beautiful boule

Again: respect to the anthropologists, psychologists, neurologists, and all knowledge-seeking, research-undertaking practitioners trying to figure out What The Fuck. I'll help them when I can. But I have to be content knowing that things like me, Fen, Lux, & others are real, and get on with living.

Meeting others like me organically (that is, by accident through conversation and recognition of shared interior habits and impulses) helped me understand what I am (lycanthrope), what I'm not (furry, therian), and that understanding is good, but not a prerequisite for living a fulfilling life.

Much of this is impossible to rationalize & ends up endured in solitude. I spent decades feeling like every other "werewolf fan" was in on the bit ("wouldn't it be amazing if this power fantasy delusion was real? Ha ha whee"), and that I was insane for feeling it as a disconnect rather than a wish.

There's nascent acedemic research connecting it to autism and CPTSD and I salute that effort but I don't think the outcome of such research is likely to be practical, at least not in my lifetime. And in the meantime, I do have a life to live. This is just a really weird part of it. Community helps.

Gender transition is a useful analogue, but where it diverges from the non-human ID experience, it REALLY breaks down. There's no practical endpoint for many of us to point to. If gender is a spectrum, therianism/zoanthropy is a scatterplot. In-groups, overlapping/conflicting lexicons, theories, etc

Fen and I connected when they submitted a story, EYETEETH, to my anthology series. I had the shock of reading my own private experiences cast in someone else's language. Related to what they wrote in the thread. What we have might be comorbid with transgenderism but it ain't JUST that, for sure.

Celebrating / affirming / recognizing / expressing solidarity

they're on the computer SO much, and THAT'S PRAXIS