The Shovel
LightNews LightNews
banner
theshovel.bsky.social
The Shovel
@theshovel.bsky.social
12K followers 0 following 380 posts
News you can believe in.
Read more at theshovel.com.au
Posts Replies Media Videos
theshovel.bsky.social
New product just dropped ...
Sussan Ley Approved Iron-On T-Shirt Transfer
Sussan Ley has strong opinions about what constitutes an appropriate t-shirt. Avoid being hassled from the Opposition Leader with this pre-approved...
theshovel.bigcartel.com
November 10, 2025 at 1:30 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
A group of men gathered outside of the NSW Parliament in Sydney yesterday to call for the inclusion of erectile dysfunction medication on the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme.
Neo Nazis Rally Outside NSW Parliament Demanding Affordable Erectile Dysfunction Treatment — The Shovel
“It’s time to rise up!” one man shouted over a megaphone before adding, “But it’s very, very difficult, given the price of prescriptions these days!”
theshovel.com.au
November 9, 2025 at 11:16 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
“It’s all I really want, I'm begging you, please accept this deal. Just laugh at my jokes and say in public that I’m a really cool guy and I won’t ask for a cent, I promise".

theshovel.com.au/2025/11/09/e...
Elon Musk Willing To Forgo $1 Trillion Pay Deal if Shareholders Tell Him They Think He Is Cool — The Shovel
CEO Elon Musk has told Tesla shareholders that they can either sign off on a $1 trillion pay packet or agree to say in public that he is a funny, cool guy.
theshovel.com.au
November 9, 2025 at 9:17 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
“What we need is a sensible, modern approach to energy policy and hunting whales and killing them for their oil is exactly that"
Nationals To Resurrect Australian Whaling Industry As Part Of Exciting New Energy Policy — The Shovel
“What we need is a sensible, modern approach to energy policy and hunting whales and killing them for their oil is exactly that"
theshovel.com.au
November 5, 2025 at 10:05 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
“I want forty op-eds belittling Mamdani on my desk by 5pm!”
News Corp Calls for “All-Hands-on-Deck” After Young Muslim Man Elected New York Mayor — The Shovel
“I want forty op-eds belittling Mamdani on my desk by 5pm!"
theshovel.com.au
November 5, 2025 at 6:54 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
Our Susssan Ley Christmas cards have just dropped!

Get yourss here: theshovel.bigcartel.com/product/sussan-ley-card
November 5, 2025 at 3:24 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
Electricians Prepare for Bumper 2026 As ‘3 Hours of Free Power’ Policy To Inevitably Lead to Australians Running Every Single Appliance at Once
Electricians Prepare for Bumper 2026 As ‘3 Hours of Free Power’ Policy To Inevitably Lead to Australians Running Every Single Appliance at Once — The Shovel
“I’ve already doubled my hourly rate and booked in my European holiday for next year"
theshovel.com.au
November 4, 2025 at 9:39 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Thousands of freshly spray-tanned punters have descended on Flemington with an unspoken yet universally understood goal of getting absolutely, unapologetically Barnaby-ed.
Dolled-Up Bogans Descend on Racetrack With Singular Goal of Getting Barnaby-Ed — The Shovel
“You’re not here to back winners. You’re here to lose your phone, ruin your dress, and fall asleep next to a discarded KFC box. That’s the real spirit of the races".
theshovel.com.au
November 3, 2025 at 10:06 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
The National Party has agreed unanimously to re-commit to its target of making the Liberal Party completely unelectable by 2050, saying it will continue to put forward ridiculous climate policies until every urban Coalition seat is lost.
Nationals Commit to Liberals Achieving Net Zero Seats by 2050 — The Shovel
"If we continue to take into consideration what Australians want done on climate, and then do the exact opposite of that, we can get a lot of those suburban seats changing hands pretty quickly"
theshovel.com.au
November 2, 2025 at 9:36 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
ADORABLE!

This Kid Is Dressing Up as a Coal Industry Lobbyist This Halloween in the Hope of Scoring More Handouts
This Kid Is Dressing Up as a Coal Industry Lobbyist This Halloween in the Hope of Scoring More Handouts — The Shovel
“I just said ‘Hello I’m from the mining industry, give me all your money or I’ll run a national advertising campaign to bring down the government,’ and the treats just flowed”.
theshovel.com.au
October 31, 2025 at 3:06 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
"He has lived in the property under a long-term public housing arrangement with the Crown Estate, a Government body that provides affordable accommodation to unemployed Britons"
Man Evicted From Public Housing — The Shovel
The man has lived in the property for more than 20 years under a long-term public housing arrangement with the Crown Estate, a Government body that provides affordable accommodation to unemployed Brit...
theshovel.com.au
October 30, 2025 at 11:15 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Palace officials confirmed the change late on Thursday, saying it reflects “His Ex-Highness’s ongoing commitment to reinventing himself as a man of absolutely no accountability and ridiculous excuses”
Andrew To Use New Title: “Bullshit Artist Formally Known As Prince” — The Shovel
"It reflects His Ex-Highness’s ongoing commitment to reinventing himself as a man of absolutely no accountability and ridiculous excuses”.
theshovel.com.au
October 30, 2025 at 9:50 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Coalition MPs called for an urgent inquiry into whether the Prime Minister’s teenage music choices constitute a national security threat.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/30/p...
"PM Advocating Political Violence", Sussan Ley Claims, After 1986 Photo Shows Albo in Dead Kennedys T-Shirt — The Shovel
Liberal leader Sussan Ley has accused the Prime Minister of “effectively endorsing violence and anarchism” after a recently unearthed 1986 photograph revealed a 23-year-old Albanese wearing a Dead Ken...
theshovel.com.au
October 29, 2025 at 10:39 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Jamaica is set for blue skies and a light south-westerly breeze with an estimated top of twenty-five, Australia’s new Bureau of Meteorology website says.
Jamaica 25 Degrees and Sunny, According to New BOM Website — The Shovel
Jamaica is set for blue skies and a light south-westerly breeze with an estimated top of twenty-five, Australia’s new Bureau of Meteorology website says.
theshovel.com.au
October 29, 2025 at 7:51 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
Sussan Ley, whose modified name happens to contain the same letter combination as Hitler’s police force, has tried to make the tenuous case that the Prime Minister wearing a Joy Division t-shirt is antisemitic.
Woman Who Changed Name To Contain ‘SS’ Mock-Rages That Albo’s T-Shirt Is Antisemitic — The Shovel
Sussan Ley, who added an extra S to her name thereby inadvertently recreating the name of one of the most feared Nazi organisations, has tried to make the tenuous case that the Prime Minister wearing ...
theshovel.com.au
October 28, 2025 at 10:04 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
Additional advice noted that whales tend to exist in deep water, whereas this particular specimen is incredibly shallow.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/28/j...
Japanese PM Tells Whalers Not to Harpoon Large Blubbery Specimen Currently Visiting Tokyo — The Shovel
"The oversized blowhole that drifted into Japanese territory today is actually the American president"
theshovel.com.au
October 28, 2025 at 3:38 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/10/28/t...
October 27, 2025 at 11:13 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
“I simply asked what this 40,000 square foot basement area with a secret entrance and a ‘Prince Andrew Commemorative Massage Parlour’ was all about, and I immediately had my security clearance revoked,” the contractor said.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/27/c...
Contractor Sacked After Querying ‘Underage Sex Slave Dungeon’ on White House Ballroom Plans — The Shovel
"I'm all for increasing the size of the White House, but I was just curious about why there was an underground network of tunnels on the plans labelled 'Melania Not Allowed In Here'.
theshovel.com.au
October 27, 2025 at 6:59 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
“I read that Andrew’s arrangement was a ‘peppercorn lease. So I thought, why not? My landlord can chuck them on his steak or something. Everyone wins,” the renter said, measuring out 200 grams of black pepper into a Coles reusable bag.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/27/l...
Local Renter Follows Prince Andrew’s Lead and Pays This Month's Rent With Peppercorns — The Shovel
"My landlord can chuck them on his steak or something. Everyone wins"
theshovel.com.au
October 26, 2025 at 11:04 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Look what’s just arrived back from the printers! Get your very own copy of the 2025 Shovel Annual - a 132 page satirical summary of the year.

Get your copy here: theshovel.bigcartel.com/product/the-shovel-annual-2025
The Shovel Annual 2025
(Free shipping in Australia) Packed with sharp satire, in-depth analysis and a touching eulogy for the passing of Peter Dutton’s career, the Shovel...
theshovel.bigcartel.com
October 22, 2025 at 11:40 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
"On one hand I'm glad we didn't get Zelenskied, but at the same time... I wish we got Zelenskied," said one Australian, who had to call in sick from work after seeing the news this morning.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/21/a...
Aussies Unsure Whether to Be Relieved Or Embarrassed — The Shovel
In the wake of Albanese’s successful meeting with Donald Trump overnight, Australians everywhere have noted a weird feeling in their stomach that is one part relief, one part embarrassment, and a thou...
theshovel.com.au
October 21, 2025 at 12:17 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
“One Nation has its head in the sand, Barnaby has his on the pavement. It’s a perfect match,” one commentator said.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/20/b...
Barnaby Joyce to be One Nation’s Man on the Ground — The Shovel
"While other parties waste time knocking on doors, Barnaby will be lying on the footpath, connecting directly with the pavement"
theshovel.com.au
October 20, 2025 at 8:15 AM
theshovel.bsky.social
“At one point, Barnaby said the word ‘water’ 37 times in a row, followed by ‘YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!’ But no one, including Joyce himself, seemed to know what it meant”.

theshovel.com.au/2025/10/18/l...
Linguists Unable to Translate Transcript From Joyce/Hanson Meeting — The Shovel
"It's basically just Pauline yelling ‘Yeah but the thing is, Barnaby—BARNABY—no, listen—’ while Barnaby responds with a 14-minute story about a cow that got stuck in a gate. None of it resembled human...
theshovel.com.au
October 17, 2025 at 11:40 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
The 2025 Shovel Annual has hit the printers & is ready to pre-order now! Trump will be delighted he’s made it onto the front cover of another world-renowned magazine. If he could read, he’d love what’s inside too.

Find out how to get your copy: theshovel.bigcartel.com/product/the-shovel-annual-2025
October 15, 2025 at 10:30 PM
theshovel.bsky.social
Read more:
theshovel.com.au/2025/10/15/t...
October 15, 2025 at 7:40 AM