Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes.bsky.social
What do you call a colour that doesn't exist?
A pigment of your imagination
A pigment of your imagination
November 27, 2025 at 4:25 PM
What do you call a colour that doesn't exist?
A pigment of your imagination
A pigment of your imagination
To ride the horse or to not ride the horse…
That is equestrian
That is equestrian
November 27, 2025 at 3:10 PM
To ride the horse or to not ride the horse…
That is equestrian
That is equestrian
I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
November 27, 2025 at 1:28 PM
I found out that Dwayne Johnson lives in the apartment above mine.
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
Can’t believe that for years I've been living under a Rock
During a recent game of poker, everyone got a turn to be the dealer, except for me.
It was not an I deal situation
It was not an I deal situation
November 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
During a recent game of poker, everyone got a turn to be the dealer, except for me.
It was not an I deal situation
It was not an I deal situation
My tree sap collection business is going great.
Just opened up another branch
Just opened up another branch
November 27, 2025 at 9:25 AM
My tree sap collection business is going great.
Just opened up another branch
Just opened up another branch
I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
November 27, 2025 at 7:49 AM
I never understood why people dislike vegans so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from the children just like the bottle says
November 27, 2025 at 6:55 AM
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from the children just like the bottle says
Why did the farmer buy loads of chicks?
They were all going cheap
They were all going cheap
November 27, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Why did the farmer buy loads of chicks?
They were all going cheap
They were all going cheap
My brother was a lion tamer. When he went bankrupt they took almost everything.
But at least he still has his pride
But at least he still has his pride
November 26, 2025 at 10:42 PM
My brother was a lion tamer. When he went bankrupt they took almost everything.
But at least he still has his pride
But at least he still has his pride
Passed a girl sobbing on the side of the road.
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
November 26, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Passed a girl sobbing on the side of the road.
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
At least she had a shoulder to cry on
I walked past a sign that said “watch repairs here.”
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
November 26, 2025 at 7:22 PM
I walked past a sign that said “watch repairs here.”
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
I stood there for 30 minutes. I didn’t see anything
It wasn't me that made my flowers grow, it was the morning mist.
I have to give credit where credit is dew
I have to give credit where credit is dew
November 26, 2025 at 6:17 PM
It wasn't me that made my flowers grow, it was the morning mist.
I have to give credit where credit is dew
I have to give credit where credit is dew
Next time you feel completely useless in life, remember…
You can always serve as a bad example
You can always serve as a bad example
November 26, 2025 at 5:06 PM
Next time you feel completely useless in life, remember…
You can always serve as a bad example
You can always serve as a bad example
As I get older, I often remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice
November 26, 2025 at 3:04 PM
As I get older, I often remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don't have time for this crap”
I thought, “I don't have time for this crap”
November 26, 2025 at 1:27 PM
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don't have time for this crap”
I thought, “I don't have time for this crap”
I was on the couch next to my wife, who was eating a snack and texting on her phone.
I then heard my phone buzz in the kitchen where it was charging so I got up to check it.
It was my wife, who texted, “Bring me a drink on your way back please”
I then heard my phone buzz in the kitchen where it was charging so I got up to check it.
It was my wife, who texted, “Bring me a drink on your way back please”
November 26, 2025 at 12:10 PM
I was on the couch next to my wife, who was eating a snack and texting on her phone.
I then heard my phone buzz in the kitchen where it was charging so I got up to check it.
It was my wife, who texted, “Bring me a drink on your way back please”
I then heard my phone buzz in the kitchen where it was charging so I got up to check it.
It was my wife, who texted, “Bring me a drink on your way back please”
Why was Dracula a bad CEO?
He was always avoiding the stakeholders
He was always avoiding the stakeholders
November 26, 2025 at 8:54 AM
Why was Dracula a bad CEO?
He was always avoiding the stakeholders
He was always avoiding the stakeholders
Cannibals will never go hungry.
They can always make themselves a snack
They can always make themselves a snack
November 26, 2025 at 7:31 AM
Cannibals will never go hungry.
They can always make themselves a snack
They can always make themselves a snack
Why couldn't the sailor play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck
Because the captain was standing on the deck
November 26, 2025 at 6:37 AM
Why couldn't the sailor play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck
Because the captain was standing on the deck
My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.
I said "Son, she's a keeper"
I said "Son, she's a keeper"
November 25, 2025 at 11:47 PM
My son started dating a goalie for a women's soccer team and asked me what I thought of her.
I said "Son, she's a keeper"
I said "Son, she's a keeper"
My wife just served a red, white and blue pie for dessert.
Very pastryotic
Very pastryotic
November 25, 2025 at 10:21 PM
My wife just served a red, white and blue pie for dessert.
Very pastryotic
Very pastryotic
You should never listen to an acute nor an obtuse angle.
Neither are right
Neither are right
November 25, 2025 at 9:47 PM
You should never listen to an acute nor an obtuse angle.
Neither are right
Neither are right
Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?
Because of his retractable clause
Because of his retractable clause
November 25, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?
Because of his retractable clause
Because of his retractable clause
Doctor doctor, I have a terrible fear of palindromes!
Doctor: Have you thought about Xanax?
Patient: *screams*
Doctor: Have you thought about Xanax?
Patient: *screams*
November 25, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Doctor doctor, I have a terrible fear of palindromes!
Doctor: Have you thought about Xanax?
Patient: *screams*
Doctor: Have you thought about Xanax?
Patient: *screams*
If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say…
Not very good with numbers
Not very good with numbers
November 25, 2025 at 5:02 PM
If I had to describe myself in three words, I would say…
Not very good with numbers
Not very good with numbers