetic posts. there has never been a lonelier guy, nor someone more deserving of it
Two panels from achewood. At left, the character cartilage head is shifting his skull in a freaky way, and at right Ray, wearing a turtleneck and jacket, looks horrified.
November 8, 2025 at 5:07 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
bart harley jarvis for sale on fb marketplace
a facebook marketplace listing. a man in a flatbrim sits on a black and chrome motorcycle with a baby wearing a leather jacket on his lap. The price for the motorcycle is $3000. It's a 2000 Honda Shadow in Brooklyn, with 20K miles.
November 5, 2025 at 5:44 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
"tattletale to main justice" you say
You clearly didn’t get the response you wanted—which was information handed over to you without having to dig into the facts of the case to craft a truthful story—so you thought you’d “tattletale” to main justice. Lindsay [sic] Halligan was attempting to point you to facts, not gossip, but when clarifying that she would adhere to the rule of the law and not disclose Grand Jury information, you threaten to leak an entire conversation. Good luck ever getting anyone to talk to you when you publish their texts. From the SNL skit "Main Justice": Jason Sudeikis, dressed as a sort of Colonel Sanders judge, with Jaime Foxx wearing a bailiff's uniform and wild Jheri curl. They are in a courtroom staring at an unseen defendant.
October 21, 2025 at 1:22 AM
williefitz.bsky.social
children don't like the vehicle
screenshot from the simpsons where the very tall man is driving a tiny car. nelson is in the background, about to laugh at him.
October 16, 2025 at 5:52 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
shot from beavis and buthead. beavis is crying in front of a gravestone that reads: here lies beavis. he never scored
October 2, 2025 at 11:11 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
correct
text results of this ESPN bot reading, "You are: Woeful Your prediction: Woeful"
August 13, 2025 at 1:46 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
"Put it in H!"
A scene from the simpsons: Homer is in a tiny car with a fly for a hood ornament, from a country that no longer exists. The car dealer is behind him pushing the car and shouting "put it in h!"
August 1, 2025 at 9:34 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
weird enormous baby from Akira, there's a guy standing in front of it covering his face with his arm
July 28, 2025 at 5:26 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
my big takeaway from the Finals is that every time they cut to Mark Daigneault, he's making the face of a guy looking up at a grocery store aisle guide.

OK Mark, aisle 7 has Inter...national foods.
Aisle 8 has asian foods tho
she wants soba noodles so would those— god damn it
Are they pasta?
mark daigneault looking up and wondering why they'd put the paper towels and the toilet paper in different aisles if they're basically the same thing
June 17, 2025 at 3:14 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
I think this is just gonna be my go-to response whenever anyone talks about AI to me
Homer Simpson saying "I sleep in a big bed with my mind."
June 16, 2025 at 6:55 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
here's one I got this morning. Like, I'm not trying to do a goof here, asking "how many pebbles can I eat." This is a normal ass question that it completely beefs. unbelievably shitty product.
A google search result for the question "what allergnes are high today in NYC" The answer is "In New York City, April 24 2025, ragweed pollen is high, while mold and ragweed pollen are low." the two phrases with "ragweed pollen" in them are highlighted.
April 25, 2025 at 2:37 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
April 23, 2025 at 2:53 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
Matt Yglesias, soon:
Mr Burns on the balcony, Smithers beside him looking nervous. Text overlaid say "I would specifically say that clinging to due process rights of people making asylum claims..." Also Mr Burns, now wearing a fake mustache. Text says "Hello my name is... Ttam. Yes, that will do. Anyway, I say Yglesias makes some good points!"
April 18, 2025 at 4:39 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
Hiram Clarke Hustler - Futuristic Space Age Remix is sick, too. chopped and screwed "I Gots to Ball"... like god damn
The cover of Viper's Hiram Clarke Hustler remix album
April 18, 2025 at 4:27 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
Today is my dad's 75th birthday. One of my favorite shots of him, taken by my brother. On the phone today he told me a new (to me) joke: "what did the two male giraffes say when they walked into the party? we brought the high balls"
my dad sitting with his legs crossed in front of a large pillar. he's looking at his phone, wearing a beanie and a black overcoat
April 16, 2025 at 1:58 AM
williefitz.bsky.social
this man is a pretender to the throne. may I introduce you gentlemen to the once and future king:
A black truck with a "DISGUSTED DADS" decal on the windshield. the license plate says "DADSMATR" A side view of the same truck. there is a decal that says #dadsmatter and another decal of a smiley face giving two middle fingers. below it are the words "family court"
April 16, 2025 at 1:28 AM
williefitz.bsky.social
Milhouse from the simpsons grimacing in sadness
April 10, 2025 at 5:51 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
Homer Simpson smiling. Text over it reads "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography"
March 26, 2025 at 2:47 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
a shot of the "bad idea jeans" logo on a pair of jeans. It's black text on a red square, over faded denim. It's from the SNL skit "bad idea jeans"
March 14, 2025 at 10:09 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
there is not a single AI product that is 5% as impressive as the Zeroll ice cream scoop i bought recently. I feel like god almighty when i use this thing
A silver zeroll ice cream scoop
February 25, 2025 at 6:06 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
learning a lot about soup
screenshot of a ludicrous soup recipe, which reads as follows: Fun facts about Chicken soup Here are some historical facts which you can share with your loved ones during the dinner. Chicken soup is everyone’s well-known dish. No matter where you go, chicken soup is the meal that you can find. But did you ever wonder when humans invented the soup? How did they come to the idea to make it? The history of soup is a very long one. Archeologists connected the first soup with the making of clay pots. In the event of making clay pots, people had all the requirements of cooking the soup. And that magical moment happened in 6000 BCE in Mesopotamia. How did they come to the idea of how to make a soup, archeologists don’t have an answer. It could be that they wanted to have something liquid to eat so that they could avoid being dehydrated. Or they were experimenting with clay pots, and making the soup was a successful and delicious result. However, archeologists find a few details of the first soup. It was a soup with meat, and they used hippopotamus. In light of the history of soup, the first soup was made in 6000 BCE, and it was made from a hippopotamus. Since that event, soup has become one of the most important parts of every cuisine, and evolved. Nowadays there are transparent and thick soups. Also, there are versions with meat, only vegetables, or a mixture of meat and vegetables. We can’t forget that some soups are made from fruits.
February 10, 2025 at 4:16 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
me when someone reccomends Balatro or Slay the Spire:
Tim Meadow's character from "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" from the scene where he says "you don't want no part of this shit, Dewey"
February 7, 2025 at 7:57 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
the children of millennials in a few years:
kevin mcdonald from Kids in The Hall's "Daddy Drank" skit. he's wearing blue and white striped pajamas. A subtitle reads "Daddy posted"
February 6, 2025 at 4:30 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
nice try. that is a Cube
a screenshot from facebook marketplace of a wooden box with the word "globe" written on it
January 16, 2025 at 11:18 PM
williefitz.bsky.social
me learning the italian falconer who got fired bc he posted pics of his dong implant is a nazi:
still frame of norm mcdonald from the bit where he's reading a wikipedia page about hitler. he's saying "now wait a minute" as he reaches the part about all the uh, nazism
January 15, 2025 at 10:39 PM