Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes.bsky.social
After playing guitar for years, I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up
December 11, 2025 at 2:14 PM
After playing guitar for years, I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up
“Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
“Yes, sir. It’s fresh ground”
“Yes, sir. It’s fresh ground”
December 11, 2025 at 12:27 PM
“Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
“Yes, sir. It’s fresh ground”
“Yes, sir. It’s fresh ground”
Someone once tried to sell me an invisibility cloak but I knew it was a scam.
I saw right through it
I saw right through it
December 11, 2025 at 12:02 PM
Someone once tried to sell me an invisibility cloak but I knew it was a scam.
I saw right through it
I saw right through it
What do you call a carnivorous weatherman?
A meat-eaterologist
A meat-eaterologist
December 11, 2025 at 8:02 AM
What do you call a carnivorous weatherman?
A meat-eaterologist
A meat-eaterologist
The police came out to warn me that the frozen pond I was fishing on was quickly melting.
I’m not in trouble, but I am walking on thin ice
I’m not in trouble, but I am walking on thin ice
December 11, 2025 at 7:34 AM
The police came out to warn me that the frozen pond I was fishing on was quickly melting.
I’m not in trouble, but I am walking on thin ice
I’m not in trouble, but I am walking on thin ice
My old refrigerator broke, but I haven’t had time to dispose of it yet. But it’s okay.
I’ll toss that fridge when I get to it
I’ll toss that fridge when I get to it
December 11, 2025 at 6:05 AM
My old refrigerator broke, but I haven’t had time to dispose of it yet. But it’s okay.
I’ll toss that fridge when I get to it
I’ll toss that fridge when I get to it
I named my dog “5 Miles” so that I could tell people that I walk 5 Miles everyday
December 10, 2025 at 11:43 PM
I named my dog “5 Miles” so that I could tell people that I walk 5 Miles everyday
I once dated a Swiss girl, but broke up with her after visiting her hometown.
There were a ton of red flags
There were a ton of red flags
December 10, 2025 at 9:41 PM
I once dated a Swiss girl, but broke up with her after visiting her hometown.
There were a ton of red flags
There were a ton of red flags
My parents always told me their world doesn’t revolve around me.
So I guess that means I’m not actually their sun
So I guess that means I’m not actually their sun
December 10, 2025 at 9:16 PM
My parents always told me their world doesn’t revolve around me.
So I guess that means I’m not actually their sun
So I guess that means I’m not actually their sun
I drove my wife to the airport and dropped her off.
She got home 30 minutes later in a taxi and said, “What was that about?”
She got home 30 minutes later in a taxi and said, “What was that about?”
December 10, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I drove my wife to the airport and dropped her off.
She got home 30 minutes later in a taxi and said, “What was that about?”
She got home 30 minutes later in a taxi and said, “What was that about?”
What do you call a mythical Scottish creature that roams around ringing doorbells?
The knock less monster
The knock less monster
December 10, 2025 at 4:54 PM
What do you call a mythical Scottish creature that roams around ringing doorbells?
The knock less monster
The knock less monster
My son glued himself to his student handbook.
I'm glad he decided to adhere to the rules
I'm glad he decided to adhere to the rules
December 10, 2025 at 4:23 PM
My son glued himself to his student handbook.
I'm glad he decided to adhere to the rules
I'm glad he decided to adhere to the rules
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
It takes it's cloves off
It takes it's cloves off
December 10, 2025 at 1:16 PM
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
It takes it's cloves off
It takes it's cloves off
Just found out that England doesn't have a kidney bank.
But it does have a Liverpool
But it does have a Liverpool
December 10, 2025 at 12:19 PM
Just found out that England doesn't have a kidney bank.
But it does have a Liverpool
But it does have a Liverpool
I just sat next to a baby on a 12 hour flight. I had no idea that someone could cry for 12 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed
Even the baby was impressed
December 10, 2025 at 11:22 AM
I just sat next to a baby on a 12 hour flight. I had no idea that someone could cry for 12 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed
Even the baby was impressed
My grandfather’s last request before he passed was for his ashes to be put into a spray bottle with water and spritzed onto his prized plants.
He will be mist!
He will be mist!
December 10, 2025 at 9:08 AM
My grandfather’s last request before he passed was for his ashes to be put into a spray bottle with water and spritzed onto his prized plants.
He will be mist!
He will be mist!
What do you call a vampire that flips pancakes?
Count Spatula
Count Spatula
December 10, 2025 at 7:58 AM
What do you call a vampire that flips pancakes?
Count Spatula
Count Spatula
Me: I have a headache.
WebMD: And it’ll be your last
WebMD: And it’ll be your last
December 10, 2025 at 7:14 AM
Me: I have a headache.
WebMD: And it’ll be your last
WebMD: And it’ll be your last
As Americans we call it an “elevator” but in London they call it a “lift”
Guess we were raised differently
Guess we were raised differently
December 9, 2025 at 11:18 PM
As Americans we call it an “elevator” but in London they call it a “lift”
Guess we were raised differently
Guess we were raised differently
Why did the chicken lay its egg on an axe?
To hatchet
To hatchet
December 9, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Why did the chicken lay its egg on an axe?
To hatchet
To hatchet
I wonder if there were actually 102 Dalmatians.
But the other one was never spotted
But the other one was never spotted
December 9, 2025 at 8:26 PM
I wonder if there were actually 102 Dalmatians.
But the other one was never spotted
But the other one was never spotted
What do you call a statue of Darth Vader?
Mannequin Skywalker
Mannequin Skywalker
December 9, 2025 at 5:07 PM
What do you call a statue of Darth Vader?
Mannequin Skywalker
Mannequin Skywalker
I never understood why people dislike vegetarians so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
December 9, 2025 at 4:57 PM
I never understood why people dislike vegetarians so much.
I’ve never had any beef with them
I’ve never had any beef with them
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves
December 9, 2025 at 3:24 PM
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves
Visited the National Museum of Helium.
I can't speak highly enough about it
I can't speak highly enough about it
December 9, 2025 at 12:24 PM
Visited the National Museum of Helium.
I can't speak highly enough about it
I can't speak highly enough about it