I said I'd take a photo of me with the Golden Gate Bridge when I got there, to show I made it safe, I promised.

"I think physicians after EIS have to ask themselves how much do I miss clinical medicine? If classmates missed it a lot, then they returned to academic medicine. If a little, then they found a public health job that would allow them to have several days of clinic a month."

I try not to take it too personally. Everyone has their hidden successes I know, the ones they're humbly keeping to themselves. But, I do try to use it to remind me why I'm here: Keep listening, keep learning, keep laughing - it means something to someone.

Yet, every now and then, something superlative comes up. It's so flattering and affirming. But mostly it just feels out of place - genuinely - not in a humble bragging way. Me? I'm just passing through, slipping in the background, trying to do what I can however I can. Let the real experts work.

With comments like these, I'm always taken aback. I don't show up to the hospital to do anything special. In fact, I imagine I mess up much more often than my peers, who seem to breeze through their rotations. I'm so comfortable with being wrong, it worries me when I'll finally be right.

- It's so easy in ambiguous situations - especially in the ICU when stakes are high and data is plentiful - to put off decision-making to "see what happens." Better however to make plans with timelines, multiple if needed. What data are you actually waiting for? Can't you decide some things now?

"It was a kind of immaturity to call yourself old before you were"

what won't, analyze and act on the rest. Generosity to me also means the kindness to spend my time with and on others. The reminder to take a step beyond myself to the people I love and intersect with in my life.

I had the big career check-in with my parents - one I had been dreading and delaying - and got surprising concessions and faced unsurprising challenges. But, the biggest realization was that I have nothing to be afraid of anymore. I can take it all, incorporating what will serve me, leave out...

The theme I'm tossing around in my mind is Generosity. I'm defining it as the opposite of stingy-ness. The wisdom to recognize that I don't have to be protective or restrictive of who I am - it's not a zero-sum resource - I can share, confide, enjoy, and love infinitely.

I flew down to NC! I thought the theme would be summative, but instead represented a building year too, one to look back on the themes of yesteryear and try to build practices from them. I think it's all going to lay the foundation for next year, a good one and a big one.

I tried to keep in touch with mentors. I loved my sub-I and electives. I had an active and fun summer. I downloaded a screen time app. I reconnected with old friends. I started to see a counselor to talk out the future to come when I noticed the same thoughts running through my head.

The theme of the year has been Action - aligning my choices with my values. Though it hasn't been as top of mind as Intimacy or Courage, there's still a lot to celebrate in retrospect. I spoke at City Hall in front of a bunch of people and cameras. I consolidated an honest residency narrative.

None of these things have been bad - I see the discomfort as planting the seeds for future growth, in the direction of my desire. Still, it doesn't make it any less tough, to squirm around and try to plant my roots and sprout my branches.

indecision, and loneliness. I thought this year would be a breeze, but as a result of having more time and less to do but think about the future ahead, I've felt more stuck
than free. What of the infinite vacation? Instead, residency applications, career choices, and all the space in between.